Truthfiend's Story

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#1 Nov 10 - 1AM
truthfiend
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Truthfiend's Story

I don't want to make this too long, and I'm not sure if he's a narcissist, but I'd still like to share my story. It was 5+ years of off/on dating. It's been NC for 60 days now. What triggered it this time was his cruise to the Bahamas he planned and booked with his friends that he failed to tell me about. I kept my cool when I saw him booking his flight on my computer, but two days afterward, when he was visiting his grandfather, he called me, and I told him it wasn't working. He said we'd talk about it when he got back. I respected that. I called him the night after he got back. No answer. The next night, I changed my numbers. I was sick of him never answering his phone, and sick of waiting for him to call me. Always on his terms. I sent him a goodbye email. Later I found out from a mutual friend that he went to a couple of parties after he got back from visiting his grandfather. Maybe that's why he postponed talking about it. He replied at 45 days NC after his cruise, trying to make me feel guilty about how I turned his back on him via email while he had just got back from visiting a sick grandparent. Saying he still "loves" me, he wants to "marry" me (BS), and if it can't work out, don't separate him from my son. I have not replied. He constantly turned his back on me through my difficult times. No emotional support at all. Now he's trying to make me feel guilty for that. It's been hard getting over him, so when my friend asked if I am more miserable now than when I was with him, this is what I said, and it's basically the short version of my story:

Um....I am NOT feeling more miserable now than I ever did with [fake name]Lolrus! I felt miserable during the relationship because Lolrus did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and I had no say in his life. But he had all kinds of say in mine. It really bothered me that he had a VIP section of his life that I had no access to. But he could come and go as he pleased into my life, and take over as primary parent [to my son]. I felt like there was something wrong with me because he wasn't willing to hear me out and make it better for me. The relationship seemed to work out fine for him. He did stuff that made me feel so insecure and unworthy, and I usually just let it fester - I didn't want to bring it up because I was scared he would bark at me and make me believe I was an insignificant crazy person. I was also afraid that breaking up was the only answer. I had no power with him. But I was scared to not have him in my life.

What I'm feeling now is guilt for the way I broke it off with him, feeling like a failure for not being able to save the relationship, anger at him for being a phony, anger at myself for not breaking it off sooner, jealousy because he will probably move on with someone else before I will, impending doom for the holiday season, and more guilt for separating [my son] and him. But all this pain of being without him is still better than the pain of being with him. And it's getting better! Just having moments of weakness. Onto Day 61! Yay!

Nov 19 - 1PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Well done, Truthfiend

Way to go on the NC. Rest assured that your feelings are normal. Just keep reminding yourself that there is NOTHING you could have done to save this relationship. It was not a relationship anyways, because it was all one-sided. That's all it ever would be. I know it hurts to hear this, but I'm like you, I went back and forth with the N for 7 years, cumulating with him cancelling our wedding 6 weeks before and taking off with another girl. Wev'e all wondered. The more yo uread though, the more you will find that you did the best thing. You removed yourself from the abuser and maintaining NC is the best way to stop him from heaping even more crap on you. Youve dealt with it for 5 years already, its time for you to give yourself something better. Don't worry about his feelings, or how it "looks" to outsiders. YOU are more important than that. Hang in there, and stay strong!!!!