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Mixed Messages
Kelly
Member since:
2 years 17 weeks
2 years 17 weeks
Last activity:
1 year 17 weeks
1 year 17 weeks
Mixed Messages
Posted April 26, 2010 - 7:23pm
I was thinking about how insecure/secure he made me feel when we were starting out. He would say the most amazing things, leading me on, idealization phase stuff. At the same time though, he left me feeling so insecure about making future plans. Saying things like "if we last . . ."
WTF? He's got me in bed with him, only because he led me to believe I was his everything and that he was serious about me and I can't plan for future events because "we may not last?" Later on, he assures me he's not going anywhere and makes me promise him I wasn't either. Then Poof! A nasty berating phone call and he's gone!
He got me hooked and then put me on a teeter totter, then D&D'd me and off to the next idealization.
I was insecure before he came into my life. I'm such a mess now. I can't wait to see cognitive behavioral therapy work. Somethings gotta work. I've lost my faith. I'm terrified of men.
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
oh yeah......verrrrry familiar with this.....
April 27, 2010 - 8:29am — narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)the psycho couldn't wait to marry me...because i was the love of his life, don't you know....
but then on our wedding night, he started telling me what a mistake he'd made...how he had married 'beneath himself, again'...he was putting me in my place...right out of the chute...
and that went on throughout my whole long seventeen year ordeal....he continually told me he'd made a huge mistake and wanted rid of me...yet i couldn't seem to blast him off me with dynamite....
during my entire miserable incarceration in his psycho prison camp...he continually pulled the loved me loved me not bullshit....it's a very powerful weapon...it was a powerful weapon even after i no longer cared whether he loved me or not, because i despised him....somehow it would still sting....and somehow it still does....
That mixed messages thing
April 27, 2010 - 4:23am — ScoopThat mixed messages thing wow it can make your head spin , HE LOVES ME HE LOVES ME NOT HE LOVES ME ...arrrrggggggg.
I thought long and hard weather my narc did this on purpose but i keep thinking if he had that would make him an evil genius , and quite frankly he isnt that cleaver and he is lazy so i had to go down another route to try and understand this compleat contradiction and it came in the form of "now we are six " this hit home to me and was key to my understanding .
my narc was a grown man but inside emotionaly he was a six year old . I have a friend who has a six year old girl who is a beautiful mix of contadictions . She will snuggle up to you and ask for a cookie and if you say no its nearly tea time she will shout at you that she hates you . five minutes later she in the pool asking me to watch her do a trick or something . she fights with her brother and crys her eyes out that she got hurt and then five minutes later she is laughting and playing with him on the trampoline (proberly ganging up on me as i have told them both they cant have cookies before tea lol)and then she snuggles up to me again to watch tv telling me about a funny dog she saw that day .... and the cycle goes like that ...see because she is six we let her off her little six year old ways and its kind of funny . Its only because our narc is 36 or 56 that we cant find it funny .
Scoop x
Snoop
April 27, 2010 - 7:06am — loveofmylifeGreat analogy - love it!
Yes, if you do something that isn't exactly the way they wanted you to do it - they stamp around like they are having a temper tantrum. Like when my N wanted me to fire someone that worked for me that I thought just needed hand holding. He got so angry with me because I wasn't mindlessly doing what he wanted me to do that I knew in my heart that that was going to ultimately be the end of our relationship.
And guess what, he has even stuck out his tongue at me when I didn't do what he wanted me to do..... just like a 6 year old!
So funny, and true! Little temper tantrums in the candy store!
The last N was the exact
April 26, 2010 - 10:07pm — JanetThe last N was the exact same - made me feel soooo special then wham! we were breaking up. I kept saying it felt pretty Jr. High. Since I have started reading about narcissism the past 2 months do I realized my husband, whom I had been with from 23 - 37 (I am now 48) until he had a psychotic break had a lot of somatic narcisstic tendencies. He committed suicide 4 years ago, and I must say he was not a full blown narcissist, the man was kind and gentle (no sex!, but he was not full blown) and DID have empathy. BUT, this last one (hmmmm 2 in a row..)somatic freak - AND MEAN! Full blown Narc! Each day I am re-opening the new happy channels in my life. At work people have been commenting on how happy and glowing I look. It is still such a struggle, but the light is there without that constant back and forth.
Peace. J
seduced & brainwashed
April 26, 2010 - 7:25pm — Barbara (not verified)http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/01/21/art-seduction
~~~~~~~~~
Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Powerful article on seduction
April 26, 2010 - 9:26pm — GIJIt sums up my experience, point by point with stunning accuracy. Chilling to say the least. I'll never be the same...and that is a good thing.
Hang in there narcmagnet. You will get through this if you are willing to do what ever it takes....and it sounds like you are. good luck with your therapy.