1bigjoke's Story

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#1 Sep 27 - 6AM
1bigjoke
1bigjoke's picture

1bigjoke's Story

Hi Everyone,

WOW! Im am thrilled to have found this site...

I guess alot of people who find themselve here have that one question in their mind...Is he or is he not an N!?

To give you a bit of a background (and I will try make it as short as possible) my ex and I have been split up for 7 weeks now...yes the hurt is real and so is teh pain, BUT everything he has done and said made me question this all so much.

My story is a bit complicated,I will try and explain the best I can. My ex is my sisters brother-in-law, yep 2 sisters and 2 brothers (this is why it is so complicated)

We are South African and moved to the UK 2 years ago - I left mylife there to come here with him. But my sister and his brother live here to so it was just sooo right!

We got married 1 1/5 years ago... he was absolutley EVERYTHING I wanted in a man, strong, charming,funny ...you name it he had it!

I was convinced he was my "soulmate" ...as time went by I started seeing something ...well I just did not like. He was a VERY selfish person, it was always "me me me me" and this became more and more aggrovating for me. My family is number one in my life and he ...well he couldnt care what made me happy. Everytime we used to go to family events we would end up arguing as he just simply did not want to come with me... I found this demeaning and felt as if he just didnt care.

The constant arguing and bickering used to make my hair stand up on my neck, I am not saying I am an angel - I have a quick and sharp tounge and problems too big and small... BUT I gave him my ALL!!!

He started saying thisngs liek "Im superior... Yes in everything I do" ... I found this funny and used to sit and think yes everything he does he does well... and used to be all Sshmoo shmoo over him and think thank God I got such an amazing person, another thing that should have sent warning bells going was everytime i shifted my attention to others, he would almost pick fights with me...but then he used to tell me to go do my own thing and I always put people before me or him...... well now that I sit back 7 weeks later did I not see the signs or was I to manipulated ?

I used to call him my cyrptonite...as EVERY time we used to talk or argue he would spin everything around on me, or I just used to blaber as I didnt know what to say or simply had no words... Is this normal???

When we broke up I was distraught (not to say im ok now!) but I was besides myself, I have come to this country with him, built all my core beliefs with him and then POOF ...gone!

Now this is where I just cant understand things and this issue is BEYOND me... when we split up I asked him 1 thing pleae dont make me look like an idiot -meaning be with girls and i am the last to know - at the end of the day we are still married! ...Well you guessed it , he did exactly that! and everything else he said he WOULDNT do ... does he not have a spin? It absolutley killed me cause I remember him sitting infront of me just 5 weeks ago saying how he is not interested in girls all he wants to do is be by himself and women are headaches , now he is in love with this girl?!?!

The worst thing is that all his post is still coming to my house, the other day i see a letter saying thank you for your first purchase ...from interflora ...WTF??? Flowers he is buying her flowers - I never got interflora flowers - WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!

He has not only hurt me but my whole family - he is willing to wash his hands clean from his brother and my sister as they confronted him and said what he is doing is wrong and inturn effects the whole family- does he not see this?

Guys I want to try keep this as short as possible - but I think you get what I am saying in this, I can explain more in detail once I know - Am I going mad or does he not see what he is doing is wrong and hurtful?

Please Please help me here cause I am beyond myself!!!

Love
1bigjoke

Sep 27 - 11AM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

is he?

who knows but he sounds like a PA for sure. I too left my country behind and my grown children and family to move to hisbackward culture. know that im being D and D d it is soul destroying as my family are 1000 miles away. and no o e would beleive that the man I said was everything has turned into a mean, cruel controllin g sod. who will laugh at me in pain. I know that feeling, it sucks! this forum will help u full of women who understand xA
Sep 27 - 9AM
1bigjoke
1bigjoke's picture

Thank you

Michelle 115 ... thank you! Like you said not matter if he is or isnt (i do believe he IS) all he has done is selfless, and fruitless acts. I cant believe how this man has torn out my soul and spat on the little last flame i had - shame on him!
Sep 27 - 6AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

1bigjoke

I presume you are aware of what this board is all about...victims of narcissists. The only way I can answer your question as to whether he is or he isn't is by saying: Welcome to the club. As far as I know, none of us are professionals who can diagnose narcissistic behavior; however, there are a number of things you mentioned in your letter that certainly seem to fit the profile. And even if he isn't a narcissist...his behavior is abusive, offensive, selfish, self centered and not conducive to a healthy relationship...definately passive aggressive which is equally maddening. The best way to get yourself out of the zone of being psychologically manipulated/abused is to arm yourself with as much information as you can. This board is a wonderful and supportive place and I can assure you that you will find comfort, support, validation and a ton of information. I wish you all the best on your journey. I can say with certainty that you've come to the right place. All the best!