Breaking NC

Breaking NC
Posted April 22, 2010 - 4:11pm
0

The (pscho)logist that I see told me to pick up the phone and talk to the n. I'm in my 14th month of NC. She told me that I won't get better because I'm not confronting him.

Also, even though she doesn't even know the name or content of this site she told me stay off because I was dwelling and I should do something better with my time.

She does not believe in brainwashing or Stockholm Syndrome and stated that they were cult things and that didn't happen to me.

I feel attacked. If it wasn't for this site I know I would be drooling in a corner somewhere.

I thought information was power? This site gave me the ability to see what kind of relationship I was in and after that I got out within a few months because of the strength and knowledge I gained here.

Too her its all wrong. I don't want to ever see her again but since I don't have coverage and am going through vocational rehab, haven't worked since October 2008, I don't have a choice. Have called every other program I could find but no one else can help.

Have to see her Monday and am totally freaking. She has done more damage than good. The therepist I also see in the same office is worse. Always being told I'm wrong, etc. On a constant fight or flight regiman.

This is the same (psycho)logist that deemed me "most severely disabled" with PTSD.

Help !!!!!!

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nhtmf's picture

thanks

April 24, 2010 - 11:26am — nhtmf

thanks to all of you for validating what I have been feeling. With this PTSD I have a tendency to question myself constantly.

Called vocational rehab to talk to my worker about a new therapist and psycologist and she never got back to me. Have to be in the psychologist office at 10 AM this Monday for more biofeedback, which so far is doing nothing for me. Looking at lines on a computer with heart rate and brain waves and the temp of my freakin' finger!! So far my finger has been in the low 70 degree range. Shouldn't I be 98.6 ? Maybe that's a red flag in itself.......

I have to go because I can't mess up the other aspects of vocational rehab until I get an OK from my worker. This week though I'm definately gonna screw with her head. During the biofeedback, I'm supposed to have a calm mind but I'll be reciting the ABC's and singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall in my mind. That should mess with her damn computer model. Just tired of bending over and accepting bad situiations. Stick a fork in me. I'm done.

Monica's picture

I ditched my first therapist...

April 23, 2010 - 8:03pm — Monica

...because he was of the opinion "just get over him!" Spent months getting nowhere. So I ditched him and found another therapist. I did my research and made sure that I went to a therapist that was experienced in treating PTSD. However, I had made the conscious decision to simply tell my story...without labels (pathological liar, narcissist), without letting on that I suspected what he was...just tell my story and see what this new therapist had to say. In the first session....she labeled him a psychopath (even I had not taken that step), told me I had PTSD and told me that I was NOT TO BLAME for what happened to me and that I needed to forgive myself (because I had not and believed I never would). I have made more progress with her in less time than with the last therapist over much more time.

Please don't let her do more damage to you. My first did me no good and I now realize that he actually contributed to my "relationship" with xN/P being drawn out even longer. I wish you well and I will be sending you good thoughts. I really hope you find a therapist who gets it and will help you to the other side of this.

Amazed's picture

NHTMF DITCH THAT THERAPIST!!

April 23, 2010 - 12:35am — Amazed

I hope Barbara reads your comment, there is no way you need to confront the N personality on anything,,it is always a losing battle,,no matter how you toss it will come up heads in their favor..we would all love to put our N through confrontation,,,it is NOT worth it and not conducive to healing,,which this site it,,,

The brainwashing,,other people do not understand the experience until they have had the misfortune of having encountered a psychopathic N personality,,,let alone been intimate with one (God have mercy on us).,....

There is something very evil and CONTROLLING about them that MOST PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

If you have been there,, you know what I am talking about...it is evil,,it is evil,,do not go through the paces with that therapist,,find someone who specializes,,in PTSD perhaps Barbara knows of someone good.

woundedsoul36's picture

omg...You need a therapist

April 22, 2010 - 5:36pm — woundedsoul36

omg...You need a therapist that specializes in PTSD...
alot of therapists have no experience with N's..because N's dont seek treatment-why would one seek treatment when their perfect? A therapist that treats PTSD most likely treats victims with PTSD..
you have to get another, even if you have to go get on medicaid..
please look into finding another

better off's picture

Hugs... she doesn't want

April 22, 2010 - 5:36pm — better off

Hugs... she doesn't want you to dwell on him but she wants you to call him and confront him? And get more abuse? How does that make any sense?

Please check out the website called www.healmyptsd.com I think it would be very helpful. and free! :)

You read a section each day and do some exercises... it's really helped me.

better off's picture

This page is the one to

April 22, 2010 - 5:38pm — better off

This page is the one to start the healing workshop

http://healmyptsd.com/healing/bridge-the-gap-healing-workshop

quietude's picture

nhtmf

April 22, 2010 - 5:13pm — quietude (not verified)

Ugh, so sorry this happened to you...I'm reinforcing likely what you already know. She has no clue. Good for you to see this as WRONG. I hope you're able to find someone else eventually...in the meantime, I personally wouldn't expose myself to that for one minute longer.
Idiots.

nhtmf's picture

quietude

April 22, 2010 - 5:24pm — nhtmf

Thanks and yeah already cancelled my appointment with the counselor today. Feel attacked. They are not even gentle about their observations and opinions, they just come out and say I'm all wrong about what I went through and I'm going about my healing all wrong too. Pretty nasty to me actually. This sucks, I feel re-victimized................

Kelly's picture

That's bad therapy

April 23, 2010 - 7:43pm — Kelly

I'm just starting to learn about counseling and the most rudimentary thing you are taught is how to empathize and how to validate feelings. No one can tell you what you're feeling is wrong and WTF? Talk to the N???? Is she psycho??? She obviously doesn't get narcissists. Maybe she is one herself?

I will say though, I happen to think at this point, I am probably dwelling on this site. I'm going to start disciplining myself away. It was what I needed immediately after the trauma, to validate my feelings and suspicions about the narc's in my life and last weekend I was glad to read posts and post while I was at home with my narc parents, but too much of anything ain't good. . .

neveragain5's picture

All wrong about what you

April 23, 2010 - 10:26am — neveragain5

All wrong about what you went through?!! How can someone else make that determination? I am sorry that you aren't finding the professional support that you need. It seems that there needs to be more resources to help people that have been through this.

azucar's picture

confusing

April 22, 2010 - 5:02pm — azucar

nhtmf, is it possible she has not had much experience with people who have been in relationships with n's? Do you feel that you feel validatied when you come to this site? I know I do. I have been doing as much as I can to get through this, including seeing a therapist, but coming here has helped me see that I am not alone and I now understand and recognize the patterns of abuse more clearly. Barbara and others have repeatedly said its not a replacement for therapy, this is for support! What would you gain from breaking NC...is there soemthing you really need to say to him?
I will say this. The last day my x came to my place to drop off my key and other stuff, (I wasn't there) I left a 9 page letter for him. Now, we had literally broken up only a few days before and he basically ambushed me when we broke up, I was in shock and really was not capable of defending myself/having any say. Not to beg for him to not break up with me, but just to let him know, that I knew he was in the wrong for treating me as if I didn't matter and emotionally manipualting me.
So I left him the letter, stating that he had not acted like an adult in the relationship, faults in his logic not just in his dealings with me but with others in his life, pointed out many of his N characteristics (even though I didnt realize thats what they were at the time) and how he had been cruel and emotionally manipulative. And how truamtic it is to break up with someone in 20 minutes after telling them you love them every day for 18 months. The tone was almost clinical, but I very clearly let him know, I knew I was going to be ok, but he was doomed to repeat the cycle with each new girl. I ended the letter with "Good-bye" and let him know that the letter was a result of him ambushing me and not giving me my say, but that I still never wanted to talk to him again.
I felt better. But I don't know that that would be the best thing for you.

nhtmf's picture

azucar

April 22, 2010 - 5:20pm — nhtmf

She obviously has zero to no experience with what I'm going through. She is young, has a new masters degree and thinks she knows it all. I guess she was absent the day when n's were discussed...............and no, I have nothing at all to say to the Xn. I moved 1000 miles to get away from him !!! She is just very critical and everything I say is wrong and she lets me know it. I think she really doesn't know what to do with me because I'm not a lamb that she can milk the system with for $$$$ and that I ask informed and inteligent questions. I feel she has to make me wrong so she can be right.................totally do not want to go back there, she and therapist are so confrontational. Like an n.

I could care less if the XnBF croaks, it would save others from "mister nice guy". Just wish I could get real help.

azucar's picture

Good

April 22, 2010 - 5:22pm — azucar

Thats great, good to hear you know what you want. I personally would rather eat nails than ever pick up the phone to call him.
Perhaps you could get your therapist a copy of Lisa's book :)

nhtmf's picture

Unfortunately I can't afford

April 22, 2010 - 5:27pm — nhtmf

Unfortunately I can't afford the book for myself never mind her. I live on $55.00 a week and have been for a year and a half. Because of what that jerk did to me !!!!

Barbara's picture

nhtmf

April 23, 2010 - 7:09am — Barbara (not verified)

WTF!? New therapist IMMEDIATELY! Do not go back to that one. I think I told you all in one of my posts under my story what one therapist did to me regarding Narc #1. I am sorry I didn't up and leave immediately now.
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/22/barbaras-story#comment-13476

Use this link to see if you can find someone appropriate. Do NOT go back to this therapist... do NOT show up for another appointment. THEY ARE TOXIC!!
http://ptsd.factsforhealth.org/help/searchclinic1.asp

the beginning of every month The Institute for Relational Harm allows more people to sign up for their online support group... that may be an option...

have you called Catholic Charities in your area? Or you DV Crisis Center to see if they have a weekly group you could join?

Maintain NC... this therapist is a complete idiot... unfortunately some of them are!

~~~~~~~~~
Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals

Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller