My hN constantly tells me hes UNHAPPY, looking for sympathy, or is it opposite, hes happy

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#1 Oct 9 - 1PM

jaycee

My hN constantly tells me hes UNHAPPY, looking for sympathy, or is it opposite, hes happy

My hN constantly tells me hes UNHAPPY, but now, reading the other post, someone said narcs mean the opposite, so does this mean hes really happy with her. Or is this just another way of seeking sympathy/supply from me? Are they always saying the opposite or just always seeking supply? can someone please let me know what they think.

#2 Oct 10 - 1PM

jaycee

better yet

great idea, dont answer the phone, then again, the bills would purposely not get paid, so im better off just imagining Im listening to gibberish..........lol Jaycee

Jaycee

#3 Oct 10 - 1PM (Reply to #18)

MsVulcan500

I understand that you need

I understand that you need to be civil with him to get the bills paid, but it seems like he uses this as an excuse to see you and to talk to you. And you do too, if you're honest. Bills are typically due once a month. It seems like you and he are talking almost every day. When my ex and I were doing this, he would come by 2 to 3 times a month to collect the bills and take them home and pay them. You need to set some boundaries with him and tell him he can come by once a week on Tuesday or whenever, then let him know that you hate to rush him out, but you have somewhere to be so you can push him out the door without seeming rude. I know you think he holds all the cards right now, but he doesn't. You will feel better if you don't let him intrude on your life so much.

#4 Oct 10 - 11AM

jaycee

happy or not

I do wonder sometimes if he is telling me how unhappy he is, just because he wants to tell me what he thinks i want to hear, or for pure supply. But i do wonder, if maybe he is happy there and feels guilty (but narcs dont have guilt, i dont think) who knows, I go with hes needing my constant narc supply and he enjoys using my pain to hurt me even more. I find it odd though, if he were even content, let alone, happy, would he spend so much time texting everyday twenty times, calling, coming here, i dont know him, but i know his ways a bit, and when he doesnt want to be bothered, trust me, he wouldnt even put in the effort to punch to key pad on the cell to text. so once again, a narc is so confusing to the human, i find it so odd, but deep in my heart, you all know, i dont want him to be happy, and realistically, we all know, even if he is, it wont last very long, he ll get bored of the humdrum life there, and lack of the security supply, which would be me, and get bored with his others, and find the need to seek newer, better, more powerful supply, some how some way.........i guess, who knows, im just going to continue hearing charlie brown's teacher on the telephone when he texts and speaks, skjflaksdjfsjdfdaksjdkjfksal and I ll say ok........Jaycee

Jaycee

#5 Oct 10 - 11AM (Reply to #16)

wholeagain

Better yet

Don't even answer the phone :)

#6 Oct 9 - 2PM

blueeyes

depends?

I think it depends on if you are still NS. Neg or pos NS is supply. I see your question but he is manipulative also! So maybe he wants to keep your NS and if claims you want him "unhappy", then god dammit that's what he will say! I'm not sure but I read in ur old posts about his unhappiness then you found him going out to the whores family and he was happy? I'm not sure if I'm right? If so, then maybe he has you as NS? I'm intersted in what other members say. I'm certainly a damaged soul right now but I wanted to tell you what I thought Jaycee. XO

#7 Oct 9 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

jaycee

depends?

blueyes, do you mean narc supply when you say ns? of course, ill always be narc supply till i finalize the divorce and get what is mine and go nc. he is soo manipulative and so conniving, its sickening. but my question was, when a narc says they are unhappy does it mean the total opposite, that hes happy? or is he looking for sympathy/supply from me? in my old posts i say he goes to her son's games, and has taken her to meet his mom, only to have a free place to stay at the beach.......but happy, i dont know, he constantly says hes sooooo unhappy, just wondering if hes saying opposite or looking for my supply......or just telling me what i want to hear....let me know what you think now that i clarified. i am sorry you are feeling damaged as well, you wont be forever and neither will I........xoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

#8 Oct 9 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

blueeyes

jaycee

I think he may be manipulating you to tell you what you want to hear. He is never happy, its hard to have NPD. Think about it? How would you like to be him? Cold, heartless and live hurting ppl? Its hard work! Plus, these guys are damaged. Who knows what he is doing?I'm not sure hun, but he is keeping you as supply and u admit that? My H tries but I am so cold and done that even tho I am not NC yet I'm def not supply anymore. That's why I'm worried and scared of violence. I'm not acting anymore.

#9 Oct 9 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

Briseis

I think he's squeezing you

I think he's squeezing you for supply. I don't know about that "opposite" thing, they say the opposite of what they feel. I'm sure they do, but in your case, I think it's 100% supply. I also suspect he knows it hooks you when he tells you how "unhappy" he is, it is a good way to get you to talk to him. He knows you think his GF is a whore and that you hate her, so he's using that to manipulate you into paying attention to him. You tell us that you hope he's unhappy with her, so it's probably pretty obvious to him that you like to hear that he's unhappy. Whether he is or isn't, that's not the point to a Narc. It's to get you on the hook, period. You are being HAD, I'm afraid. He's pushing your buttons big time. He's jerking you around, by manipulating you with your own pain.

#10 Oct 9 - 3PM (Reply to #13)

jaycee

I think hes squeezing you

Oh im sure hes squeezing the supply out of me, but in a sick sense, im glad its that and not that he is really happy and saying the opposite. I know in my heart, hes lying and telling me what i want to hear, but i also know, he could never be happy anywhere, because hes not happy in his heart. im sure hes content there, and has no intention of leaving, as he says he is, hes full of shit. he just wants to get my supply and tell me how unhappy he is. i can bet he doesnt tell her hes unhappy.........Jaycee

Jaycee

#11 Oct 9 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

MsVulcan500

Jaycee,

I have to agree with Briseis, that he is just using whatever tactic to keep you as supply. If he tells you he is happy, then you won't continue to talk to him. If he tells you he is unhappy, then you will. You need to stop letting him talk to you about personal things in his life. And most certainly don't tell him about anything going on in your life. Don't let him know you are sad or mad or doing the happy dance. He made his bed, so he has to live in it. He's lost you, and you need to go minimal contact so he realizes that once and for all. You can be civil to him while you need to be, but you need to not let him tell you what is going on in his life. If he tells you he is unhappy, just say "Sorry to hear that," with no emotion. It's kind of like when you're passing someone in the hall at work and you ask how they are. You really don't want to hear about their dog throwing up on the rug or their hemorrhoids flaring up. Everyone knows you just say "fine" and keep on moving. This is what you need to do with him.

#12 Oct 10 - 1PM (Reply to #11)

Briseis

Really good point MsVulcan.

Really good point MsVulcan. A husband like Jaycee's, who's done what he did, is the last person to deserve to use Jaycee as a fricken shoulder to cry on. My god that is twisted. Jaycee, he knows you want to hear it. That's the problem. This is a sick game the two of you play, each of you getting your secret sick little "needs" met. Your to hear that he is really and truly unhappy after leaving you for OW, and his to keep you flopping on the end of a baited hook :(

#13 Oct 10 - 4PM (Reply to #12)

jaycee

really good point

Bri, first of all, I threw him out, lock, stock and barrel, dumped all his belongings in garbage bags on her apt doorstep with a note telling her if she wanted him so bad, enjoy him, and telling him i was through being married to a serial cheating liar. not that that matters. i wasnt thinking long term, i had no idea i was being laid off from my full time job the next week, i had no idea how the bills were going to be paid, and yes, it is a game we both play, but mine are not secret nor sick, his are sick and twisted, I just need to make sure until i can support myself and my daughter and the divorce is final, the house bills are paid and home is taken care of, but it does have to stick it too her too, what the hell, she f ed with my life, oh well, as for him, he loves telling me everything i want to hear, yet, he has no clue i know hes lying, hes convinced himself i believe him, so yes, he is the sick one, as for him leaving, he screwed this whore for over two years and had no intention of leaving, hes bitter i threw him out, he rather liked his cake and liked eating too........as for me, i maybe devastated and heartsick, but sick, no, playing a game to survive, maybe?? Jaycee

Jaycee

#14 Oct 9 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

jaycee

msvulcan, do you believe he being a textbook narc could possibly be happy, and if he were, why would he need my supply? just a question.....i dont believe hes unhappy all the time, i just believe when hes not getting his own way, hes unhappy, i think he is content, because he can live for free, get her to pay for everything, doesnt have to pay for a thing, etc....so content, im sure at times, but i also think he misses, not me, the convenience of having a wife who gave him all the freedom in the world and never pressured him for anything, whereas, this one, is demanding and controlling and wants what she wants......but in reality, he is still living with her, giving her the illusion, funny story quickly, he rages off the wall over the littlest things, screams and yells, oh im so used of it, he said to me the other day, you are the only one who gets my yelling and it never bothers you, oh, thank you, asshole, i guess the whore doesnt like his yelling/raging, she just doesnt know its raging, she doesnt like his yelling, too bad......funny though, he might as well have say, hey jaycee you asshole, youre the only dummy that doesnt get spooked by my rages.....lolJaycee

Jaycee

#15 Oct 9 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

MsVulcan500

Happy or not

I think you may have hit it there, that he is content with her. Not happy, not unhappy, but content at the moment that she is meeting his needs. That's the way they roll. They are never happy or unhappy, they are content with how things are at the moment. And the next minute that can all change. And he wants to keep you as supply also because they can never have enough. There is never too much supply for a narc! So what is Jaycee doing for herself today? Is she taking herself shopping? Is she fixing herself a nice meal? Maybe having a relaxing bubblebath? I don't care about the narc and his whore, I hate them. But I do care about Jaycee and what she is doing to let herself know she is special. ((((Jaycee))))

#16 Oct 9 - 5PM (Reply to #7)

jaycee

happy or not

msvulcan, you are right, i hate them too, he is content, because hes lazy, selfish, and if it takes effort, hes out of the game. his moods change on a dime, and yes, content for the moment, or more like moment to moment, but what bothers me is he has plenty of supply, why continue to seek mine, i think my friend answered it perfectly, she said, he needs you as his security supply, as he knows in the past you always took him back, he figures, oh well, when im through with this whore, i always have my wife to go back to, so i better keep her in constant supply and tell her everything she wants to hear.......he is a sick bastard and has way too many issues for me to ever take him back, but hes so dumb he thinks id take him back in a new york minute....sick huh..as for me, i forced myself to go shopping with my girlfriends and actually fake smiled and laughed and went for coffee just took a nice long hot shower and made myself beautiful, and tonight i may visit a friend, or cuddle up with a good show.......please ask God to answer my prayers, as I need so many of them right now, my life is in a tailspin and all I have is this site and God, and boy do I need him to answer my prayrs.....xoxoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

#17 Oct 9 - 6PM (Reply to #8)

blueeyes

Jaycee

I'm on the same roller coaster. I'm looking forward to NC. When he's out of my face, I can rest. Our husbands did a number on us and that's nit love. When someone loves you they take good care of you. What would he do if you dated a good man?

#18 Oct 10 - 7AM (Reply to #9)

jaycee

blueyes I cant answer your question, because ive never dated, except him since i was twenty one years old, i dont think he would like it too much, but i guess he would have no choice, there is nothing he could do he lives with his whore, wonder how he would feel had i had an affair and i moved in with the guy, he would go out of his mind, not because he loves me, but he thinks he owns me........he really believes i will spend the rest of my life pinning over him and never be with another, God, if one descent guy asked me out, id jump at the chance, and not think twice, i would love to meet someone, wish there were guys out there i could meet, but i dont go anywhere really.........Jaycee

Jaycee

#19 Oct 10 - 9AM (Reply to #10)

blueeyes

jaycee. neither of us

Are ready to date anyone! I just wanted to know if you have dated? Work on your total recovery before you can give yourself to another.

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