Don't think mine qualifies though for this thread...He was so good at cheating and lying...coupled with the fact that I was a very trusting person and never in a million years would I have believed he would cheat on me ...not ever...and he was able to cheat like crazy for over a year....without me ever knowing or even suspecting a thing.

Some of these guys are so good at hiding their secret lives, some of us would never know they ever even cheated I think!

For instance, his ex-wife (with whom I have a supportive/cordial relationship behind the scenes) never suspected he cheated on her...beat her black and blue...which is why she left (or rather was rescued by law enforcement and he was arrested)...but she swears he never cheated. When I showed her some letters and pics of him ( letters from OW & pics with OW -pleural) that he had in his locked files from when they were married...proving he had cheated....she started laughing actually...she said there were never any signs of it at all...and he denied ever cheating...boasted that he would never cheat....but he DID...not only once or twice...but constantly.

Many of these snakes have the most amazingly hidden secret lives...like they can hide their true selves from us so well...until we are lured in...they are VERY good actors. They should hold something akin to the 'Oscar' or 'Emmy' awards for Narcissists!

It wasn't the cheating that hurt so much, (oh it hurt to find he had been with another woman alright)...but it was even more devastating how he could LIE so well. I still can't get over the difference between how 'honest and decent' and how 'good a man' he appears to be....and how he is the complete opposite of this!...He appears beautiful and charming on the outside...but is rotten to the core inside...

Never knew anyone who could lie like he does!

Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!

I can honestly say that I know that my ex did not cheat on me either. He did something much worse, he violated the emotional trust and robbed me of any connection to him. I too wish he had cheated so that I could have something tangible at the time to point to and say ah-ha, and get on with my life.

He did cheat on me, not physically but mentally with his internet and porn habits into the wee hours of the night.

I truly don't believe that my exN cheated on me when we were together. We broke up three times during the 8 years of the relationship and he pursued other women during the breaks, but whether he slept with anyone else, I really don't think so. I think he's more of the intellectual N then the somatic N.

However, he was a huge flirt with women and in the earlier years, blatantly flirted right in front of me. And, I honestly don't think he even considered how this behavior was inappropriate and hurtful to me. There's that entitlement. But I have to add that he is a life-long bachelor and used to doing whatever he wants without responsibility to anyone other than himself. But certainly, he needed excessive amounts of attention from women, especially attractive women.

I, like you, finally had enough of the constant conflict, character attacks, mind games, negativity surrounding everything, lack of support, criticisms, total arrogance and self-centeredness, the list goes on and on. I had ever-present anxiety around him and was tired and depressed when not around him. I didn't like or even recognize the person I had become and relationships with other people in my life were suffering as well. There were so many weekends and evenings that I chose to NOT be with him because I knew it would be time focused only on him. I had to spend time with myself or other to get the attention I needed.

We had been engaged for 2.5 years and I was so worried about marrying him and moving myself and my children in with him. I was worried about selling my home of 18 years and then not having a safe haven to return to if/when things failed. I really believe that somewhere deep inside me, I knew they would fail. They had been failing for over 8 years already.

I had gotten to the point where I was on edge all the time around him and the night before Valentines Day we were going out for dinner with friends. I dreaded seeing the gang and having to endure their questions about when was he wedding date. We had already set and delayed two dates already. I pretty much had a melt-down and told him that I didn't want to be engaged anymore. I wasn't sure about whether I wanted to completely end the relationship or not, but he took the broken engagement to mean "we're done" and ended it himself. It's been an angry period of months filled with punishment and character attacks.

I've had second thoughts and have even apologized to him for breaking the engagement, especially the way I did it. But now that I have learned about NPD, and have become completely enlightened to what I had been going through all those years, I know that I did absolutely the right thing. I really believe that it was my sane inner self taking over. I still have difficulty with adjusting and realizing the finality of the relationship, but it's easier to think more about myself and less about him.

I don't know if your situation is anything like this, but even when there's no cheating involved, it hurts every bit as much to feel like you're not important or valued in your most important relationship (other than children of course).

I'm working on NC and, even though it is very hard and hurts so much to realize the ending of something that was so important to me, I can see how calmer my life is already getting and one day I'm sure I'll be back to the person I used to be - happy and self confident.

Any and all behaviors of the Narc are devastating!

though the thought did cross my mind on many occasions because he is a HUGE flirt, always looking at OW and no doubt undressing them in his mind and fantasizing about all kinds of sick thoughts....Oh, but he was ALWAYS reassuring me I have nothing to worry about because none of these women compare to me, he said he might look at other women but he's not interested in any of them because he loves me...blah-blah-blah-etc-etc-etc. He is obsessed with porn too..all kinds of porn....sick! He told me about a dream he had once about being surrounded by a group of naked men and how he enjoyed having fun with them in the dream..**vomit**

My N swears he never cheated on me. But i cant be sure. I used to snoop a lot in the beginning because i had every reason to worry he might cheat(knowing his past). But also he was so obsessed with porn and fantasizing about other girls including having all sorts of dreams about his ex's etc... He had a billion dreams about cheating on me... i had a billion nightmares about him cheating on me. I think the only reason i was able to snoop less and feel more secure in the later years is that eventually he stopped journaling and/or documenting his thoughts and i had no energy to worry as much as i had been.

I too used to think that i wanted to catch him just to have a good reason to get out /stop the fear...

Only in the last year did another crush of his start freaking me out... I was just starting to really worry... having been with him for 9 years and being more than ready to start a family.. I started getting stronger and more sure that i would eventually need to make a stand / make an ultimatum b/c i couldnt live with all this uncertainty and fear anymore....

He beat me too it all. He dumped me b/c he wanted a female version of himself only better.

Im certain that he will never be happy. Never be happy with the girl he is with, never be happy with the life he has...
Many people tell me im lucky.. that i am dodging a bullet.But i feel completely awful and miserable having spent so much love, time and energy on him just for him to throw me away like this and get with someone else 2 weeks later. (and someone i know and dislike.. someone who was his friend and co-workers girlfriend) it is simply mortifying...