When they talk about attraction, and who we need...

I feel the same way. Cut off now completely for four days, and knowing it's really over, I have totally sunk into depression, exhaustion, despair of loving or trusting anyone again. Along with it remains the old fantasy of him--something about him--that makes the idea of ME loving anyone else something I won't even try. The feeling that I will always compare every man to that false man I thought was there, and never trusting that I will be enough for anyone ELSE either. Have I BECOME him?

i had been married once before....had several long term relationships....several short term relationships...and several on and off relationships under my belt when i stepped into that pile of psychopathic shit..... now i have no interest in another relationship...no real interest in anything.....i feel like a hollow shell.... i will never be same....i wasn't even depressed from living with the monster for many years....i got up at five every morning.....and worked all day....took care of my pets...cooked...did all the work around the house, inside and out...had art projects i worked on...even in CAPTIVITY...but after he murdered BEN...it was all over.... i knew it then...and i know it now....there is no therapy...no medication...no amount of time..nothing that will ever ease that horror....i know that i will never be happy again.......it's not a pretty thought...but it's a true one....... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog

I am that child. My mom is an alcoholic and my dad is a Narc. The strange thing about there relationship is that he is constantly trying to keep her happy.(I guess to keep her pathetic supply) I have been through many phases in my life.. entering my 30's im JUST NOW starting to realize that I deserve so much better. I have been in and out of therapy for the last 5 years. Always finishing the sessions required and then trying to move on. I think growing up this way teaches you to be comfortable and think these types of people are "normal" well the normal your use too. I have NEVER had a man that I didnt have to "help". They always had issues and required so much of me emotionally. As of right now I am very skeptical about "successful love relationships" I dont believe in them. I cant even imagine being in one. Im learning to think better of myself, but I cant picture anyone wanting to be with "just me" forever. I believe this generation of men are incapable of being faithful. I have very little faith in people/society. I find myself becoming cold and detached. I dont think you can love anyone until you can truly love yourself. Very cliche, but I believe that as of right now.

I'm not sure. I was never around anyone who was a Narc before this one. I was with my first ex for almost 17 years. That relationship ended because of lack of communication between us and an immaturity about how to handle things (we were high school sweethearts and looking back don't think we 'grew' emotionally). But with that relationship I knew he loved me and would do anything for me and for 'us'. The one good positive about being with my N is I learned things about myself I never would have done/think otherwise, (many of them positive things!) just to survive.

my creepy brother is a Narc....but i can say with great certainty that i was never in a romantic relationship with a Narc until i met the psychonarc....i knew some Narcs, i can see that in hindsight...but not in any way that influenced my life....until now...... and now...it seems i am continually SWARMED by them.....now they are drawn to me like killer bees.. i don't get it....and i don't like it.... the creepiest of all are a couple who stalk me on my blog...i got an email from one of them the other day....telling me that she believes i have put a HEX on her...and telling me how much i NEED her....... uggggggghhhhh....... makes me want to go live in a cave..... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog

I don't know about the comfort zone nonsense but unless, if you're the child of a Pathological - you get into intensive therapy for AT LEAST ONE YEAR and work on the issues of "accepting the unacceptable" that you parent brought you up with (including being a 'people pleaser' and worrying what others think of you) you will be NarcBait. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller