drivencrazyinflorida's story

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#1 Jun 19 - 5PM

drivencrazyinflorida

drivencrazyinflorida's story

I am less than 30 days separated from my narcissitic husband. His second wife committed suicide, I understand why now. I am still in shock and self hatred to the depths I descended to please this man. He exploited me and told what to wear, the color my hair should be, to wear revealing clothing,etc. He pressured me into a breast augmentation and would get me drunk and try to pimp me out to strangers. I was to spend no time with friends or family. I went from a devoutly spiritual person to an alcoholic who wished to die. I knew if I did not leave I would not survive another year. I am now trying to find the "old" me and hoping I can. God bless Lisa for this message board. It helps to know I am not the only one.

#2 Jun 21 - 11AM

Goldie

You are not alone

Hi Chickadee, I hear you and can relate to so much of your story My np encouraged me to drink seems he prefered me that way, much easier to manipulate. Try to keep reminding yourself that you are and were o.k. before he came along and we are and will be again. You are in my prayers today, we all deserve someone who loves us as we are. God Bless, Goldie

#3 Jun 21 - 4PM (Reply to #9)

drivencrazyinflorida

Thank you Goldie, I needed

Thank you Goldie, I needed that. The support here is invaluable and I know I will find my way back. Surviving the narcissist is an awful "club" to be in but I'm glad to be in the survivors group and I hope to be able to help others once I recover a bit myself. God bless you.

#4 Jun 20 - 4PM

Introspection

Hello Driven and welcome to the family!

If you haven't already done so, you must go No Contact. You should not communicate, answer or contact him anymore in any way, shape or form. Avoid mutual friends as he may try to reel you back in through them. You can find yourself again and you are off to a good start by recognizing that you must leave him before he destroys you. There are a lot of insightful posts on this forum and appears you have read some. This will really help you in keeping focused and when you are faced with the inevitable questions that come to mind for us normal people who do not understand mis-wired, non-human actions. Please take care of your health, eat right and keep active. You should not allow yourself to fall into deep thought about the him or stay indoors avoiding people and daylight. When thoughts of the past or him come to mind, force yourself to replace the thoughts with other thoughts. For example, when my XN came to mind, I would repeat over and over again, "he does not love me, he never did and never will." At one point, it became the norm and I stopped thinkging that he loved me (deprogammed). I know it should have been obvious when he cheated on me and later wanted me to kill myself but it really did not register. I had to force myself to quit romantizing that the loving man that I first met would one day show up at my doorstep again. This man never existed, it was all a fantasy! You need to focus on yourself, be selfish and think of your recovery only. Keep a journal and write all your thoughts, this will help you keep focus and in moments when when you feel weak, it will be a great reminder of the hell he put you through. Welcome and keeping posting...and remember, this too shall pass.

#5 Jun 22 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Goldie

Awesome post

I am making a copy of this post to put on my mirrow. Screw him, it's my mirrow and I will look in it everyday to remind myself that I was fine before I met him and eventually I will get my bills on track, my house repaired, my body is healing, and my spirituality back. I love what you said about mutual friends, we have none around here but there are some on FB/delete. Also the part about him showing up at the door and that it is all a fantacy. My ex is in jail and sends letters about his love for me still. I am supposed to get the stay away order soon. He has so many cases that the judge said he wanted to review the thing before he does this and said it makes no difference yet cuz he was sentenced to 6 months already and maybe more the next court date. I will read this everyday because I know he will be back. Even if he finds someone else he will be back just to try and suck me in again so he can dump me, cuz I am the one who dumped him and he is very vengeful. By reading all of these posts I am starting to see how the game is played from their perspective, I just did not get it before. The reason he never dumped me was because I kept kicking him out and that made me attractive. He used to complain that I never called and begged him to come back so this is why he kept coming back, I could not figure that out. He had 4 assault and battery's on me in 8 months and kept coming back. I asked many people why would someone keep coming back to torture you when you don't want them and course I was too green to this thing at the time to do the no contact so I would talk with him and you know how that goes. I have to say now that he was coming back cuz I did not want him. He kept telling everyone he had nowhere else to go, but that was not true, he is tall, young, and handsome, not likely the reason. Apparently his others were more clingy so he cut them loose and the only time he gets stalkish is when you don't want him. He would say, I will leave when I am ready, not when you tell me to and he used to brag about how restraining orders don't stop him, I had 5 in a 5 month period. The judge refuse to extend them so I had to keep going back. He retired, this new judge already said he is going to make it long. This site is most likely saving me life because it is giving me the tools I need to survive and get back on track as well as to learn how to avoid him completely. NO CONTACT means no contact. Thank you so much for sharing.

#6 Jun 22 - 9PM (Reply to #7)

Introspection

Hi Goldie,

Thank you and I'm sorry to say that my post was based on personal experience.

#7 Jun 21 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

drivencrazyinflorida

Thanks for the good info

I went NC shortly after finding this site a few weeks ago and it has saved me much suffering. It helps me to keep my sanity if I don't have to deal with him at all right now. It's really hard to accept how totally fooled I was for so many years. I lost and entire decade to this despicable man. You can't get the time back but I hope it makes me better able to see it coming next time and serve others. God's blessings to you.

#8 Jun 19 - 5PM

Happy1

I'm sorry to hear

I feel for you and all the changes you went through to please this N. I've done the same thing so I understand. I've gone to great lengths to please him and he is never happy. Ever! He acts like he hates me and I'm the enemy. He doesn't take pictures of us or my son and only his son when we are out on the boat having fun. He's with his son for the weekend now and I'm trying so hard to be good today but I've been bad texting him. I hope you stay strong and now that you know what he is maybe it will be easier for you. I can relate on why your N's ex wife committed suicide. I have been at a very low place myself and they drive us and take our souls it seems. Keep posting and welcome. 8-)

#9 Jun 19 - 5PM (Reply to #2)

drivencrazyinflorida

It feels so good to be understood and accepted

I don't think that people who haven't been through this can ever understand what it is like for us "victims." Thank you for caring, sad1. Your username tells me much about what you been through. Peace and hugs.

#10 Jun 20 - 6AM (Reply to #3)

NancyM

drivencrazyinflorida

Welcome to the board, please feel free to express anything you want to (after reading the posting rules)as there are many people here who will validate what you have been through. There are many people at different levels of healing and getting away from their situations but they all are willing to share their stories with you, and listen to yours. Read as much as you can from past posts because there are many links to information and resources as well. So sorry for what you have been through, we are all here for each other and for you. What you have said is exactly right, no one can know what it's like unless they have been through it. HUGS

Nevergoback

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