Just one month ago a sister 12.5 years my senior revealed information I had blocked. My situation with our mother I did recall as of age 13. Her daily use and abuse of me, the youngest by six years began when I was 8 years old. She was abusive yet not one person uses that word. When I was in 3rd grade our mother turned the heat up on me controlling I be the primary caretaker of her, two older sibs (6 and 8 years older), care for myself except for a paid job and writing checks. Mon. thru Fri. it was her abuse ritual to come home, go off on me finding failure, changing the rules, find fault and rage I did not perk her coffee just right. Her mantra stemmed from "For God's sake what the hell is wronsg with you..you can't even....! Aren't you lucky you have me for a mother...!
caretake the older sibs i.e. make their beds for them, pick up their clothing, clean the oven, do the dishes after school. It is significant in 3rd grade I acted as the adult asking for money, taking a folding shopping cart, and purchased the makings for Thangsgiving dinner and cooked all by myself. When the nightly abuse took place the older sibs stood behind our mother justifying her behavior and blaming me for her moods, rages 'all your fault". I was so good at cleaning those old gas ovens mother would loan me out to elderly ladies..like a pet trick monkey. She justified the inequity, exploitation of me giving the two sibs a 'pass" brainwashing me..they were important and had important stuff to do and she musst maintain the dynamics for I 'would only get into trouble"..so she's the best mother ever..it's for my own good..and all my fault. I am not overstsing nor exaggerating the degree of demands on me to do with one more exception..I did not run the washers and dryers in the laundry until later.
Some of us become targeted due to our capabilities and become more oompetent beyond our years to survive. Mother modeled to the sibs how to treat me and taught them they are entitled, superior. In sixth grade my brother a senior learned and he'd physically abuse me when he came home if I had not done "all" by the time he arrived..monkey see, monkey do.

In the present I am coping, processing why I needed or one needs blame that "if" you got it "right", or it is all your fault..if you did this, that, this way, no, that way, sooner, later, faster, the abuser would cease their abuse. It's got to me of an abuser, that nothing you did mattered i.e. the abuse still took place.. harder to accept the sickness to cling to false hope..lying words targeting some insane wrong via changing the rules/demands no one could meet in an impossible situation.

This is a huge transition for me: I am important, I do matter..I am only one person, I am only responsible for whwat I say, I do, I think, I am not only the flaw or not perfect coffee perked nor any other thing that can be used to batter me deleting everything else about me, nor am I the extreme opposite of what any pathalogical person claims all and only for self. I did not ever want to "be" like any of them nor treat a child, do what they did.

My therapist hit the nail on the head that no one did anything about this abuse and victimization of me due to isolation. It is true for mother was pretentious, lied and it was rare anyone saw her in action. When they did they did speak to me and confronted her.

It must really suck for those I don't take their 'stuff' shit, false blame, exclusive flaw finding, degradation to batter me down and I hold them accountable. It's perverted for the more competent, capable, loving, caring, good character, accountable...the abuse escalates to control the grandiosity gap. Growing up no one was to have or get any attention to their real self. I conscientiously and resourcefully worked hard to not be an abuser, to break the cycle. I work harder to not be a victim.

It gets easier to disengage, walk away from poisonous, malignant or toxic people.
I did not have "chores". I was do what a housewife does and