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pegasas269's story

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#1 Jun 11 - 4PM
pegasas269
pegasas269's picture

pegasas269's story

I have actually considered taking back the narc who recently tried to kill me and got away with it.

the reason? the new boyfriend, whom i've known as a friend for years, has turned out to be worse in many ways. it's not something you can really put your finger on. problem is that he makes alot more money and is very used to women who have no income and he can just walk on them. it seems that every time i try to contribute to things he punishes me for it in weird little ways. it's so sneaky and underhanded that nobody could really see what he's doing. as bad as the other one was, he wasn't this perpetually cruel. i could sleep at night with the other one most of the time and not worry about him hurting me then.

i have severe pain all the time and now that this one has learned how to hurt me without anyone knowing... he does it all night long. i can't sleep till he goes to work. which many times he doesn't do till very late because he can get away with it and he knows it means i will be in tremendous pain the whole next day and have no real sleep. i can't say anything about it to anyone. i'm so stuck and lost and i actually keep wanting to call my ex and tell him and let him rescue me. i know my ex would LOVE that. he wants to be that guy so bad. he would jump at the chance to show all how he "saved" me. i'm just stuck and broken and don't know what to do. i have nobody i can talk to. i look like an idiot for all of this. so i'm keeping my mouth shut and looking for a way out. this was the only place i could let it out so...

Jun 12 - 7PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

welcome pegasus269

- PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. PLEASE do this BEFORE asking questions. - PLEASE read the stories of others. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do. Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. - PLEASE read through the WHOLE blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - full of articles about Ns and healing. It will answer many questions before you ask them. PLEASE read the Rules prior to posting. Thanks - listen to Lisa's radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going if you feel the need for whatever level of PTSD he's given you ASAP! remember: YOU did nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong. If you need to contact Lisa, she is at [email protected] ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 11 - 9PM
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Hello sweetheart!

And being by yourself is not an option? It appears that they are both bad for you...
Jun 12 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
pegasas269
pegasas269's picture

oops

well i have actually been on here quite a bit before but i am still learning my way around. i actually hadn't meant for this to go into this section. i was just having a bad moment and needed to vent where people get it. my story would take forever to write and i'm not usually very good at letting out my own stuff. mostly i read everyone elses and try to be helpful if i can. i have ptsd from way back. i forgot what they call mine but it basically means it's chronic and from numerous occassions throughout my life. the N's use it against me severly. i have had the misfortune of being with many of them and didn't know about the disorder till maybe 6 or 7 months ago. reading about it i've realized most of my ex's fit it perfectly. i know, no wonder i have been so severly abused. not all of the abusers were N's though. just the ones that completely got away with it. i just want to be able to survive on my own now. it's nearly immpossible because now i am disabled, but i would so much rather be alone than deal with anymore of these non-humans. i'm in too much pain to fight anymore. i so appreciate this board and will be here and figure it out whenever i can. unfortunately i must be very careful because i never know when this N will be around. i will get out of here though. thanks for your support. :)