It's really hard. I start to shake when he texts me after a dry spell of not talking. When he would come over, I would be a total wreck, from before he arrived through his departure. And SEEING him and his foster child, especially going out at night together holding hands: you might as well put me in a straight jacket for the shakes. It was just awful. The fatigue--the sheer exhaustion--is the worst of it. I can barely function. Even now, its eight a.m., I had my coffee an hour ago and I hurt all over and feel like I need to lie down I'm so tired. Stomach cramps, diarrhea, dry heaves, the works. They say it gets better. I feel for you.

we have a drop off/pick up point for son. I had to drop son off and didnt get out of there before he got there. My heart feels like its pounding out of my chest. Does it ever go away? that is my question?

I can completely understand your ptsd triggering around your ex, I am the same with my ex N co-parent, especially if he is 'playing up' or upsetting the kids in any way. It is horrible because long after the trigger of seeing him, it can take hours or days to calm my own nerves depending on how his demeanor was.

I forget what it is called now but there is a kind of email service provider in the US where all correspondence between co-parents is logged and monitored, that way if he tries to manipulate in any way it is there as evidence.

There are many I have heard of who choose this service to deal with co-parenting issues with their ex PD's. The system has facility of a year planner to add activity dates, holidays etc. I will find out and come back with the name.

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"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4