The cruelty of the N can knock the breath out of you

The cruelty of the N can knock the breath out of you
Posted September 18, 2010 - 7:14pm
0

Wow the last 12 hours have been so revealing in the most bone-chilling way.
I tried to have an emotional conversation today and boy did I get punished for it.
Those of us who fell in love with a N know a pain like no other.
Is there a greater pain a more lonely, soul crushing desperate pain than this?
Consider the cruelty of these statements said to me by him today.

When I was crying silently:

" people like you commit suicide all the time" ( when in fact Ive never considered it and most people look to me for my strengh, determination and resolve)
Youre just like my ex-wife( who I was supposed to be the complete opposite of, according to him) always pretenting to be sick or in pain when she cant get what she wants. All woman are manipulators.
Actually I was having a panic attack ( something I wish I could control )
Then when I slipped and fell in the street trying to keep up with him on the pedestrian crossing (after having a major operation with a plate fixed into my leg one year ago which I still have in) I was terrified!!! that I had done bad damage to it, as it was I broke a bone in my foot and cut it and was in great pain, trying to get up, he was more worried about the inconvience to the traffic for the few seconds it took me to get up.
We were at the hospital for 4 hours waiting to be seen where he constantly told me to shut up when I asked if we could be seen or get pain medicine. He was oblivious to my worry and upset.
I asked him when we finally got home if he was worried at any stage, because I was. His response. "No I knew there was nothing wrong with you because you were bitching so much."
I have a business trip on Monday and have no idea how I will be able to walk on my broken foot.

When I asked him if he knew how much emotional pain he had put me through recently.
His answer: "I have done nothing wrong. dont blame me you caused the pain for yourself. You put yourself through the pain."

He compared me to the cry wolf story, in other words I'm just pretending Im in pain.

Your thoughts my fellow sufferers?

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ACgirl's picture

Yes, it's overwhelming cruelty....

September 19, 2010 - 12:49am — ACgirl

Reading your post made me feel so bad for you. What a horrible way to treat someone. But that is a Narc for you. My Narc was very cruel too. There were several times I called him crying because I knew he lied to me. And his response was narcisistic rage. He started yelling at me all these things that never happened. It was so bizzare. They have absolutely NO responsibility. They love the blame game. They refuse to look at their behavior. What made me feel so bad when I read your post was that I went through something very similar with my exH, who is also a narc. I just had surgery and came home from the hospital. I thought something was wrong and I wanted to go back to the emergency room. He made fun of me. I finally crawled into the car and demanded he take me. Of course, when I got to the emergency room the doctor said I was in serious trouble with my body.
My feeling, and one that is shared on this site, is that Narcs need to put us down and lesson EVERYTHING that happens to us so that they feel good. When you really get that concept, they can't hurt you anymore. When my exh narc starts to put me down I start thinking to myself...Wow, I must be doing GREAT because he feels threatened and has to put me down. I am trying to get the hang of it so I can move on. xoxoACgirl.

lisalisa47's picture

It's like they punish us for our "humanness"

September 18, 2010 - 10:42pm — lisalisa47

They are SO callous, and even though we KNOW that it's a "defecit" on their part, to those of us with emotions who get involved with them - no matter WHAT the venue, but especially romantically - it's like being told by God himself that your existance on earth has no purpose - espeically when they first CHANGE towards you.

Toltec Wisdom and the 4 agreements help me with people - and the memory of my ex narc - extremely well.

I hope you heal without incident my friend - physically and other.

LML

Susan32's picture

Soul-crushing horribleness

September 18, 2010 - 7:51pm — Susan32

It IS devastating. Sounds like your ex-N is a total jerk (well, just like the rest) The total lack of consideration for the other person. I've dealt with bullies, but NONE of them matched the ex-P when it came to cruelty. Most bullies simply pick on people, have minor squabbles, that's it... but with Narcs/Psychs, they're out to devastate and destroy... that's why I think D&D means "demean and destroy."

What's chilling is that the ex-Psych professor used those SAME WORDS of "I have done nothing wrong. Don't blame me you caused the pain for yourself. You put yourself through the pain." He said that I was the one choosing to suffer, when he was the one being cruel, dishonest, arrogant, and humiliating me in public. He refused to accept ANY responsibility for my suffering. He thought it was simply stress&graduation, and fears for my future--total lack of validation. He thought all my tears were pretend.

As for the equally chilling "People like you commit suicide all the time",the ex-P was the SAME WAY. When I was mourning the death of my grandfather, he said, "If you're so unhappy, why don't you kill yourself?" This wasn't in the coffee shop;this was DURING CLASS. It's like he wanted to see me commit suicide. After the final D&D, my refusal to kill myself, let alone attempt it, was FOR ME--oh, and I thought it would torture him as much as he had tortured me. HIS ultimate suffering was that I didn't think he was worth killing myself over.

What you went through is AWFUL.... especially when it's from someone you LOVE and TRUST. Your feelings are real. Your suffering is real. I've been there. You have my sympathies. You are a GOOD person... don't let him drag you down.