Ambient Abuse

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 3 - 10PM

betty2020

Ambient Abuse

I am a victim of ambient abuse. This is exactly what happened to me. There are days that i wish he would have just hit me, punched me, knocked my teeth out. But no....being the monster that he is he had to slowly and painfully rape my mind and soul. This is the worst abuse you can inflict on a person.

http://www.suite101.com/pages/article_old.cfm/verbal_emotional_abuse/105821

#2 Jul 5 - 11AM

Lisa E. Scott

Betty

Great article from Vaknin. Thanks for sharing!!!

#3 Jul 4 - 10AM

Susan32

What shocks me

My ex-Psychopath was my TEACHER. I was his student. For a teacher to engage in "ambient abuse" of a student is hideous and wrong. Teachers aren't supposed to abuse their students, yet being the teacher was his prime EXCUSE. He showed no remorse because he saw me as the disobedient student. He wanted to make me feel outnumbered, outgunned, and alone. It's embarrassing enough to be enamored of a professor--but he took the knife and twisted it. He wanted to turn my classmates against me-but that backfired big time. HE was the one being called the jerk because he hadn't told me that he had a girlfriend. He was NOT the victim. It shocked me when I got SOME validation from my therapist at the time,and she gave the pat response of "he's not your friend, he's a teacher." Being a professor does NOT justify emotional abuse. Ever.

#4 Jul 4 - 7AM

betty2020

I just keep reading this

I just keep reading this over and over. I felt like a hostage and would often make reference to that while i was with him. As stated, it is so difficult to pinpoint this type of abuse. Its is so subtle and virtually impossible to trace in the aftermath but can be seen by the damage goods left (me). It really makes you wonder what kind of a person could pull this off. They would certainly need to have psychopathic characteristics to master this. These people are the most dangerous people on the planet.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#5 Jul 4 - 5AM

ewa

This is what happened to me

This is what happened to me too. Thanks for sharing!

#6 Jul 4 - 5AM

ewa

.

#7 Jul 4 - 4AM

grossot

oh my

This is exactly what I lived. Did he know this is what he was doing? Could he have stopped himself? http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#8 Jul 3 - 11PM

NancyM

betty2020

Thanks for this Betty, it clears up a lot of what happened in my second relationship. When I first started learning about Ns, I knew my first and third relationship fit the bill, but did not really consider the second. It was by telling my sister about Ns, she pointed out to me that from what she saw regarding manipulation, and him always being at me, she considered that it was the second relationship that had been the worst in her view. I was stunned at the revelation because he had not been a rager but other things had gone on. It is certainly hard to get a handle on the ambient nature of it. Ta muchly:)

Nevergoback

#9 Jul 4 - 1AM (Reply to #2)

James (not verified)

Thanks Betty

And how easy it can be to lose control over one's life. Strength by force is of course the easiest to see happening but it can also come by sweetness kindness in sutler ways as well. There is a old saying that states how "the way to destruction can be paved with good intentions". Whenever one gives away a part of themselves one should know why? That's just common sense but we are also taught one shouldn't look at a kind act with judgment. Sorry but I disagree knowing how many sociopath's are the kindest people you will ever meet. It's not until one lives with one or gets too close do we ever see what most people will never see nor understand. I know that I lived under the idealization that my ex really loved me only to awake one day to discover the truth. This was a few years before she was gone but what really blew me away was how can anyone leave their teen children without even a tear? I still have the hardest time understanding this and it's been 3 years NC. I have come to understanding how I will never understand this and maybe that's for the best. So again thanks and for me being too nice can be a red flag and one I now look out for. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#10 Jul 5 - 10PM (Reply to #4)

hitandrun

James

I couldn't agree with you more. "Too nice" is now a red flag for me as well. It's only when you get too close to these people that the monster comes out of the closet, or the mask slips off.

#11 Jul 5 - 11PM (Reply to #5)

loveofmylife

Same here

too nice. Everyone thinks he is the nicest person they ever met. Of course, he keeps all of his relationships at a superficial level with them and so he can stay nice. But once you are under his thumb and he thinks he should be in control off you..OMG.... run for cover.

#12 Jul 5 - 10PM (Reply to #3)

hitandrun

Thank you betty2020

Exactly what happened to me. Thank you so much for posting this.

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