Making Signifacnt Progress - BUT...

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#1 Aug 31 - 4PM
OriginalMe
OriginalMe's picture

Making Signifacnt Progress - BUT...

I am finding myself the most vulnerable when I am going to bed. Of course I am alone and my mind wanders to who he is with. I do not want him back, but I feel incredibly lonely when I go to bed. I do not have this feeling throughout the day at all, and I feel really strong and powerful.

It does not matter if I am just trying to take a nap or trying my best to get a full nights sleep, I just can't seem to fall asleep without my mind racing. I have not had a good nights sleep in I don't know how long.

I really do not want to medicate, but I don't know how to stop this powerful tool called my brain when I most want it to rest.

Aug 31 - 9PM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

progress but...me too

Me too i am obssessing about if he has someone and the worst for me is now,around 2 am...we were daily talking to each other on S kype,he lives in Tulsa Oklahoma and me in Holland,Europe...so here is 2 am and Tulsa 7 pm....so i go to bed take a sleeping pill(hoping i will sleep trough the night)wake up EVERYNIGHT around the time i would start talking with him,BOEM then i start thinking who is he on The NET or Skype right now?he blocked me so i cannot see when he goes online....in the beginning after D&D after 9 months NC i saw his green dot on Skype lighting up,i thought he was going to call me but he didn't....then 2 days later i broke NC and asked him if he did tryied to contact me...he said no,i met this woman online,she is just like you ,a good person and i am now working on it.....The only thing is she is not crazy as you are....Later i hesrd thst didn.t worked out...but my ex N is thetype that goes to music sites,culinary sitaes,not dating sites but does watch Porn...so EVERY night i am up,no sleep thinking is he watching porn and masturbatig or ambushing somebodys mother or daughter again...and not even ONCE calling me or send an email asking how i am doing,alone i have no family,i left my husband to be with him i only have family in Brasil....Believe me i cried an ocean for this guy,i still have very sexual feelings towarsds hi, i am working out 6 times a week at the gym,taking good care of myself,but nights,and weekends during the wee hours are really the worst,because i know he is just a click away and he do not care if i live or die...i am 54 years old,i look 40 and he is 43 and looks over 50....(please read my story)hughs

Aceonelady

Aug 31 - 9PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I used to obsess about who

I used to obsess about who he was with and still do from time to time. I hate to say it but it just takes time and some tylenol pm
Aug 31 - 8PM
lili124
lili124's picture

n/a

I can relate to all your posts here. I am also like this when I go to bed thinking over how I could have been lied, cheated and all of the above. I was in total denial but I have been NC for maybe 5 mo and I feel myself getting better. No contact at all and I am starting to feel like my old self again. I just look at myself like I am a work in progress and every day is a new beginning. I finally have this feeling of freedom that I cannot explain. These kind of people will destruct your lives no matter what. They are very charming and just think they are the best thing ever. If only they could wake up and get real with themselves. Thanks for all the posts.
Aug 31 - 7PM
monique94550
monique94550's picture

Listen to Podcasts

At night in bed I listen to downloaded radio programs done by Melania Tonia Evans (which is where I found Lisa E. Scott). Got to www.melanietoniaevans.com, and see the "Media" tab. She does a radio program every week, primarily on recovery from narcissistic abuse, boundaries, co-dependence. There are probably 50 programs to download. She has a beautiful soothing voice (she's from Australia), and the message is very positive and uplifting. It's great to soak your brain with that stuff before you go to sleep. While I'm listening, I play Bejeweled on my iPod touch. :) Before I know it I can barely keep my eyes open, and I fall asleep. Although I am waking up at 4 a.m. or 5 a.m. every day. So I go ahead and get up and empty the dishwasher, do some laundry, then go for a good 1/2 hour walk (listening to iPod again!), then shower and get ready for work. I'm keeping up with the laundry!
Sep 1 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

monique94550 & Podcasts, thanks!

*clapping profusly* www.melanietoniaevans.com ohhh yayyy... this is what I have been looking for. I do have a page bookmarked on my puter with a lot of these shows but isn't very user friendly. This one is, thanks again monique94550! ~~~~~ “The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don’t give them,” --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf :)

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Aug 31 - 4PM
terri
terri's picture

I hear ya Brad but...

I am just the opposite. I am usually very happy to be going to bed by myself but the minute I wake up in the morning (or in the middle of night), I have such horrible pangs of sadness and aloneness in my heart. I have to really force myself to get up and move into the day and I miss the old me of waking up with happy anticipation of what the day would bring. I'm really going to try to adhere to the NC rule as I am beginning to understand how important it is to COMPLETELY bannish the Ns from our lives - can't even think about them. How to do that? I haven't a clue. But I agree that pharmaceuticals is not the best option. Maybe if we try to look at the progress we've made and appreciate our accomplishment that we're moving forward instead of backward, and not look at how far we still have to go. We'll eventually get there. Kind of like climbing - don't look down, keep looking up! I was with a couple recently (who are friends) and watching how they effortlessly interacted and co-existed. They had a mutual respect and deep affection for each other that was underlying everything about them. Particularly the man - he absolutely adored the woman and she glowed in this presence. And they've been together for 20+ years. I'm sure they've had their problems but this is how it is supposed to look and feel. I want that. I deserve that. And so do you and everyone on this forum. We're definitely moving in the right direction!

Believe in yourself!
Terri