I really identify with what your saying here. Especially the bit about being scared to hear his voice. I still feel like that today. I recall a time after about 2 months of NC that he called my phone and began texting me while i was driving. My adrenalin went out the roof, i began shaking and sweating and i thought i was going to throw up. I had to pull off to gain my composure . It was pure craziness but i had no control over what was happening to me. I know now that it was a panic attact due to my fears of hearing something that i didnt want to hear. I was afraid that he would either say something to lure me back in the cycle of abuse or that he would say something hurtful and demeaning. Once the texts came in after his attempted phone calls i found out it was the latter. He was in narc rage that i would not speak to him and give him his fix. I was a wreck for a week after this one incident. I am so grateful that i didnt pick up that phone. The text were enough. I changed my phone number and have not heard a word since. I am still on guard today. I have changed my email accts but have one that i left open due for some old contacts as a means of correspondence. I only check it very rarely but when i do i proceed with caution. Its a very scary situation to be in. Keep up the great work with NC. You will feel so much better in time when you completely block all means of contact. The relief will come.....xoxoxo

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)