lynnsie62

While this question has been asked many times, it’s also one of the first few questions asked. For me a good way of looking at NC (No Contact) is like building a castle but also being surrounded by a deep dangerous hard to cross body of water. One thing which we all share here is having been hurt used and/or psychological emotionally abused. This abuse needs to stop allowing the victim time to learn too heal and come to a full understanding about that dysfunctional relationship in their life. If we stay with the abuser they simply won’t allow us the time and opportunity to do so. You and I by getting better and learning what’s happening in this dysfunctional relationship is the last thing on their minds. Another thing we all share is that we “gave” them the opportunity too lie cheat and on us. You see without this “opportunity” they simply wouldn’t have been allow to do it. We trusted them and believed they loved us and cared for us. Something we learn later was the biggest lie told to us by them.

So...

NC stops these “opportunities” too allow them anymore control and power over us. We sit in our castle we are building (each day and night) with our own two hands. A deep mote stopping them from crossing unless of course we once again engage them (talk phone email etc..) thereby allowing them more “opportunities” from us to once again do whatever it is they want or believe they need from us..

One can’t hurt you if you don’t allow it. This is the center of your castle (inner-self) and the deep body of water surrounding your castle (No Communication) which ends opportunity for them thereby giving you the time to heal understand and learn exactly what you are dealing with and how to deal with it in the future. What is really interesting is how they too have NC (No Communication) us in the past by not talking nor sharing with us (but still receiving benefits from us like living with us and allowing us to support them in whatever way) and/or giving us the “silent treatment”..

So...

When we go NC they believe it’s a form of “punishment” that we are doing too them. Again this to isn’t true for NC is only for the victim and has very little to do with the abuser. But somehow they never seem to understand that.

Sooo once again whatever we do...
It’s (so they see it this way) really is “All About Them”...

Hope this helps lynnsie62 and good luck!

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/