I have to say one of the myriad things that makes me so angry is that, when the narc and I were "in love" I started exercising again. I was very into exercise since college, and even after I had my daughters I lost all the weight and got back into it. I gained about fifteen pounds after my ex husband went off the deep end, went to prison, etc, because I could no longer run because my daughters were with me. That was for ten years. When I met the narc I felt so happy and worthwhile again and joined the gym that first summer. I went every morning for ten weeks and then he dropped the foster child bomb on me and I had to be home every minute "just in case he needed me" to prove to the narc that "our" child was the number one priority. So I gained back the twelve pounds I'd lost, then I gained ten more, and now I'm disgusted and so angry. I am as heavy as I was before college--and I was always somewhat overweight, the cute but chubby girl. I hate that he made me go back there, where I said I would never go.

He ended up D&Ding me when he was golfing one day and I was about to start a tour and couldn't pick up the child from daycare when he called a half hour before. I said, "Honey, I'm so sorry, but there is no way I can.There is no one else to work and this is my only income." He hung on me, got a new sitter, and that was the end of it. So all my self-sacrifice ended in my worst fears anyway. It's pointless to try to be what they want; you can't; no one can.

Anyway, my point (and I do have one!) is that I have seen a lot of us on this board struggling for fitness, and maybe we should start a thread to check in each day with our fitness goals for the day and to motivate each other? My daughters' school is starting a morning excercise program for parents on their new turf playground. Kickboxing Tuesday, Pilates Wednesday, Aerobics Thursday, Bootcamp Friday. It's free, and some of the other moms I know are asking me to go. It's from 6:15 to 7am, so I can wake up my daughters and get them dressed when I get home. I really am determined to be beautiful me again, inside and out. I think its' really important for us to not have physical reminders of them, and that includes what they did to our bodies. I did not fight for twenty years against "cute but chubby girl" to have this guy bring me back there. Thoughts?