positivefuture's story

I must say it feels so good to finally have an outlet to let it OUT! So forgive me if this ends up being long 

We met 27 years ago. He was my best friend through most of high school and afterwards. I never felt romantic feelings for him when we were young, but we did try a few times (he even proposed several times) to make it work romantically – but I just never could feel anything but friendship for him. Over the years we’d connect, lose touch (mostly because of me) and connect again. He’d always tell me upon reconnection I was the love of his life, but it just never ever felt more than friendship to me. He married, had kids, divorced, etc. We lost touch from 2003 until this past January 2010. When we reconnected I was finally ready for him romantically. And he was EVERYTHING to me, as he always had been. This was the man that I always knew would love me unconditionally, treat me like a queen, put me on a pedestal, and I could trust with 100% certainty that he would never EVER hurt me ….oh, you where I am going LOL.

The mask was on for about 8 weeks. It was so amazing. The constant love adoration affection sex talks laughs red flags….did I say red flags. Yes, but I ignored them because he obviously loved me. I was the love of his life as he said. He even thought of me when making love to his ex-wife (when they were married). The control started right away. Day one, but I overlooked it because it just meant he loved me so much. The insults and control and manipulation was all surrounded by so much love and affection, it was easy to look the other way. But my gut knew something was wrong. I won’t go into all the abuse, lies, manipulation, twists and turns here. I tried to be better, prettier, stronger, more loving, listen to him, But one of the times we were having a “talk” he told me all our problems started because I was questioning him about his ex….I wasn’t, never had, never would, it was completely not true and I KNEW he was lying and demented. This lie coupled with everything else made me start to research abuse which eventually led me to this forum (thank goodness!!!).

I am only two days no contact, however, my friend saw him hanging around the place we work (he doesn’t live in the same city as I do so he should not be here!), and his sister emailed me 3 times yesterday to find out if she could come visit sometime in the next few months. I know he put her up to it. I haven’t blocked him yet; for some reason I am afraid to hurt his feelings, and maybe (like someone very insightful posted earlier) I am still looking for him to validate me – miss me – contact me, so I can feel good about myself for a minute…..until he gives me the next line of bs, abuse, or whatever. After all of the times he hurt MY feelings, why am I worried about his?

This is beyond strange!

BUT – thank you all for all the posts, because your support, insights, subjects, recommendations have already helped me so much. I’ve been reading the boards for about 3 weeks now 

Best (to all of us!),

Positive Future