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Do they always do it?
43 weeks 5 days
5 weeks 1 day
I am wondering if you feel cheating/compulsive lying/living a double life is something they have always done, or does it occur right after a divorce, or somthing tragic?
Does something precipitate their behavior? Or is it just kind of ingrained?
About the Author
Lisa E. Scott is a native of the Chicagoland area. She works as a human resources professional. She has been published twice in academic journals related to her profession. "It's All About Him" is her first work of a personal nature. She hopes her book and this Message Board will reach out to others who have gone through or are going through similar issues in their lives.
"It's All About Him" by Lisa E. Scott
It's All About Him
Lisa E. Scott weaves information about destructive Narcissist males into stories from her personal life to help you see - "is he or isn't he a Narcissist"? A validating book on how to spot and avoid a Narcissist before you get hurt. With a forward by eminent Narcissism expert, Dr. Sam Vaknin
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When they become fathers
Thu, 03/11/2010 - 10:59 — Klarity BelleMine went awol after I had our first child - there wasn't enough worshipping of him going on any more and God forbid I needed his help in looking after an infant. It took me a while to cotton on that HE was the infant.
He still is the infant and both our children have overtaken him in maturity by miles already. His latest child came along 15 months ago, and no surprises he honored his current wife of 2 years and his new baby daughter by having an affair. Was I shocked - Hell no, this is what he does. What has hurt is witnessing my D's shock and emotional pain at finding out what he is capable of at a time in their lives when their biggest worry should be getting their homework projects completed on time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran
http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4
Well, Mine Even Does 'IT' When We Are 'Happy'
Wed, 03/10/2010 - 08:08 — The Girlfriend ......YES, most of them they will lie & cheat and conceal a 'double life' IMHO, and they will do this at any given time...it is not necessary at all to be having a tragedy or precipitating crisis, or a problem' in your relationship. Even when everything 'appears' great and you are 'happy'...a Narc/Pathological WILL cheat and lie.
And you can pretty much quarantee that they WILL cheat, lie and lead a double life after a divorce ALSO...as well as during the divorce, and let's not forget they were probably cheating and lying during the marriage too.
They do this because this is who they are. They do it because they can. They are born like this. They do it with ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME for ANY REASON...and for NO reason at all...
They do this because intimacy is difficult and scary for them.
Because they are basically insecure underneath all their arrogance.
They need excessive and constant validation and attention that no one woman...no matter how perfectly lovely and sexy, wonderful, pretty, sweet, self-confident or anything else wonderful you offer them. You could spend every waking moment catering to their every NEED and whim (and you practically WILL before the realtionship is over)...and it STILL would NOT be enough for a Narc/Pathological. Many of them love the high of 'cheating' and not getting caught...it reinforces their belief that they are 'special' and more 'sexy' than most people...and fulfills their sense of entitlement.
They will cheat, lie and conceal a secret double life whenever the opportunity arises...without guilt or remorse. They only are slightly concerned with getting 'caught'...NO they don't like that at all... :-) And go to amazing lengths to hide the truth about who they are and what they do. They will even RAGE, become abusive and even violent (some of them) when confrinted with ANY TRUTH about themselves.
It is ingrained. It is innate and a part of who they are to do this. They do it on sunny days, rainy days...and when there is a blizzard outside. They do it because they DO. This is what they ARE. Liars, cheaters and paycho's with NO character or restraint.
girlfriend - correction
Wed, 03/10/2010 - 08:16 — BarbaraGirlfriend
don't kid yourself.
they are NOT insecure... there's nothing there to be insecure about.
hollow men.
they could CARE LESS
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The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
They are NOT insecure
Thu, 03/11/2010 - 10:39 — The Girlfriend ...You are right Barbara...They truly DON'T CARE!
Sometimes I have mistaken my EX Psychopath BF's excessive need for validation and attention...as a cover for his insecurities...but when I got to know him..he really doesn't have a capacity for insecurity...It's true...if you look into the traits of a psychopath like Ted Bundy, or Peterson, or the ilke...none of them show any signs of insecurity at all.
...nor gratitude, appreciation...or real love for anything or anyone, or remorse, or real grief, or any real feeling or understanding for any emotion...they have no actual comprehension that they are not normal...in fact they think they are "SUPER" normal...and better than most other people... (OMG it is SO weird to even try to wrap my head around how they think)
...but that's another thread.
yes...something precipitates it.......
Wed, 03/10/2010 - 05:21 — narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)BIRTH.....and the 'cure' is at the other end of the spectrum......
My blog
I like this short answer better than mine!
Wed, 03/10/2010 - 07:59 — The Girlfriend ...HA HA! Narnarcwhosthere!
"BIRTH.....and the 'cure' is at the other end of the spectrum......"
...love this answer!
Ingrained
Wed, 03/10/2010 - 01:20 — KellyI truly believe after everything I've read so far . . . They stopped developing emotionally at 5 or 6. They are a lost cause from the get go, but you don't know it until you've already been seduced. The real charmers are good at hiding it until they gotcha. . .
LMAO
Tue, 03/09/2010 - 23:42 — racheITS what they have always done from the time they were aware.
ingrained
Tue, 03/09/2010 - 22:05 — Barbaraingrained.
NOTHING CAUSES IT - NOTHING. It's the way they are born.
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
It just goes to show no matter how hard your try
Wed, 03/10/2010 - 20:04 — AmazedNo matter how hard you try to please them, it is throwing pearls at swine. They are twisted, when simplicity, good is straightforward. I don't know if there is such a thing as Karma, but the time with the N really threw me a big curve ball...
Always
Wed, 03/10/2010 - 08:26 — dysenchantedMine has been doing it all of his life, and I'm confident will be lying to someone on his deathbed-IF there's anyone there for him when he passes.Kinda sad to think about, really.