For those of you who remember my story.....

For those of you who remember my story.....
Posted September 2, 2010 - 9:14pm
0

Once again I am completely crushed. I got back together with my narc. Even after he uninvited me to that party. He apologized, and we started regularly hanging out, and sleeping together.

Deep down inside I still feel resentful, especially for his D&D during my cousin's death last winter.

When we first got together again a few weeks back I slept with him without a condom, and he promised me he hadn't had unprotected sex with anyone. Then during dinner a few nights later he admitted to having unprotected sex with this girl he dated. But..I forgave him, as long as he got tested.

Another week goes by, and I try to observe his behavior. He is really into committing this time, and wants me to be his GF again, but I don't feel like we have anything to talk about. All he wants to do is run around do all these activities hangout with his friends...so I planned a one on one picnic tonight.

He gets to my house and I immediately start bringing up the past and how hurt I was. He just kisses me. At the picnic all he looks at me he says, "Hey, the 80s called and they want their skirt back," I told him to not make fun of me like that. He said I just made fun of his preppy shirt an hour back , which is true- but I told him feelings are relative, and that hurt my feelings. Then during dinner all he did was hum and sang, barley asked be questions. I called him out on his behavior.

Finally, we both agreed something is off. I tried to express how I felt like he wasn't putting in any effort and he FLIPPED. He said I was so ultra-sensitive, mad at every little thing, and always bringing up the past. He dropped me off. And told me how f'ing sick he was of this stupid relationship?

What am I doing right now? Begging for him back? How did this happen? The guy who left me during a funeral, threatened to call the police on me, threatened to hit me while we were dating....whom I took back...now I am begging? WTF? I need HELP! HE makes me feel SO unstable. I've been avoiding this board because I feel like I criminalize him. I am so so lost.

‹ Deprogramming comfort ›
tasha's picture

sarah787

September 3, 2010 - 8:59pm — tasha

oh dont beg him to come back! Go NO CONTACT. Your not unstable-he is! You dont need him or this chaos in your life, he is as toxic to you as cyanide!!

YOU DONT NEED HIM ....Dont let desparation or loneliness get the best of you. If no one in your life has told you this I will-YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Read here, learn from others-do what you need to, dont loose yourself to his madness!

wholeagain's picture

Sarah

September 3, 2010 - 9:46am — wholeagain

I'm sorry you're going through this...he makes you feel unstable because he is unstable, which is why NC is where you need to take this again. Every time you go back it's the same song, different verse.

If you're in contact with him, it'll hurt, sooner or later. His promises are empty, he's proven that over and over. Your conversations with him, despite your best efforts, aren't normal, these aren't mature adult interactions.

And a mature, responsible adult does not tell you that it's safe to have unprotected sex with him then later say oh yeah OOPS not so safe after all maybe. He's risking your health and life.

Time to break your addiction to this man. Are you ready to get back on the NC wagon darlin? He can only hurt you if you let him. NC is the only thing that will eventually ease the pain and get you back to clarity.

goldie's picture

Doesn't get any better

September 3, 2010 - 11:31am — goldie

Hi Sarah,

I remember your story and there were dozens of responses for you the last time you went through this. You may want to read them again. I second what wholeagain says. No contact and a good therapist for additional support.

God bless,
Goldie

sarah787's picture

Please I need support. I

September 3, 2010 - 7:19am — sarah787

Please I need support. I don't know what to do. I am so depressed, and I feel like its all my fault.

kiwi10's picture

its not your fault :( do you

September 4, 2010 - 2:09am — kiwi10

its not your fault :(
do you need to talk to someone on the phone? you can call me

Janet's picture

Dear Sarah, Wholeagain wrote

September 3, 2010 - 11:10am — Janet

Dear Sarah,
Wholeagain wrote an excellent post; it is time for some soul searching deep thought. In your heart you know this is not a healthy, mature relationship. Do what is right for you.

Peace. J

sarah787's picture

Oh yes, and part of the

September 2, 2010 - 9:18pm — sarah787

Oh yes, and part of the reasons why I forgave him for the party thing is because my therapist convinced me to get back together with him. She said I need to take a look at how I contribute to the fighting. And she also said everyone is a narcisiist.

kiwi10's picture

great...

September 4, 2010 - 2:10am — kiwi10

is your 'therapist' a doctor?

sarahb's picture

your therapist sucks

September 3, 2010 - 8:34pm — sarahb

not all therapists are competent. sounds like this one is not at all competent and in fact dangerous and harmful! try a different therapist!!!

NancyM's picture

sarah787

September 2, 2010 - 9:55pm — NancyM

Hi Sarah, so sorry you are stuck in the spin cycle of the Narc. It seems to me that you are having a very difficult time accepting if he is a Narc or not. The problem is, it does not matter what sort of diagnosis you get, if a guy treats you this way, and makes you question your own sanity, then he is clearly bad news.

"She said I need to take a look at how I contribute to the fighting. And she also said everyone is a narcisiist."

This statement by your therapist is selling you down the river. I know in my situation, therapy was the trigger that started the domestic violence in my relationship because of statements like this. It validated HIS behaviour. If your therapist thinks everyone is a Narcissist, then she may just be one herself, and believes it is normal. Spoken like a true Narc I say. Please get yourself a new therapist, someone that at least understands the concept. A therapist like this is not going to help or validate your experience, she is only going to do you more damage and add to your confusion.

Keep posting and let us know of your progress. It is not until you put some distance between yourself and him will you start to find any sort of clarity on what really happened.