Energy drainers, toxic relationships and enmeshment theory!
Energy drainers, toxic relationships and enmeshment theory!
"Dealing with energy draining people involves developing a commitment to remaining firm, practical and friendly to those who would seek to bring us down. In my psychology training I learnt that energy drainers usually fall under two categories; the inadvertent drainer who is simply undergoing some life crises and throwing their ’stuff’ at you, and the real Narcissist who gets their kicks by employing manipulative tricks to bend you to their will in order to control you..... .........real friendship does not consist of one friend dumping their legal/financial/emotional entanglements on you.
by Melissa Ingham
Coping with People Who Drain Your Energy
http://factoidz.com/coping-with-people-who-drain-your-energy....
Factoidz Writer (Ranked #8 expert in Etiquette & Social Situations)...
"Now he tells he cant pay the school fees...
This month the mortgage goes unpaid and another one looms.
Sure he works but I cant even tell you what he does cos its not legit!
SO more chaos reigns for us...."
"I know one thing, there is plenty of time he is sitting around dreaming up money making schemes ratha than be driven to doing a bit of manual labour, selling coffee, stacking shelves, anything.... he is not stupid, he is capable of a lot! And to think that we could avoid this catastophre if he just took even a part-time job.."
Energy drainers, will claspe those around tightly if they stand to gain a free ride, some victims taste of a security when they feel like they are failing, you can pick them up. When they need some affection or even just sex then they can beguile you with seemingly real emotions and what seems like physcial gestures of affection. Like lost children without mothers in the arms of the first one with bosom. They crawl wearily in and draw out the energy of every situation. So when there screwing the finances, and have hit rock bottom, they begin again, the grooming, the manifest the persona they know you wish was real, they stroke your ego and even 'play dead' to get some more of the 'sweet apple pie' that they think we will feed them..
IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE ANY KIND OF BASE LEVEL RELATIONSHIP WITH THESE GUYS.. (Co-praenting, boss, friend) OR DO THEY DRAIN EVEN WHEN THEY ARE NOT PRESENT??
GUESS IT'S HOW DEEPLY ENMESEHED THEY ARE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE>
They are 'Looser's who continually loose everything' and feed off other's hard work and determination to succeed in life...
His life crisis is ultimatly mine now. The more he drags us down into the soup the more water I have to keep bailing out...
Ultimatly letting go completely of all toxic relationships is goin to mean we have to let go of the same projections in our own pysche. How do we let these toxic people become some enmeshed with our lives, emotionally, physcially, finacially. etc etc...
Its about that level of enmeshment. The narc moves fast and before you know it you are well and truly "enmeshed".
It becomes more difficuilt as the years/months/days even roll by to recalim your power!?
"Enmeshment refers to an extreme form of proximity and intensity in family interactions...In a highly enmeshed, overinvolved family, changes within one family member or in the relationship between two family members reverberate throughout the system... On an individual level, interpersonal differentiation in an enmeshed system is poor...in enmeshed families the individual gets lost in the system. The boundaries that define individual autonomy are so weak that functioning in individually differentiated ways is radically handicapped (Minuchin, et al, 1978, p.30).
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/family-and-friends/17245-enmeshment-collusion...
read more on this forum post on Psychlinks Online on Enmeshment, Collusion, and toxic relationships
I suppose I see why I am in this but it doesn't help me to work out... HOW to seperate peoperly form this draining human being I have manifested in my life.
I have hives and excema again from this money worry. He can work, but he chooses to do as little as possible and would ratha make posters to sell his posessions...
I have worked hard to get where I have got in life. My job is not easy, its extremly challenging...
he would rather ruin me than go find work.
I should have dumped him as soon as he told me spent his teenage life growing up in a squat!
F*K my open mind!
That is a good article! Qing
I am feeling quite sick of
Losses
Cutting and running
Agnesmurphy
Thanks so much for your
Good article, thank you for