Playedwithfire's Story

My story.
I met my soon to be abusive ex when I was 16 and he was 17. At the time I had no idea who he really was-but we never do. We dated and the control over my friends started with in a year. He was a quiet, shy lonely person and didn’t like that I had so many friends. I fell for him as he was nice and sweet , bought me gifts, everything I could ever want… as a teenager.
Time went on and I accepted not being able to hang out with my friends as much as I wanted and we eventually got married, I was 24. I got pregnant right away and had my son by 25 and my daughter by 27.

The signs had always been there, I just chose to look the other way and accept he was jealous and had lots of anger within himself. We both have always worked out, so I guess he was able to have an outlet for whatever he was going thru.

I was a stay at home mom for 5 years, doing the crap jobs in the evening because his schedule came first. In 2008 I went back to work full time. It was my first chance at a great job that I could learn and get more experience, travel, have daily conversation with adults… I think back, and he must have thought I was slipping away and he couldn’t control my money, who I talked to or meet the new people that were starting to enter my life as I was now in the business world. (I had also lost weight in 2007, which was good for me, he was always encouraging but, I think he got scared and then he would make food that he knew I couldn’t resist.)

In 2007, Facebook was my new best friend. He would try to control who was in my friends list, I woke up startled one night to him saying “no boys” on your Facebook page. He used to disconnect my internet often. It had always been a stressful topic.

Anyways, there is so much in between that I have not mentioned but I’m sure you can imagine. Control, Jealousy and Manipulation, apology gifts, empty promises, fake love.

March 2008 he put spyware on my pc and was checking my FB and email. I don’t know how long he was doing it but the night he lost it, his true colours came thru.
He changed my passwords and were holding them hostage lets say. I DID have emails from male friends from my past that he didn’t know about, but if he wasn’t so jealous I might have told him. But I didn’t. He hit the roof! Long story short, the next 3 days/nights were horrible. I was taken out of my home by a family member and then proceeded to call the police. He was arrested that night and charged with assault and mischief and because I didn’t say “no” he was not charged with sexual assault.

A year later and after a restraining order, we went to criminal court. I took the stand and told my story of what had happened. He chose not to say anything and at the end of the day pleaded guilty.
He was court ordered to take anger management and now has a criminal record of assault and mischief.
I was at a vulnerable state and …. Took him back! We dated last summer and I moved our children back into our house. Oh how the honeymoon was sooo great!
I saw red flags, but instead of listening to them, I would save the texts in my phone. Like I knew deep down I needed to document it , just in case I needed it later. Good thing I did. I ask myself why I let it be ok, when it shouldn’t have?
I could see that some issues had not really been dealt with and he was very insecure and he hid the jealousy but it came out after 5 months.

I was starting to become friends again with some who got me thru the first time around separating. She was not impressed I was reconciling with him as most of my family and friends felt the same way.

At a party in Feb 2010, he got so insecure that it took over his brain, he accused me of coming on to someone else’s husband,.. at the party in the wife’s presence. So anyways, he blew up and then I realized I was now scared of him again. He emotionally and verbally abused me that night. That was the biggest flag and I never got over it. I went to the courthouse to visit my witness protection worker to discuss my options. She said I could go back and revoke my consent that I signed after his sentencing. But I felt that was too invasive and I wasn’t wishing to work with a restraining order again for his visitation.

He had been in his anger course since Nov 2009 and was going to be finished in 4 weeks. I thought he had dealt with his anger and this was eye opening to me. I was beside myself and he actually texted me from the gym, “I think you should stay at your moms for a few days to figure out what you want.” I was like, WTF?
So I tried to move past it but, he took a piece of me that I will never get back. I was changing how I felt about him and this relationship that was supposed to be our second chance. If he was so happy to have his family back once again, how could this happen? How could he not handle himself better to keep us?

Easter weekend was the icing on the cake. I was thinking that this weekend would set the tone for how the summer would be and was I disappointed. He couldn’t handle how the kids were acting and he pulled my son off the swing set yelled at him to go to bed, slammed the BBQ lid down so hard the name place fell off, slammed the patio door, and then slammed the food onto the table. He then went back, took the mini trampoline from the backyard and threw it in the garage. While he was in the garage, the wall took the hit and not one of us. When he returned to the kitchen , I was in the state of shock and was numb as my kids were watching the whole thing in devastation. He actually wanted my sympathy after saying he hit the wall, and wanted ice for his hand thinking he had broke it! I gave no sympathy and took my children outside and cuddled with them on the swing. He eventually hid out in the basement for the night as I over compensated for what the kids had witnessed.

I was again, in disbelief that after his anger management course, he had learned nothing!?! Was this the life I wanted to live? I would do anything to protect my kids and I knew this was the life that I didn’t want to have or want them to live either. How could I possibly do that to them?
I asked him to move out by June 2010. He went willingly.

The drama began with in the month of June and has not really stopped. I’m sure it never will.
There is more that has happened but I didn’t want to get into the gory details or take up too much time.

Thanks for reading,
Playedwithfire