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i have so much anger now, it's so hard not to contact the owmen he is talking to and ask them if they would like to see what he is capable of. i was just looking at the pictures of what he did to me. I had a nightmare last night that I was being beat with a belt by some women for some reason. The pictures are of me with black bruises, that lasted at least three months all over my legs back and arms (from trying to block the belt). He must have hit me 60 times with all his might with a belt. do you knwo what he told me friends? that 'i beat down the door for more so i must have liked it'. Now, here he is dating again. I feel like a piece of shit for not doing anything. what if this happens to another woman because i didn't file charges? i instead am using it as leverage to get more support in the divorce. basically, to black mail. i feel like for the first time today i'm really looking at the pictures and realising just how aweful this was. if anyone wants to know this dangerous man's name or ee the pictures, let me know and i will email you. he is online looking for women.
As much as you want to save
September 5, 2010 - 5:36pm — BriseisAs much as you want to save the other woman, right now you are still so vulnerable, in the thick of it. If you are just barely not drowning anymore, you can't go back in the water to save someone else.
It's really sad, but people have to make their mistakes, and then undo them and learn from them, just like you and me and all the other chicks and guys here.
It says a lot about your sweetness and goodness that you feel some responsibility for what will happen to his other women. But honey, he is scamming ADULT women. Legal adults (god, I hope) with full responsibilities and rights. If they miss out on the red flags, they will be just like you, much much wiser. And very conscious of red flags from now on. The less vulnerable OWs will run for the hills. Let's hope one of them turns the belt on him. Let's hope he runs into the WRONG woman, or her husband/boyfriend/father/brother while we're at it :)
You have no responsibility for what he goes on to do. You can care very much about it though. You can eventually put your info on him up on one of those "Don't Date Him" sites. But for now, you need every ounce of your energy. It's OK to be selfish right now.
I am not a Christian, but I pray for the new victims of my exH. He's gone so far down hill that no "decent" woman would want him anymore anyway. He'll have his choices of crank skanks who are so far gone that even prayer is hopeless. At least he probably won't rope in another one like me, pretending to be what he is not. I can hope, can't I?
Take care of yourself, first. Leave the rest up to God, or Whoever. In a few months, post his information, or have someone else do it for you. That's as good as it gets, and remember the best revenge, or absolution, is a life well lived.
Hold on here...
September 5, 2010 - 3:10pm — wholeagainBe gentle with yourself Fierflie!
Right now you need to save yourself. Don't for a second believe that you could "save" the other woman, in all likelihood she's been under his spell for a long time anyway and wouldn't listen. He's told her his version which she evidently believes. She has her own journey to take.
You've been severely traumatized, it's going to be a big job getting through that. You needn't worry about her or anyone else right now.
I can't analyze your dreams for you obviously, but when you said a woman was beating you I have to wonder if that woman is a part of you? And here you are beating yourself up.
Be as kind to yourself as you would to the kindest women in your life, the ones that you love.
xoxoxo
wholeagain
September 5, 2010 - 3:13pm — kiwi10thank you. i know my psychologist will saythe same thing. good job interpreting.
i doubt after seeing the pictures anyone would believe any story. they are so horrifying you can't make an excuse.
i guess youre right, and i doubt he owuld ever lay a hand on a woman again, but as we all know, the emotional battering hurts the worst and nobody takes it as seriously. i'm just so sick to my stomach that my marriage was such a mess and i feel aweful today.
I hear you
September 5, 2010 - 3:27pm — wholeagainThe low days can get awfully low :(
Are the "friends" that your husband bragged to about that beating you wanted more of still his friends?
If he laid a hand on you, that may or may not have been the first time he physically abused but there's every chance he'll do it again. Severe beatings don't come out of the clear blue ABQ sky. And any man who would tell his friends that you begged for it has no conscience whatsoever.
I agree with you on the emotional abuse. That's why this site is such a godsend, I saw that skeptical look one too many times.
I just saw this bumper sticker as I was walking to work:
Silence does not equal consent
That may be one for you to think about today. Just because you haven't been outspoken about your abuse doesn't mean you're condoning it in any way.
xoxo
I like that too. I should
September 5, 2010 - 3:33pm — kiwi10I like that too. I should get one.
I'm a psychology major and I hope to work with abused women, particularly mentally abused one.
Those friends he said that to were my friends.
don't bother
September 5, 2010 - 5:42pm — sweetsammi hope your friends don't talk to that creep anymore...and telling the other women about what he did to you...won't work.He'll turn it around and somehow make it look like you are crazy and you did it to yourself..as ridiculous as that sounds,i'm not even kidding..he'll say you're psycho,mine always does,the one thing about these narcs is that once you figure out the narc mind they're totally predictable. And honestly,in his mind,you deserved every lash of that belt,he will never feel guilty for it,they don't have the capacity to feel guilty. Mine broke my nose,ribs,fingers,always bruised arms...and said it was my fault,if i wouldve just dropped whatever i was 'bitching' about he never would've done it...this website has totally made me things so clearly now...