brainwashing

brainwashing
Posted September 9, 2010 - 12:28am
0

My dad and my uncles fought in World War Two. No one was in a prison camp, but my Uncle Will fought in Japan, and he was a pacifist when he went in November of 1941, before the War began. He was gone for four years before he died in an airfied bombing. His things were sent home. Among them was his journal, in which he wrote for four years. In the beginnings the entries were daily. He wrote about the people he met, the places he saw. After the years went by and his experiences became more devastating, the entries tapered off.

The jourals are chilling to read. The gaps between the end entries are wide and various. Toward the very end, the entries consist of lists of things with which he identified himself: things he liked to do with his buddies at home; food his mother used to cook for him; songs he wanted to hear again. There are no other words at all; just the lists of things that he remembers.

I totally feel like this now. I spend every day in recovery willing myself to stay alive remembering who I am. They say this is how concentration camp victims and prisoners of war remain alive and conscious of their own identitites. People might see this and think, "How dare she compare herself to these brave men" but you and I know that our families and children and lives are on the same line.

‹ Im living hell, the saddness is overwhelming someone please tell me it will go away substitutes for talking to yr N ›
Scoop's picture

Helldweller

September 9, 2010 - 6:31am — Scoop

I totaly get this , we where living on a battle field , the bombs that where going off around us where emotional ones and you would never know when the next one would fall so we lived each day in a state of fear . I once read that living with a psycopath creates the same ptsd that the troops get when comming home from battle . We are shell shocked . I remember one day soon after this d&d one sunday afternoon i started to shake , there was no reason for it and now i can see it was simalar to the shakes reported from troops in the first world war , that was one of the biggest fears of men going to battle was to come home with the "shakes"
We have been through hell and back .. and guess what helldweller im having a party tonight , 6 months nc and heres me brave enough to get 20 of my friends together to celebrate my boat , my new life .. gulp ...im going to have a fire on the common and some music , the cute guy i like is bringing his boat down and tieing it to mime for more space woop woop .. lol ... lol ...he can tie his boat to mine anytime he likes oooohhh arrr missis !
Im off to the shops to buy the nibbles ... im not brain washed any more . I am SCOOP !!!

wholeagain's picture

Good for you Scoop!

September 9, 2010 - 10:34am — wholeagain

I hope your party was great! :)

helldweller's picture

Scoop

September 9, 2010 - 10:00am — helldweller

How was your party?????????!!!

helldweller's picture

Scoop

September 9, 2010 - 9:59am — helldweller

How was your party?????????!!!

Scoop's picture

It was a beautiful late

September 10, 2010 - 1:46pm — Scoop

It was a beautiful late summer evening down by the river , everyone came baring my friend .. the cute boat guy said i looked beautiful ! and we talked a lot that evening , i got a bit drunk lol ... but now to my friend she has been away for 3 weeks and i have really been looking foward to seeing her she called me to say she was running late then she called to say she was a the bus stop , then i called her to see where she was and she got stroppy saying she was just in the off licence and she was on her way and she never showed up ! so i text her a rude message saying that she really pissed me off and it was true i give this girl so many chances to prove she is worthy and i lost it with her last night . Boundrys are difficult for me but i wasnt having that behaviour . So she is out of here . Today i feel really tired and drained but holding a party is stressfull . Everyone enjoyed it , they where well fed and drunk and i laughed all night , one of my friends said she hasnt seen me so well in years and another friend cryed on my shoulder over his wife being a narc . im meetin him now to chat about it and direct him to this site (she is a narc i know her .... and so was my friend who didnt show up ).
Only one red flag with cute boat guy was he drunk a lot , he didnt get silly or anything and i guess i was pretty drunk but its something to watch . Thanks for asking guys .. big love Scoop x

kiwi10's picture

helldweller

September 9, 2010 - 12:34am — kiwi10

awe :( i'm so sorry you feel so horrible. you seem like such a thoughtful sweet woman. maybe we could chat sometime and help eachother. i dont know much about your story, but i know that i feel like i have been through a war too. the wort part about it is our 'enemy' was the one we
needed and loved most in the whole world....