Tigger73's Story

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#1 Jul 5 - 12AM
tigger73
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Tigger73's Story

O.K. So here goes. I just ended a 10 yr marriage, 3 wonderful kids, and they truly are MY kids because I am the one who has raised them and have put the time in. My relationship started out the same as everyone else's. Too good to be true, flowers, gifts, he loved my family, loved spending time with my family, loved church. So kind and attentive and patient. We dated for 6 mths. WAY TOO SHORT OF A DATING PERIOD. On the way home from the honeymoon, he ignored me. Finally, he said, "I know when I GET YOU HOME, I won't have YOU all to MYSELF". And that is when IT started. I still don't realize how severe the abuse was, and that is why I am here. When I tell the story, it sounds horrific what is coming out of my mouth, yet it was so "normal" and lasted so long. It started with complete inpatience. I then noticed that he got irritated when my family stopped by. Hated my friends. Stopped going to church. ALWAYS UPSET WITH SOMETHING. I mean ALWAYS. If he was happy, it was fake, I now realize. If I didn't set his vitamins out for him every morning, it would ruin his day and he would pout. He hated to go visit family, even for the day, hated to go do fun things, other than drive around on country roads and drink beer.If I took the kids somewhere fun for the day, when we came home, he would ignore us and didn't want to talk to any of us. I now realize he didn't get his supply that day and not enough attention and it pissed him off. I cannot count the times I had to physically flee from my home, usually late at night when the kids were asleep and run and hide from him in the neighborhood because he was in a N rage. I never knew what caused his rages, there was never a good reason for him to be that truly mad. I have slept behind the church across the street from our house until I knew he had probably passed out.13 days before I delivered my sweetheart 2 yr old, I ran from the house in the rain and cold and had to RUN, with him in my van chasing me, looking for me. I hid underneath the bleachers at the school near our home. Get this....I am a RN with a BSN. Completely educated, and completely stupid for 10 long yrs. I forced myself to leave after he drug our 8 yr old son up 16 basement steps before school one day, cussing and screaming at him. I came home from work and the kids, 13 and 8 yr olds, sat ME down and told ME that they did not want to live in fear anymore. I completely underestimated the damage he was causing them. My daughter said she felt like she was pretending and living a lie when he was around. Thankfully, he wasn't around that much.Could not bring himself to sit and have dinner with us. The first time I was hit in the face, our boy was just 5 wks old. I was holding him in my arms when I was hit. I have been manhandled more times than I can count. Makeup on the back of my arms to cover bruises. ALWAYS WALKING ON EGGSHELLS. I could never ask N a question. Even if it was innocent and neutral. My family learned early too to gauge his mood and really watch closely what you say as it will cause a very negative reaction. The final straw was we had went on a date on Sat night, intimate that night, intimate Sun morning. He left for a business trip overnight, and 1:30 in the morning I get a call from an escort service and they informed me that they were calling because he thought he would get some form of sexual service after a massage, and it pissed him off so he wouldn't pay for her trip to the motel, and then he proceeded to call another service that did do sexual favors. That was the final straw. I knew that was my out. Now, why it took that to make me get out plus the kids, and why all the N abuse for yrs before wasn't enough, well that is something I need to figure out about myself. This is getting so long. I just needed to share this. The only way I am getting thru this is educating myself on this disorder. I am glued to this site and I don't feel so alone. I will say this, I am so afraid of men right now. I look at all of them as if all are predators. It will take a lot of time before I can even think of being with a man. Oh, and he already found someone before I even moved out. It's funny, I could tell he changed within the same day after I refused him sex. I now realize that I cut off the N supply and he had to immediately replace it. Fine. She will learn soon. Another thing, for 10 yrs I have put up with wherever we go, he has to find the prettiest woman and I call it "eye screw" her. He always makes eye contact, and I can be sitting right there and it would go on as long as she was in the room. How screwed up. I mean I could look like a million bucks, and there we sit. I realize now that he is ALWAYS searching for supply. It was so humiliating. I cannot believe I put up with this for so long.I thought I had to stay for the kids. God was I ever wrong. I ended up LEAVING for them, and in the end I will be healthier too. Thanks for listening. I'm sure I'll post more as this is therapeautic. This is going to sound so messesd up when I ask this question, but I'm telling you I am so brainwashed. With what I have described, and please know this is just the tip, does it sound bad to you? And YES, I am in therapy, precisly because of what I just asked you. I realize what I am thinking is not normal, otherwise I wouldn't ask it, so I realize there is something very wrong with my psyche, but it is on the road to recovery. I guess I just need to hear it from someone else that this treatment I described is not normal. I wouldn't even know what I normal relationship looks like.Thanks for listening.

Aug 4 - 11AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Tigger

Just read your story. Honestly, they should just line these animals up and shoot them.
Jul 27 - 8AM
narcdx3
narcdx3's picture

Educated

I too am an RN----seems there are several of us on here. Guess what they say may be true---nurses have co-dependent tendency. I have psych background but I also have lots of hurt in my past that I didn't effective cope with. We can't judge ourselves based on our education level. We are in the business of caring and for me that was my stumbling block---I just couldn't fathom that ppl could be so messed up and I needed to fix it. I felt that if I tried hard enough and found the source of their issues I could make it all better. Thank goodness I was able to drop that. I think after this final blow for me I have learned to put myself and kids first. They need me to make the right choices and keeping him in their life or the other 2 N's that were influencing my life was wrong. I had to stop the cycle. I look at my babies daily and feel loads of guilt for the months that I was rocking an adult--a huge overgrown baby!! When I'm down or nervous or being blasted by the N I look at them and say to myself--I will get thru this and I will come out better for it. As you will read in researching the N there is no understanding why they are hollow so let the nurse in you realize that, set him aside as broken and terminal. You have given all you can. Time to heal.
Jul 24 - 7AM
MelloMix
MelloMix's picture

Focus on the kids

Hi tigger, You've done the hard part. You've done the very best for your kids and for yourself. You are a brave and loving woman who deserves better than this monster - who sounds like a psychopath. You will get through this. (((hugs))) to you Mello PS I can relate to the 'eye contact'. SPONGEBOB thought he could 'mesmerise' any woman by giving her the GAZE!
Jul 5 - 3AM
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

I'll second that. That

I'll second that. That behavior is NOT normal. It's very, very bad. Sadly, in relationships, the abnormal becomes "normal" to us. But it's great that you finally recognized the abnormality enough to leave. As you said, you are on your way to recovery.
Jul 5 - 12AM
Steph
Steph's picture

Welcome:)

Yes, it is that bad. The treatment you have endured is far from normal. There, you have been validated:) I am so sorry that you endured this, and so happy you and your kids are out of it. Also, glad to hear you in therapy. It takes a long time to fix your mind after the damage they cause. I can tell you are a very strong woman and headed in the right direction for recovery. Don't feel ashamed that because you are well educated - you should have known better. These predators fool highly intelligent women. I am an RN with a degree as well and my first relationship with an N (didn't know that's what he was at the time and it was a different abusive relationship that brought me to this site) was very physically abusive as well. It took me 7 years to leave him, after marrying him. I understand where you are coming from. Everyone here does. You did nothing wrong. Your relationship was NOT normal. You have come to the right place to help you heal. Everyone here is very knowledgable and very supportive. Look forward to hearing more from you. Hugs to you:) xoxo