This is bumped up from end of thread:
Let's do this thing! Let's "Tawk"! I just learned today about a documentary on Psychopaths from a Australian film maker who followed N guru and self-admitted psycho/N himself SAM VAKNIN around - I will send you the link via email. I think our niche would be discussing not the damage they do in society (as his docu does apparently) but the havoc they wreak in relationships. The stuff we talk about on this forum. (We should be in contact with him though probably). People just don't know about it! and NArcNarc is one we interview - hers is a classic case! We have so mcuh to talk about!

Yes you should be in therapy -as Barbara talks about - if you have had an up close brush with these types it leaves you with PTSD and just emotionally and cognitively messed up, confused, damaged. It's NOT that there is anything inherently wrong with you that you have a hard time "getting over it" - it is typical no matter what your background. You need to find a therapist who UNDERSTANDS N's and their MO and the wake of the damage. B can send you referral links. I also know some good therapists in LA. I actually practiced down there - I have a degree in psychology - so know the lay of the land there.

Cognitive dissonance is what happens to you when you are trying to hold two contradictory states or sets of information in your head at once. You cant hold them both at once - they are dissonant. Like when you know smoking kills but you smoke. You either need to quit smoking OR you decide smoking is not that bad or won't hurt YOU. It's like that with N's -we are so brainwashed and conditioned by them to have these strong attachments to them (we think they are our soulmates)- yet they do things that send up red flags and tell us they are bad for us (like yours chasing bimbos). If we stay we decide they'e not so bad and WE are the problem - we are not loving enough, we complain too much, we are not sexy enough etc. etc. They then reinforce those things. Even when we leave we have these feelings we've been conditioned to by them- the longing, the fantasy of the perfect soulmate connection etc and they remain despite the fact we have this whole other body of growing information that they are Assholes and don't care about us at all, in fact enjoy hurting us. And the conditioning is so strong with them our bodies change chemically and we have whole set of bonding hormones enhanced by stress etc (WAY MORE of this happens than in non-pathological relationships). It's at tough predicament and we often fall back into the fantasy and the "oh its not so bad, or its just me" thing to makes sense of our overwhelming attachment feelings so when they come back knocking on our door we "try again". It's not like a regular break-up in other words! Barbara will direct you to posts on cognitive dissonance - look through the blog on the left side.

Will email you later!

Taking the analogy of the AA meeting further: would taking that drink if you were an alcoholic be wrong? Here is the thing, nothing you say to the N is going to give you any sort of closure or respect/truly seen the error of his ways/or understand how much he has taken from you. He lacks any sort of empathy and would actually not understand!
He'll never understand even if ou spell it out for him why you need to be away from him. If he was that kind of a human being, you would not feel the need to resort to NC in the first place.
These sort of feelings, to clarify, to shout out, especially only two weeks in is completely normal...so vent here and see a therapist if you can.
Throwing him even one crumb of communication/attention will tell him that on some level even though you say you dont want to talk to him, you want to. And he will not repsect NC (actually he might not anyway)in the future.

Any sort of communication will cost you, even just telling an N off~ and lord knows he deserves it, and I learned that the hard way. Resist :)

I felt bad for a long time ignoring his txts and calls.I blocked his emails as that was too tempting. But please believe that it'll bring you so much grief if u reply and break NC. The feeling of anger and resentment after u go NC is worse than the feeling u have from ignoring him. Each time I broke NC last year, I regretted it and felt worse.They are a bad habit to break, and going NC for months will enable you to see things more clearly. It has brought me more peace each day.

Ac Girl
you could respond to what happens but he knows. and then you know what there would be another email. and then comes the BS and then you get suckered in because just like a Alcoholic we think whats one drink!!
"i feel like its wrong to ignore someone" thats because you have feelings. but it is not wrong to ignore someone who lied and cheated on you.
i have been down that road. at times when i wouldnt respond he literally would send me emails saying his mom is in the hospital. i mean what kind of a person would i be if i didnt return that call...that is what i told myself. today...i wouldnt respond and think where were you when i was in the hospital. its a one way street of using you because you will stroke his ego