luvclay1's Story

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#1 May 14 - 12PM
luvclay1
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luvclay1's Story

I met my exboyfriend at work he was the General Manger. We did not associate at all. It was the end of the fiscal year and I was to receive and award at a convention. I was annoyed to be going but, The General Manger himself went out of his way to invite me. Making it clear I need to attend it was mandatory. Angrly i attended. As the night progressed and we were celebrating as a group. He started to dance with me. Next thing I know he kissed me. I was shocked by his forwardness but more shocked on how I felt so flustered! I am a strong independant women, who also is known to be a no nonsense person. I was just out of my last relationship with a very nice man but I was bored. I am also twice divorced, I have never looked back and never contact any of my exs even in a weak moment.
I knew he was married but had heard he is getting divorced,
As we talked I specifically asked if he is with his wife, I dont date married men! or if he was with another women or partner. Which he insisted "The ink is almost dry on the papers" and no he is not in any relationship. The evening ended after that. I left the next morning to come back to the city. I was baffeled by these strong feeling I was having for this total handsome stranger who I felt like I knew all along. Long story short we ended up having a whirlwind romance. He flew me all over with him, he wined and dinned me in the best NYC resturants and we took long wonderful vacations together spending endless time getting to know all about each other. He called me his goddess and I was the womene he has waited for his whole lifetime. He was in a loveless marriage and was happy to have gotten the courage to move on after 30yrs. and 3 children who are now grown and on there own. Needless to say his wife was not going a way without a fight, she tried every trick in the book but mostly used intense guilt and the children to get him back. He in turn left me 8 times in 2 yrs to go back to his wife. The last time I would not hear it and told him to get lost, I was shattered and broken and so in love I did not believe I would live with my broken heart. He came back and begged me to leave my apartment and go with him. I left my security and my town where I lived. I thought well if we live together it would be more final he would be coming home to me every night and he would not be lonely, he also had many other things wrong like diabetic and high blood pressure etc... which he would aways use to his advantage to get me back complaining how sick he was or he needs a ride to the hosptail and a miracle would suddenly happen and he would be healed! We moved in together in September and my birthday was in October. He planned a small little trip for us to a quaint town and we stayed in and old mansion. Very Romantic, when we went to dinner he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was shocked and did not answer right away. I said that would be nice but 2 years since we met you are still not divorced and keep saying the ink is almost dry! I laughed and said that it's the wetest ink in the world and the hardest to dry since it was 2 years!I told him I will keep the ring as a promise of marriage up the road, something to look forward to. Since he was truly the man of my dreams and never believed I could love someone this much and never get tired of him even though he was such high maintainance. I drove to work 2 hrs and back every day I cleaned a very large home everyday and kept him in order feeding him ironing his cloths and maintaining his social calendar he did not even know how to turn a microwave on! so he needed me badly! in November he flew to Palm beach to spend Thanksgivng with his Mom and DaD,. I was invited but need to spend the holiday with my children. He begged me to come on the friday after, i should of went but we were flying to Aruba on December 12 so I thought it best I stay at work till we leave for Aruba. On the Friday after thanksgiving I went out and decorated the home for the holidays for him, he loved christmas and I could care less but it made him so happy and he was such a depressive person I though this will sift his spirits when he gets home. This was a friday. That evening he calls me and said he is driving to another town for a business meeting and he loves me and misses me like crazy. He always calls prior to going to bed but for some reason he did not call that evening,I was sick in my stomach for whatever reason and very nervous, I did not sleep all night I started to think maybe he was in and accident! The next morning he called and was so depressed saying he did not want to talk about it because he was out getting drunk he just lost a hughe business deal. I picked him and his mom up from the airport and we proceeded to take her home and when we returned to our house we fell into bed for several hours just missing each other fiercly. All was forgotten, the next day we were leaving for Aruba and I was so exicited to be together for a time we both needed, he then told me "I dont think we should go I dont feel well" I told him no way we are going and he will feel better later. He was sulking on the plane until we got to aruba then he found his ocen legs and strated to be happy again, it was just what the Dr. orderd a week on the beach, nothing to do but make love, eat and shop which we did. We went into a jeweler and he wanted me to pick something special out to remember the trip. I could not make my mind up between a beautiful ring or a beautiful large topaz necklace in 18k and diamonds. He said he would surprise and choose. I left the store and he came out 10 min later with both. I thought it was odd, not that he wasn't generous but this was over the top even for him! We had a wonderful trip and it ended shortly.We returned home not just to a busy life of work we were also moving to a new house. I was tanned and in love with this wonderful man, nothing would bother me at all. Life was good. Prior to the move he had called and asked me to e-mail him something from his aol account which i did regulary for him. I went to the office sat down and proceeded to access his account as I went to his e-mail there in front of me was him telling this women what a wonderful time he had is florida and he cant wait to do it again. I was shaking inside I thought i was reading the wrong account but started to look back all the way to the planning of this little trip, it made sense now why he did not want to go to Aruba why he looked so sad and broken he was sleeping around on me! I was blowned away we never fought we were each others best friends and I waited on him hand and foot! how could this be. I did confront him he of course told me i was crazy and someone is setting him up someone is so jealous of him that they want me to leave who knows maybe its his ex wife he said!I called the women and she told me everthing including him lying and saying the ink is dry on his divorce papers,and she is his goddess and of course never mentioned me and being engaged etc. I felt punched in the head now it moved up from my stomach into my head! We fought like cat and dog I wanted to kill him but could still not leave. We lived together for another 5 years. Last year he took another women away on vacation that I found out about. So I cancelled there flights, just to make it hard, and when he left anyway I emptied the whole house did not even leave a light fixture and put everything in storage and moved in with my sister, which is where I am today. He was shocked, upon his return I guess he figured he could keep doing this and I would stay. This is the short version of my story there is hour and hours of decite, crulety, even beatings from him for not leaving things the way he wants them, he always said why dont you mind your own business and I would say I am I am minding my heart!! I lost my diginty, my honor, my womenlyness and most important my heart! The amazing thing is this man still tries to get me back and I know I need help but each time I stay away longer and longer and through this site and many others I have learned so much about his mental illness and mine and what I need to do to get stronger and better. My prays are with all of you and all I want today is a peaceful end to this horrific journey. thank you for letting me vent. P.S it has been 7 years and the ink is still not dry!!!

May 15 - 6PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Good For You!

You emptied the house! That'll teach him. And, your're not married . . . so what can he do? He'll be back. Be careful.
May 15 - 12AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Welcome luvclay1

Welcome... - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. PLEASE do this BEFORE asking questions. - PLEASE read the stories of others. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do. Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. - PLEASE read through our WHOLE blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing PLEASE read the Rules prior to posting. Thanks - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going if you feel the need for whatever level of PTSD he's left you with!! BLOCK HIS EMAILS, IMs and TEXTS change your phone & cell numbers Maintain NO CONTACT! remember: YOU did nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 19 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
luvclay1
luvclay1's picture

I have no regrets! I do not

I have no regrets! I do not feel like I did anything wrong at all! I was made a fool of for way to long. I wanted to believe that I had found the man of my dreams, but he turned out to be my living nightmare. I am safe today. I do go to therapy and have for many years. It really doesnt matter what age you are you can be made a fool of. There is no amount of begging or pleading that could get me to go back ever again. I wont say its not hard because there is alway self doubt. I am strong and I will go on just fine. I am not a victim (i dont believe in that word) As for a being a surviver, I dont know about that word either. What I do know is I made a huge mistake in my life even at the ripe old age of 45 now 51. I will be wiser and stronger and I will see the signs and run the next time. Thank you for the time.
May 19 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Good for you

GOod for you LuvClay. We are the same age! However, I do want to disagree with you on one thing...... I do believe in the word victim. Many of the stories on here verify it. I'm happy for your optimism and strengths..very happy for you. But I would not want to deny the facts relating to others' horrors. There are many "victims" here. I respect them greatly. What else do you call someone that has been at the mercy of an abuser?
May 19 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

victim

we need to reclaim the word 'victim' it is NOT a dirty word I am a victim ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller