CaroKittyGale's story

I was married for a long time from a young age to a lovely man who died in a car crash in 1997. It was a bit of a jack the lad but he was kind and caring and people loved and respected him. We looked after each other. I was devastated but having two children, as everybody knows, you have to try and carry on. After about 6 months of him dying I got a job and done my best to make life bearable for me and my two sons who at the time were 15 and 3. Money was tight but I made a little sanctuary for us and as time went on we were moderately happy. I had plenty of male interest, one in particular who at the time would have moved heaven and earth for me and was a lovely guy(I could kick myself now but hey-ho) and dated a bit but couldn't commit because although these guys were very nice I wasn't ready after the loss of my husband.

Then four years down the line my mother died and it was another blow for me and the family and I was feeling very lost alone but as usual just got on with it which is probably where I went wrong because having two unresolved loss issues is more than likely the reason I ended up having a relationship with two Narcissists.

Out of the blue an old acquaintance that knew me and my husband wrote to me asking me how I was and telling me of his troubles.... he was in prison. I felt sorry for him because my husband was no angel and who am I to judge so wrote back a polite but not engaging letter. The letter writing progressed into one a week some being 20 A4 pages long and as I got to know him he reminded me of my husband and I felt like I'd know him forever(can you see a pattern emerging???). This guy (we will call him M)got a no guilty at trial and got out of prison and it was all flowers and romance, it was like having my husband back. By this time my eldest son was 19 had moved out and was living with his long term girlfriend and working so I just had my youngest son at home and at the time he must have been about 7 years old. Well M moved into my house very quickly, almost immediately to be frank and it was just fabulous. He is a boxer and moves in those circles so he took me everywhere showing me off and it was just like being married again all hearts and flowers and happy families and good times.

This off course was short lived. Very soon M became very possessive and wanted to know my every move I found him very controlling and then the mind games started he threaten to leave me and I thought I must have done something terribly wrong for him to be behaving like because at the time I thought I loved him and I really didn't want to go through that feeling of loss again and he really played on putting my self-esteem down but being the strong independence girlie that I am I soon got wise and I called his bluff and he changed his tune for a while until one day he strangled me. I was mortified but was really scared of him(as I found out a lot of people were)and part of me loved him and wanted him to go back to being that lovely guy he was in the beginning who understood me so well....little did I know.

He expected me to wait on him hand and foot, I gave up work(remember I am terrified of this man by now) because I was to stressed and upset to deal with it and then the beating began. At the time I was working on the assumption that the police can not look after you 24/7 and I was worried what he might do to my family so I tried to appease him but of course it didn't work. I was only with him a short time(just under 1 year) but I have only recently due to the heartache of getting involved 2 years ago with another narc and thinking I needed to get myself sorted,got M completely out of my life.(fingers crossed) During the time I was with M he punched me in the stomach so hard my feet came of the ground and blood run down my leg, he locked me in a car whilst driving in the West End of London so I couldn't get out and continually punched me in the face whilst call me a slut whore all because I gave one of his friends a compliment. The next day after that one I wasn't allowed to come out of the bedroom because he didn't want anyone to see my face. I got all the usual shit about what a monster he was and he could cut his hands off. He spat at me, continually strangled me, smashed my house up,through my antique storage chest through my beautiful glass cabinet my husband had bought me, hit my dog, took drugs, he was just a total nightmare. There is so much more but it hurts to get it out at the moment so I'll leave the list there for the time being. The list goes on and one. I used to run away and hide in hotels. It was a major culture shock for me to say the least. Anyway I ran away from him so many times and the same old drama would take place, the please come back to me, the crying the it will be different but in never was and in the end I ran away so many time the last time I ran away he knew I would come back because I just went crazy at him, he even got his mum to ask me to go back but I wouldn't and he got new supply but only up to recently has he left my life completely. He told his new supply I was special and put me on a pedestal he told loads of people he loved me and used to come every Christmas. (we have been apart 9 years)and give my son money.

He always used to keep me in his sight, but recently and because of my aha moments I have been able to distance myself from him. This year he got 91/2 years in prison and expected me to be supportive. I used to not want to be with him but forgave him for my own healing but always thought he was more to be pitied then scolded as he had a terrible childhood blah, blah, blah, drug and alcohol problems blah, blah, blah, but because of the heartache Narc #2 caused me I started to research on line and come up with all this lovely information and realized what had been going on. I was having aha moments all over the place....it was wonderful...I'm not bocked just need to see the signs asap and learn to love myself again. I told him I wouldn't be writing to him when he called me from prison and fronted me when I didn't and then got the blame and shame letter which I blanked and then the blame and shame phone call because his dad had died and I wasn't there for him to which I replied (and I was very nice about it) 'well I have stuff of my own going on and let's face it the year my mum died you moved in with me and look what you done to me.' He asked me why I had the hump with him and I said I didn't just busy. I had another call a few weeks later and it was very civilized and he was trying to hoover me in but I wasn't going there and I haven't heard from M since. I'm sure I will but knowledge is freedom and I have that now....NEXT

Narc #2 pales into insignificance when it comes to the violent Narc #1 but was very emotionally upsetting because I should have walked immediately especially with my past experiences.