And Mariline I want to send a special thanks to you as one of our long time veterans. You words of encouragement, your strength and hope for the future is irreplaceable and I know i look to you and all the veterans out there for much needed guidance as i am moving forward in my recovery.

ps. A swift kick in the pants every once in a while never hurt anybody. (TM my dad)

Lots of love

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Your honesty about your feelings and insight into others is also healing:)

Lisa Marie

I truly believe my krazy-gluing, window smashing days are over. I think that was its own phase. I remembered yesterday--and I had forgotten--that when we were together I would cry myself to sleep every single night. I never, ever, ever do that anymore. I usually have one to three incidents a day when I get tears in my eyes or a lump in my throat, but I really have come so far, and it's thanks to all of you. I like and need your honesty and hard line. The great thing about this site is that we can be honest when we relapse or question ourselves, and we are greeted with that mix of "Get it together!" and "F*ck him!" that is just how sisters and best friends respond. I think about everyone by name all day long, and whether I'm wondering how Scoop's party went or hoping almostlydia and used are doing ok with their huge, sensitive hearts and minds, it's a constant. And yes, Betty2020 is a remarkable young woman. Just remarkable. The difference in how I feel now is so profound since she has been here. I was so afraid to tell the truth before.

I want to thank u for that...you r so right..i dont know how u saw where I was from my posts,..but it made me cry because u really knew..i love this site because I can be vulnerable and totally honest. You have no idea how every person on this site has helped me through this time in my life,i have never felt this kind of loyalty and honesty from other women in my life. It's almost like having an army behind me helping me w this fight. I AM stronger..and thank u for recognizing and 'calling me out' for my weak times,..and thank u everyone for reading and responding to my posts,no matter how trivial some of them are....love to all of u...SWEETSAMM

What a wonderful thread you started! I am so happy we are all here for each other. We are like angels to one another. Love you all. xoxo

The thing I try to remember is that I was deep down the rabbit hole in a Narc relationship just like everyone else here, no matter where they are coming from. Or even the crazy things we do. I did them too.

The most important awareness to come to me as I crawled out was that I had been "in control" all along. Abdigating control to my Narc, which I did do, is a choice. Choice is power. And I made some BAAAAAAAAAAAAD choices!!! OMG.

But I still made them right? My narc didn't control my brain. I had to concede every inch he took. I had to give up everything he took from me.

I didn't do any of this consciously. It seemed to just happen, so I had no idea I was steering my boat. But I was.

The beauty of this is that if I chose to give up, and let him take over, I could choose not to. I started examining very closely what "choice" means, how it works in a person's life.

If I "allowed" this to happen, I could damn well UNALLOW it. For the rest of my life :)

Admitting that I was always in control (whether I knew it consciously or not) meant I spent a lot of time almost hating myself :( . Then I realized if I had thought for one second he would almost destroy me, I'd have run screaming. I didn't know. I had NO idea. So, I began to forgive myself.

We all get where we are going on different paths. Some people seem to shoot forward like rockets and some take meandering paths. At any time, though, in spite of how slowly or reluctantly ladies let go of their Narc, the truth can hit home. Anyone on this board asking the questions they ask will get their answer, and their feet beneath them.

It is very, very hard to watch sometimes. But some people just aren't ready. As long as they want to be ready, they WILL get it, in their own time :)

I end up feeling overwhelmed too, even angry. I want to reach out and kidnap some women :D . Stop the madness. But what good is it unless they stop it themselves? That's the whole point of what *I* learned! It's not about him, it's about ME. And how I participated, and how I gave up my ground and let him displace me.

It puts me in a position of power, in my healing and growth. Which is exactly the answer to the dilemma of these relationships. Taking responsibility for yourself, and using your God-given power to take control of your life and live better.

How wonderful of you to praise the women on here!

I hope you know that has shown all of us what a giving person you are. thinking of everyone else. please smile about that.

Someone had told helldweller she needed to change her name because of the change they have seen in her. She lights a fire under my butt everytime I read somthing she posts. It's true and it's blunt. And I mean that only in the most honorable way! I respect her for that!

Almostlydia...she knows i'm already partial to her name...is so understanding and deep. I read her answers to some posts and think what else could I add. Nothing. Be pretty lame if I all i did was say I agree with almostlydia.

NinjaGirl is back! And she sounds really good!

I would be so lost without this site. Makes me want to cry thinking about that.

Wish we could all get together and have a huge champagne party and toast each other and ourselves!

This is wonderful that you see the growth that takes place here on the forum. It is truly remarkable. This is why Lisa and I commit ourselves to this cause of helping others in recovery. We both can remember our days of pain and misery in the beginning of our own recovery and know the need for boards and support groups like ours. It is a lifeline for the suffering. We will never forget where we came from and how our lives have changed for the better in recovery. Pay it forward is the motto.

As for projects; There is many new projects in the works to bring awareness and help in our recovery from both Lisa and I. Starting with the launch of Allaboutrecoverynetwork. com. This is set to roll out in December and i am sure you all will find it to be a great resource for comfort and support in recovery. We will have a wealth of information and resource, including a much larger forum that will cover all topics that involve the personality disordered and victims of their abuse. New e-books in the works as well....so stay with us on this journey to build awareness. It is just around the corner.

I just want to add a little side note.

Lisa has been such an inspiration to me and words can not express her devotion to this cause. I want you all to know how much she loves you all and thinks about each and everyone here on a daily basis (as i do). We are both in this for the long hall and will not stop until our mission is complete and this disorder is recognized for the impact that it makes on our victims and society as a whole. You will always have a safe place here with us. I hope you all join us in this journey b/c it is only with your support that we can turn our dreams into reality.

Lots of Love Betty
xoxo

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

I find Shaynasmommy very on with her life and over it. SHe is wise with wisdom when she answers my posta. I am new and just found out and shaynamommy must remember it vividly because she tells it straight! She has helped me so much and I will never meet that angel in my life!

Sick of it is also another one of my angels. I love to read her responses. SHe also has the expierience and willing to comment appropriatly. She actually took notice in the "warp speed" I have changed.

Thanks ladies..XOX
Trust, then verify~