Its seriously tricky when it comes to having relationships with narc men and having the unhelpful added pressure of raising a child togther is totally beyond reason sometimes. Inevitable our children will 'mimic' the dynamics of family life whatever that is or was or may be at any given time. One can only hope in time that we can build the love in our own lives to show our children how to respect and support poeople the around them.
It tricky because our children look to us to teach them how to behave but if we have condoned abuse form the other parent for any length of time then it reflects out agreement of the condition we have found ourselves in, well especially in the child eyes. SO if we make sure not to accept negative behaviour form anyone and demonstrate that we shall not allow it openly then we can change the outcome considerably.

I see the traits of a a child in his narcisstic stage of childhood and I also see the triats of his father. I sometimes say to him MISTAKENLY... VERY BAD.. 'oh thats just like you being your dad'.. I must stop that as it hasl demonstated that yes, he is being bad and yes that he can do that thimg becasue one of his parents does it.. SO I try to punish bad behavior in my son in a firm way. I make him sit on his own on the steps, if he ever hits me or says things that are not nice to me. Which he does but all chilren do.

He gets angry sometimes but I try to stay calm and I help him to find a solution to his anger.
I also see that it is 'my anger' that he frustratingly repeats at me.

His narc father did a good job of abusing me in a calm collected more spine chillingly destructive way. I always ened up looking like the crazy one. He even swung a racket at me in a 'calm' way... and then told me I was being agressive in front of our son. !!!

So yea, its not easy and we know the stats show us that if you have narc parents you can go either way how the kids turn out, but I am praying that by forgiving myself, being my own friend, looking at healing myself, and loving my son with a open true heart, that, that will be enough to ensure my son has a happy productive life with the knowledge strength to be happy in his own skin and happy to support others to have there own autonomy too...

Maybe one day I will have a new relationship and by that point I will be capable of a mutually supportive relationship. And that my son might get to be around people who can support his ability to grow up and be a compassionate and mentally stable man.
Its upseting to see my narc husbands traits in him sometimes. I do see stuff that I know comes form the dysfunction but I keep on keepping on. Be the light you seek. Your son will see that light. He is still young enough for that to win through...
xxx