Lisa E. Scott

No contact

No contact
Posted Thu, 03/11/2010 - 04:42

Does anyone have any advice for the stage you reach when you can see clearly that the whole relationship was fabricated. When the anger is so deep that you just feel like yelling and shouting and telling them what you think of them, that you know who they are and that you'd love to tell them to go F$#@ themselves. When you reach the stage that you will never go back, when you're dying for them to make contact of their own accord so you can laugh at them and say, not in a million years.

The therapist has explained that when you come out of the depression and apathy and really get angry over the abuse you've suffered, this is when you can turns things around for yourself. I'm there now but its killing me, I feel like punching pillows and slapping his face but you can't do that, you have to continue with no contact whatsoever and eventually this stage will pass.

Can anyone provide any help as to how to deal with this anger??? I want to stay on the path as Barbara said If I don't stick to no contact, you wont heal.

Help, I don't see the therapist for another week.

‹ Wow i have just experienced the hypnosis THE car ›

I wish

Thu, 03/11/2010 - 11:38 — moving on

my exN would contact me too. I would like nothing more than to ignore the crap out of it. I would feel so much better with him knowing that I don't care enough to even acknowledge him - pretty much how he did to me. But the part that is hardest is realizing that this event may never occur and that I have to move on anyway. You just have to know when to hold on and when to let go. I think this might be the secret to life and peace of mind. Easy to say, hard to do. the way I dealt with my anger was my telling his current GF of his ways. I wouldn't recommend it because it caused more grief than just dealing with the N because the GF was his proxy. either way, I don't really regret it because it's something I felt i had to do. Whatever you do to deal with it, make sure you are ready for the consequences. The best and most helpful way has to be investing time into yourself to be a better person. It sounds simple but I often have a hard time investing in myself as I've been trying to do it for the past 11 days of NC. Gotta do it!

KEEP NO CONTACT

Thu, 03/11/2010 - 08:16 — Barbara

anger is healthy - its part of your self-esteem returning...

put it to good use... clean your house, rearrange furniture, join a gym, take walks, new curtains... anything so you aren't reminded of him.

it's normal and even desirable.

taking your anger out on him - what would it accomplish? they are incapable of introspection so he won't "get it" or apologize and you'll look like a crazy person.

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

Hi Trytoheal

Thu, 03/11/2010 - 07:56 — serene69

I went through all that recently - and felt exactly the same way as you. I wanted him to contact me too (he was the one who dumped me) so I could tell him to bugger off (to put it politely). I felt so much anger that it just made me cry so much, feeling the frustration of everything, and knowing there was no way of getting closure or telling him what I really think about him.
I guess everyone gets through it in different ways. I could feel the anger was harming me because it was all going inwards. So I made an extra effort to sit down and think of all the things I wanted to do - on a work and personal level. I joined a new gym to get me back into training (I was normally such a fitness nut!) and there are different classes there, so I now do things like boxing - that is great for aggression!
So i didn't sit around letting the anger eat me up, I made sure that I contacted friends I hadn't seen for while and arranged to meet for lunch, coffee etc etc.
And I decided, well this little shit is not going to beat me. I used my anger to drive my ambition and make me even more determined to have a successful life. (therapy also did help)
I feel now the anger has subsided a great deal - I had it maybe for a couple of months - but my involvement was only six months.
I feel a lot calmer now and so busy doing stuff, I have less time to think about my ex N.

Stages of grief

Thu, 03/11/2010 - 09:33 — Nothanx

I can't figure out which stage I am in! At least you know that you are in the anger phase. I think that the anger is easy to recognize, but the other stages are a little fuzzy. I go from anger, back to depression, then back to anger, then denial, back to anger (i like this stage), then just extreme sadness! Right now I just feel hopeless, and feel like I will be alone/ without a significant other, forever. This just makes me feel deep sorrow. The only thing that has really helped is my daily walks and yoga (and the love and support from my children, family, and friends). I have never been an exerciser, but now I find that if I don't get moving I get anxious. I guess it is important to get through all the stages, but just when I think I am done with a certain stage I go back to another that I thought I had already gone through!

I feel your pain.it's so

Thu, 03/11/2010 - 12:30 — enoughalready

I feel your pain.it's so hard to feel used and devalued,when all we did was give all of our true love. it's the worse feeling ever. But I think, he can careless how I'm doing and therefore, I should delete him from my heart and move on. Give your love to those who appreciate and value you. He's not worth the pain and sorrow. I'm 8 days w/ NC-everyday it gets alittle better. Keep your head up and know one day you will be happy again.

nothanks

Thu, 03/11/2010 - 11:31 — moving on

Same with me. I feel I've conquered something and then I go back to it. The completion of today will be 11 days NC for me. I've experienced all emotions, especially anger. I've even acted upon it but realized NC was better. I also feel pessimistic in finding anyone that will want to be with me though I know I'm a great catch. It must be subconsciously all those thoughts of lacking are not resolved. Last week was great as I started working out again and this week I am still working out but I'm feeling like I'm getting into some sort of rut again. I don't even feel like working, just want to reflect. Unfortunately can't do that as work is pretty demanding. Might as well put everything I have into it!!