3 recovery phrases that helped me!

3 recovery phrases that helped me!
Posted September 6, 2010 - 11:32am
0

I wanted to share these with everyone as they helped me so much in the early phases of the grief....

I journaled all the time to ease some of the pressure and confusion I was feeling, and I was writing, some phrases would pop in my head and I would write them down, here are a few...

YOU HAVE TO FEEL IT TO HEAL IT!!! This was so big for me in the beginning as I was so out of touch with any emotion I was feeling. Never grieved before, never felt lonely, rejected....so when I would get into a desperate state...I would repeat over and over and over...you have to feel it to heal it, you have to feel it to heal it!! It helped!!

DIG DEEPER!! This was huge as I was beginning to process the pain and realize that this wasn't just a surface issue, it went deeper and I had to dig deeper and be willing to go the dark places in my heart to fully heal. Not only was I involved with a narc but deeper...what did I keep putting out there to attract these toxic men like a magnet. This was huge for me!!!

A NEW LEVEL!!!! This one was so perfect....as I began to feel the desperateness subsiding, my message became to go a new level, a higher level.....I didn't want to come out of this still affected by other people's actions, still looking for my validation in others, no peace, no balance.
And to do that....you have to go to a new level, you have to rise above the chaos of this world. Imagine an eagle, soaring on the wind high above the earth looking down....at all the "flapping"... I don't want to be down here flapping, trying to survive, working so hard to keep my peace, I want to soar high above it all, not affected at all by the chaos and maddness of this world. Just peaceful and happy where I am at, focused, soaring....I love that image!!!!

Anyway, that has helped me in the 5 months and I hope it may help someone else as well!!

Lots of light and love!
Sherry

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Sherbear's picture

Thank you all for your replies!!

September 6, 2010 - 8:33pm — Sherbear

Each and every one of you!! It helps me so much to know that you can relate to what I wrote and that you gain strength by it....That is so healing!! To know that your pain is being turned around and is able to help other people!! HUGE!!! I am all about the lessons right now....in fact, I make sure that I write down the blessings that happen to me every day and the lessons that I am learning....I don't want to forget anything. I have pretty much documented this whole terrible, dark time of my life. And it's good to look back and see how far you have come. I am smiling right now~~ a big goofy grin!! Just keep pushing ladies, don't give up, every little step counts!!! And I am going to do the same!! Just one day at a time!! 15 days NC...DONE!!! :o)

Hugs!
Sherry

take_too's picture

Thank you for this

September 6, 2010 - 8:21pm — take_too

I'm copying it into my journal.

Yesterday was my first day of total NC after 4 years of required association and 'negotiation' due to extended legal processes (children and property).

Yesterday I suddenly started crying while traveling home on the train. I had no idea why, it should have been a happy day.

The walls I have built to keep strong so that I can weather the legal storms and not crumble, are starting to come down, now that I don't need them.....I can allow my feelings.

So, thank you Sherry for reminding us of the bigger picture.

Sherbear's picture

Your welcome Sweetie...

September 6, 2010 - 8:51pm — Sherbear

You have to feel it to heal it.....and you are recognizing that it is okay to let go of some of those walls now, that is wonderful! I know those tears all too well, that come out of nowhere and my heart hurts for you, but this is only temporary, if you allow yourself to FEEL IT and truly grieve it. I am proud of you! Big hugs!!

Kelly's picture

Feeling it

September 6, 2010 - 4:17pm — Kelly

Thanks for this post Sherbear. I'm still struggling with my deeper issues and really feeling it. I have moments of soaring though - baby steps :)

Sherbear's picture

BABY STEPS, BABY!

September 6, 2010 - 8:54pm — Sherbear

I am so happy to hear that you are feeling it, that means you are going thru and not taking the easy way out!! Those moments of soaring are going to increase everyday, I promise! I am proud of you, Kelly!! Keep going and know that you are going to come out of this stronger and wiser. You rock! xoxo

Alibi_10's picture

Thanks Sherbear

September 6, 2010 - 1:57pm — Alibi_10

Thanks for this post. Am only on day 2 of NC and feel absolutely awful. I will aspire to this and keep going.

Sherbear's picture

It will get better

September 6, 2010 - 8:58pm — Sherbear

I promise Alibi. Congrats on the 2 days NC, now almost 3 days!! I know how awful it feels but you are finally taking care of yourself....you grow strength when you do the right thing even when it feels so wrong and makes you feel awful. Sending you lots of smiles. xoxo

allthatglitters's picture

These are fabulous!

September 6, 2010 - 1:38pm — allthatglitters

I love these Sherbear! I so needed to read this today. :)

I need to start organizing my thoughts in the way that you have. I love that you're digging deeper to find out what role you played. I've been doing the same thing.... and it's been PAINFUL, but very enlightening. I want to keep doing that.

Learning is always good, right? :) It's the only way we're all going to move forward and be happy.

Sherbear's picture

thank you Glitters!

September 6, 2010 - 8:45pm — Sherbear

Learning is ALWAYS good!! This period has been the most painful thing I have been thru but it is also the BEST thing I ever let myself do! So enlightening! There is something that happens to you when you choose to walk thru the fire and do whatever needs to be done. I feel peace and balance that I have really never felt before. I am not 100% but thank God I am not wher I used to be!! DIG DEEPER, Glitter!! We can be here for each other!

tica's picture

I LOVE

September 6, 2010 - 1:27pm — tica

that image also! Sherry, what you wrote has inspired me to keep the faith that there IS another level..I am 3 months now and somewhat "flapping" and then once and a while "soaring" it is comforting to know these stages you went through, I am definitely FEELING it and now trying to DIG deeper..I read that a relationship with a N can be a catalyst to spiritual transformation and also that the most painful lessons are HUGE for soul advancement..sounds like you have found that out..I hope to be right behind you!

Sherbear's picture

Tica!!

September 6, 2010 - 8:41pm — Sherbear

You inspire ME to keep going!! I am so proud of you and know that each day ...you are closer to full time soaring! And yes, I feel a complete transformation happening to me, my break up was just a peice of it....it has become so much more now!! It's all about me!! Keep up the great work, Tica!

faithinthefuture's picture

Sherry

September 6, 2010 - 11:57am — faithinthefuture

Thank you for your words.
Sometimes I'm afraid that I haven't dug as deep as I need to heal.
The first few weeks were so hard for me...the first 3 days I will admit I drank wine and slept and cried and took baths. It was gut wrenching. Even tho I have days I cry not so much for him but just because I'm lonely I haven't felt that desperation since then.
I now look at healing myself and all the good people I have around me and that gives me strength.
At first I was bound and determined to make sure everyone knew just what kind of person he was. Now that doesn't seem to matter to me because I know. And I will never fall into his trap again.
I just watched a hawk soaring in the sky the other day. The winds were so strong she :-) didn't have to flap at all. It was an amazing sight!
And you what you said about rising above the chaos is very inspirational! To let the chaos go and become us! Believing in ourselves first!

Sherbear's picture

Yes Faith!!

September 6, 2010 - 12:37pm — Sherbear

The shift from focusing on him to focusing on you has happend!! Good for you!!! There is a peace that with knowing that You know what happened and You know what kind of person he is....and that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks... That is freeing!!! Halleluah!!! :O)

Thank you for your words, I can only share what has helped me thru the pain of this madness, and hope that it will help someone else!! I love this site and all the women here. You are right to look around at all the people who love you and to be grateful for that! That is healing to your spirit, to be thankful even in the midst of great sadness. You grow strength by doing what is right even when it feels so wrong....So Proud of You!!! Keep going!! Rise above it and SOAR Sweetie!!!!

Hugs and kisses!!
Sherry

faithinthefuture's picture

Thank you

September 6, 2010 - 6:26pm — faithinthefuture

for your words of encouragment sherry! I am my own worst critic and think I should be soo much further along than I am. For you tell me that not caring if anyone else knows what kind of person he is is freeing made me smile this HUGE smile! That I am on the right road and I will get better and I will be fine!
My 17 yr old daughter who lives in his home town & which due to circumstances I will most likely be moving back to, told me yesterday "mom there isn't a person that I have talked to that doesn't miss you and wish you were here again" Now I don't like to blow sunshine up my own ass(well on occasion I do :-)) but I needed to hear that so bad. I'm trying with all of my heart to stop looking for validation from anyone but myself. I don't mean to step on anyones toes or hurt anyones feelings but i stopped trusting my instincts & I want to be able to do that again. Because I know I am a good person and a true friend.
I love this site too. I didn't find until well after I kicked him out but had sooooo many questions. Finding these women like yourself has given me strength and hope. I really want to thank you for your help.
I will carry with me your words....Keep going! Rise above it! and SOAR sweetie! :-)

Sherbear's picture

My heart is full!!

September 6, 2010 - 8:36pm — Sherbear

Thank you Faith!! Your words mean sooo much to me!! Listen to your daughter!! So many people miss you and love you, go let them love up on you and go ahead....blow some smoke up your ass!!! lol!!! And I will carry you with me !! Go get em Girl!!! :o)