I’ve just come out of a relationship with a guy I know believe to be a narc, maybe one of you can help me understand if I am right? I’ve never been this confused before!

It wasn’t a long relationship, in fact my shortest ever, 4 months, but was so intense. My ex-husband and I became friends with him and as my marriage deteriorated he became my confidant. When I finally decided to leave my husband he started telling me he has feelings for me, that he feels a deep connection with me and for the first time in his life he sees a future with someone. I knew about his bad track record with relationships, they all lasted between 3-6 months only (he is 36 years old...), and he has had an enormous amount of one-night stands. But against my better judgement I fell for him. He is extremely charming, good-looking and gave me the attention I needed when I was going through my divorce.

The first two months were like heaven. It felt like no one has ever understood me as well as him and he made me feel sexy, loved and special. I did however gradually start to notice things. He comes across as very popular when in fact he has no real friends, writes people off like they’re nothing, is constantly talking about what a great catch he is, and how he thinks everyone is envious of him. I brushed it off as normal arrogance… Then I lost my job and suffered from severe anxiety. At a time when I feel he should’ve supported me, he told me my ‘negative energy’ is stressing him out and he needs some space. Yet later the same day he phones me to get together that evening.

From there on I noticed how he got more controlling and critical of me. From what food I shop for, how I cook, what music I listen to – stupid little things. I noticed that sex with him was very impersonal, no eye contact or kissing. I also started to feel insecure in the relationship, he never told me he loved me anymore and was talking about how commitment-phobic he is. He would constantly talk about exes and talk like we will not be together anymore in a few months time. When I asked him where I stood with him, he responded by saying ‘how am I suppose to know where I stand with you...’ I felt confused. Then one day he tells me I annoy and irritate him (can’t give me examples of what) and says he needs space. About 4 days after I bump into him and I ask when can I see him again. Very casually he says we can maybe do something that Saturday. Again I was very confused, it seemed like he wasn't sure if he wanted to see me. I felt like he was playing mind-games with me. I ended up seeing him quickly the Friday night before I went to friends. He acted all normal, in fact we had sex and he said he missed me.

So we ended up going for lunch on the Saturday, but when I asked him about a weekend away we planned he said he’s not sure he still wants to go, no reason... I tried to talk about what is going on between us, especially after the week apart, to which he responds he ‘doesn’t want to talk about feelings.’ But after pushing him he told me he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore (he doesn’t know why), isn’t attracted to me anymore and feels we’ll be better as friends. I was devastated, no proper explanation as to how or what I did ‘wrong.’ And just complete rejection and silence from him after that. I felt so used.

However, I bumped into him again a few days after (small town…). I said to him that it was really harsh to tell me he’s not attracted to me anymore, and then he says he never said it! I felt like I was going crazy, did I remember things wrong?! He also then tells me that I dumped myself because I wanted to talk about feelings and he had to be 'honest', therefore it was all my fault. It broke my heart, how could I be punished for wanting to talk about feelings?! All the blame was put on me. And then the final blow… Last week I go with friends to a bar and there he is, with another girl. He completely ignores me (after he repeatedly said he wanted us to stay friends) and when I asked him who the girl is he says it’s only a friend, she’s not interested in him. I’ve never seen this ‘friend’ before and as this is a small town, I heard the next day he hit on the girl a few weeks before. Well, my friends starting bad-mouthing him and the angrier I got I also started saying bad (yet VERY true) things about him. One thing led to another and we ended up having an enormous fight in front of everyone, which ended with him pushing and shoving me to the ground outside. All the time telling me I ‘f-up everything.’ Since then he has emailed me, no apology or anything, said he did what he had to do to get away from me. And he still wants to be friends but it will take him a while to get over this so he will let me know when he’s ready to be friends again.

So that’s my very long story which has left me completely heart-broken and confused. From what I’ve read about NPD I wonder if I ‘outed’ him in public last week, hence the massive anger? Please help, I know it’s an ex but I need to make sense of all this!