this sucks

this sucks
Posted September 12, 2010 - 10:02pm
0

i'm starting to get lonely. for the first time in months, i miss having someone to touch and hold. i have been so hurt and wounded that the thought of anyone touching me had made me shake and nausious.
the thing is, while i long to be touched, the thought of having someone in my life still does that to me :(
I'm afraid i'll be alone forever! all this and he is as happy as a freaking clam, which kills me...

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Briseis's picture

That's just a fear, and not

September 13, 2010 - 2:40pm — Briseis

That's just a fear, and not based in reality at all! Seems like we all fear that we'll be alone forever (after the narc) :(

You are adorable (in your pic). You'd have to knock out a bunch of teeth and get a head injury and lose some IQ points and never bathe in order to be "alone forever".

So PFFFFFFFFFFFT on that. It's just a silly fear. It feels real, but it's definitely not true. After getting rid of a Narc, our self esteem is so beaten down that it looks true. But that's just because for right now, you are in a dark place.

And believe me . . . you want MORE than to be touched and held. You want MORE than to have "someone in your life". You could substitute any old Narc or psycho, they'll touch and hold you and "be in your life" alright.

You want to be respected, cherished, loved and celebrated. Don't sell yourself so short.

I know it is hard. Don't mistake your really sad feelings for FACTS. You are hurt after such a relationship, reeling with pain. It will not last forever.

neverlookback's picture

THEY MESS YOU UP THAT WAY

September 13, 2010 - 6:56am — neverlookback

I had such an intense sexual bond with that sick freak - even though he was emotionally void sexually, it was myself that was sooooo attached sexually to him and physically. Even when the sex was bad (always semi-hard) We were betrayed deeply in that physical connection so its no wonder we are cold as ice with the thought of anyone else touching us.

But I do believe this: When we get healthy again with our thoughts and ourselves that will fall into place when the time is right. Dont push it or dwell on it I think its a natural aftermath of what was done to us. Ya I get lonely too for a mans touch and affection but NO WAY could I have sex with another man now. I have this huge wall up so until I can work on letting that wall down I am going to go through lonely spells

sweetsamm's picture

Ive been there

September 12, 2010 - 11:42pm — sweetsamm

God i know exactly how you feel......i was sooo lonely...I really think i couldn't even attract a guy because i had soooo much negative energy in me, and i'm being totally serious..anyway,i just met the greatest guy!! ANd it's been a year since i've been with my ex!! So, hang in there,it will happen......Sweetsamm:)

allthatglitters's picture

Fierflie

September 12, 2010 - 10:33pm — allthatglitters

I think it's natural after what you went through to kind of be repulsed by the idea of a guy near you right now. And it's also natural to feel lonely, probably most of us do as well. You're not alone in the lonely department. LOL.. if that makes sense... ;)

BUT, you need to be alone for a while, we all need to be alone for a while. It's the only way we're going to be able to have healthy relationships in the future. You won't be alone forever.. don't worry. But at least after this you'll know to be with the right kind of guy.

Being patient is one of the hardest things...

kiwi10's picture

but...

September 12, 2010 - 10:37pm — kiwi10

i'm afraid i wont even find anyone i'm attracted to. i was so attracted to him :( he looked so good on paper. handsome, an attorney, generous.... i couldn;t believe hye was interested in me anyway, and then he was willing to marry me. even though people said i was too pretty for im, i NEVER saw that. i totally idiolized him and he still left me. i feel like a failure today :( i hate being on my period!!

allthatglitters's picture

That's the thing though...

September 12, 2010 - 10:43pm — allthatglitters

you were almost in awe to be in his presence and thought he was this amazing guy... but in reality, not so much. You made him out to be way more than what he was, which we probably all did with our exNs. He clearly didn't deserve you. Period.

And as far as being afraid of not being attracted to anyone again, I totally hear you on that.. I get afraid of that too sometimes. Be patient...

It's going to take time.. because if we don't learn our lesson properly this time, we may end up in these situations again, which clearly we don't want.

kiwi10's picture

allthatglitters

September 12, 2010 - 10:51pm — kiwi10

how long ago did you split up with yours? i haven't read your story

allthatglitters's picture

I'm shy about writing my story

September 13, 2010 - 12:01am — allthatglitters

I've been split with my ex for around 6 months (was with him for a total of 5 years).. but have had off and on contact until around a month ago.. It's been difficult to get through this point. I'm much earlier in the process than you.

I've just read so much on NPD... I've finally realized that nothing can change him, and I just have to let go. It's very painful and lonely.. but I want the old me back. I want the old me back before I can even think about being with someone again.

kiwi10's picture

allthatglitters

September 13, 2010 - 12:16am — kiwi10

awe... why do you say I'm further along? we have only been split for five months.

allthatglitters's picture

Must have totally missed that part in your story!

September 13, 2010 - 1:30am — allthatglitters

Sorry about that Fierflie.. I didn't know you've been split for only 5 months... so you and I are kind of at the same point. How long have you been NC?

kiwi10's picture

allthatglitters

September 13, 2010 - 11:47am — kiwi10

we are still dealing with the aftermath or the divorce, which was just finalized last week. did you read my post 'look at this crap'? that was my last contact with him.
he is also threatening to move back into the house and i'm terrified. i couldn;t sleep last night. i was thinking of begging him to wait until i can find a place. i dont want to live with him

wholeagain's picture

Did

September 13, 2010 - 12:49pm — wholeagain

your separation or divorce have any wording about who has rights to the home you're in? Typically that will be the case, I know in my separation I had sole rights and he could only enter the home if he asked for written permission and I granted it.

Did you ever have an attorney look at your papers before you signed them to make sure your interests were protected?

almostlydia's picture

It will pass and you will be

September 12, 2010 - 10:08pm — almostlydia

It will pass and you will be so much smarter about the choices you make. I am seeing this now. Earlier I might have chosen a man who was nothing more than kind to me and considered safe. Isn't that sad but true. I have resisted and now feel like I know who and what I will accept. I think it is worth the wait.

almostlydia

gettinbetter's picture

fierflie

September 12, 2010 - 10:07pm — gettinbetter

Happy people dont dont go around solicting negative reactions from people. They dont beat people with belts. They just dont

Your happy hes not. So what does he do? He steals it from you. What a freakin coward. Narcs always take the shortcut

kiwi10's picture

sick of it

September 12, 2010 - 10:35pm — kiwi10

thank you for that. i wish i really believed it though...

gettinbetter's picture

well believe it

September 13, 2010 - 12:23am — gettinbetter

they think they are entitled to the best of everything including people!

kiwi10's picture

well, he doesn't think i'm

September 13, 2010 - 12:25am — kiwi10

well, he doesn't think i'm the best of people. he thinks i'm a horrible witch who robbed him of four years of his precious f-ing life

gettinbetter's picture

no fierflie

September 13, 2010 - 12:28am — gettinbetter

thats what he thinks of himself and he projects it on to you. The bad things he says to you are the feelings he has about himself. That is the core of narcissism. Remember its not about you Its all about him. Every single little bit

kiwi10's picture

sickofit

September 13, 2010 - 12:29am — kiwi10

i wish i could carry you around with me. you help me so much

gettinbetter's picture

fierflie

September 13, 2010 - 12:41am — gettinbetter

I wish I could be more accessible for you. Just know this man stole your happiness and your joy because he doesnt have it. Hes merely a common thief. Narcs feel entitled. They feel what ever they dont have that they are enititled to steal it. The only way to get at this man is to live happy and ignore the hell out of him. Those are the two things that really drive them nuts. You witnessed today him going from being a complete a-hole to apologetic once he didnt get what he wanted.

Do not allow him to steal anymore of your happiness. Remember they feel entitled to the best of everything including people thats why he chose you. Thats not just a bunch BS its the honest truth

PS read as much as you can about Narcissism it will help you detach from him when you start to really realize who and what he is.