If they don't know, then you're right, not much you can do other than to plan something else. I typically don't talk about what happened to me because people don't understand, and I got tired of feeling invalidated. One person close to me told me that coming to places like this site just keeps me surrounded by the negativity. I told her, you know if it weren't for places like this, I MIGHT BE BACK WITH HIM???...duuuh.. but you know how that goes. Nobody understands the severe damage and fallout.

The anger can be very cleansing, once you get there. For me, it felt much better than 'sad'. I still get angry, mostly at the state he's left me in regarding practical matters....you kind of make plans according to what they tell you, and when they disappear, you're left holding the bag, and the responsibility. They don't take that with them!

I think 'learn to love yourself' was his way of hitting your self-esteem, making you think YOU had some kind of issue. After all, they don't know what love is, they are like parrots repeating catch phrases...the ones they think will effect us.

You sound like you are very realistic about how healing works, it's refreshing to hear your point of view.
Best wishes!