angela0714's story

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#1 Mar 15 - 8PM
angela0714
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angela0714's story

My second marriage was to a man who I knew deep down had an unusual way of viewing the world. He worshipped me when we were dating. Told me how smart I was (smarter than all his previous wives and girlfriends), how beautiful I was, and that he believed we were soul mates. He proposed marriage early on, but since I was only divorced for a year, I hesitated. However 3 years later we married. On my wedding night I realized the mistake I made. He treated me like a whore with no love or dignity. It was like I was now a possession to him. I bought our house and created a home. From the moment we got married he believed that since his son was only with us 1/2 the week and my kids were there all week. that he only needed to pay 1/5th of the mortgage. He insisted on paying ll the bills. He got irate when I purchased a new car w/out his name on the lien. His credit was horrible. He was $60,000 plus in debt.

My life revolved around him. We all walked on eggshells. If myself or my children would enter a room he would insist on being greeted immediately. He took credit for everything. You name it...he was the expert. Funny, he was the one with no money, no friends, little family ties, and no life except the friends he choose who held no jobs or families. He needed friends he felt superior to. My family hated him. eventually, he tried to eliminate all my friends or social ties. I am happy to say he wasn't succressful. He hated women. EspeciALLY STRONG WOMEN. My friends who had money, nice cars, success etc he found fault with. He actually would say when I may have been talking about my day. "Can we talk about me now.? Or he'd say I interrupted him and say, "Yes, but we're talking about me now."

He lost his job, due to trying to be a hero in aone of the largest school districts in the country. He caused an uproar in the school that they chose clever ways to eliminate him. He lost his career, even with having a year to look for another job with full pay. That's how bad they wanted him out. He claims a higher up (a woman) had the hots for him and that was her reason for trying to get him fired. Yes he was a good looking man. He never let you forget it. He insisted on telling me about past lovers. Even though I asked him numerous times to stop. It upset me. He criticized the college I went to. When I challenged him, he'd act like HE NEEDED TO EDUCATE ME AND SAVE ME FROM MY OWN STUPIDITY. If I sat in a restaurant, I had to sit with my back to the door, since to do otherwise was disrespecful to him. I couldn't watch shows with laugh tracks because he found them "insulting" and would fly into a rage.

He belittled, criticized and cut me down each and every day. Till finally I began to believe him. I went from a confident, accomplished, strong and beautiful woman to a shell of a person. Constantly doubting myself and my abilities. I am still recovering today. He left me 5 days after learning I was diagnosed with Lupus. This after my supporting him the last 16 months of hias unemployment. My house now faces foreclosure. I have lost everything. It's been 6 1/2 months since he left. I am still reeling and in need of therapy which I am now getting.

lAST CONTACT WAS 3 WEEKS AGO. To stop any potential contact, I realized I needed to block his e-mails and my cell phone. I am certain he hasn't tried to call. He feels no remorse and says I caused the breakup of our marriage. I never accepted it. He claims one thing he can't tolerate is an ANGRY WOMAN. My friends laugh when they hear it. He still harbors anger at his 87 year old mother in an asisted living home. I am his 3rd wife and I'm sure not the last. He is needy, controlling, manipulative and lacks empathy all together.

Before we got married he said I should be honored he "was putting all his eggs in my basket." Wow, how lucky I was. I realized now I never mattered. He wasn't capable of love. I was simply his source of supply for a total of 6 years. When I could no longer support him, was given this diagnosis and I had figured out the con-artist he was....he left. I pray every night to God, that I will eventually heal. If you are involved with someone you even slightly suspect meets any of the criteria for NPD, run for your life. Please!!! You have no idea how they can wear away your soul and leave you broken.

Thank you for listening.

Mar 16 - 8AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Welcome angela0714

Get into therapy with a TRAUMA COUNSELOR IMMEDIATELY - We here all do know EXACTLY what soul-sucking, inhuman leeches these creatures. - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. - PLEASE read the stories of others on SHARE YOUR STORY. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do! Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. It will also help you see the pattern of their INCURABLE PATHOLOGY. - PLEASE read through our whole blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing Get a hold of a copy of Lisa's book (Link in the Right Column) Please, in the future, read ALL the Rules prior to posting on our Boards, as well. - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's left you with!! BLOCK HIS EMAILS, IMs and TEXTS change your phone & cell numbers if you have to don't ALLOW him to contact you again... DO NOT ALLOW IT! and do NOT contact him in any way... that includes looking at his Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn asking friends, etc. NO CONTACT!! Let him talk to your attorney!!! Get to a PTSD/ trauma counselor ASAP... Healing classically takes a MINIMUM of 18 months (with TOTAL NC) and you will need ongoing support & help from a professional. Please get it ASAP. My exNH abused me worse than ever after I was diagnosed with Atypical MS and Chronic Myofascial Pain on top of the hormone disorder I'd had since birth. I am sure that the years of abuse at the hands of my NMother, Nboyfriends & bosses, 2 Sociopath boyfriends and an N-exhusband contributed to my permanent disability. My doctors agree. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 16 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
angela0714
angela0714's picture

Thank You

This website makes me feel like I'm not alone. I have already done most of what you've suggested. I am glad to hear that the recovery takes a while. I was starting to think, I am taking too long to heal. But, after 6 years of his sick ways, I realize it will take some time to "undo" the damage created.
Mar 16 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

welcome angela

No, you are definitely NOT alone. Your story is so heartbreaking, and unfortunately TEXTBOOK. You're so right, anyone involved with someone like this needs to RUNNNN! You sound like I did after my ex left...hurt but relieved, already emotionally distanced to a large degree. I knew for sure I didn't want him back, but because he had me so brainwashed, I was still bumping into walls, feeling helpless and hopeless. Doing the things that Barbara listed is sooo important. This is not something easy to just 'get over'...it takes work and committment. I'm so sorry this happened to you...but at least you're understanding this was NOT your fault, despite all the BS he tried to fill your head with. This is a great group of people here, and WE GET IT! Take good care