Thank you for starting this

Thank you for starting this
Posted February 28, 2010 - 5:34am
0

How wonderful to have a parenting section here. Thanks for setting it up on the site.

I am Klarity Belle, I co-parent with an undiagnosed NPD. Our daughters are 11 and 12 and are currently living full time with me. D11 at present has chosen not to see or speak with her father and D12 calls him or texts him when she chooses to, she is seeing him and her step mum and baby sis around once a week but not for overnights at the moment.

My D11 has just been referred to a child psyche and I am hoping she will be able to process her hurt and shame her father has heaped on her as well as learn some coping strategies when dealing with him in the future. D12 will be involved with the therapy program at some stage too.

I am currently NC with their father because that way he cannot try to bully me which activates my Cptsd symptoms. I believe in setting firm boundaries with consequences with these pathalogical fathers (or mothers) is the only way forward as well as educating our children how to keep their own personal boundaries strong when abuse tactics are being used.

My ex is a nightmare to deal with, he is a very high functioning NPD and a suave charmer/manipulator. But it is the end of the line of him as far as hurting our children goes.

‹ Psychopaths: A New Sub-Species Courts Awarding Custody to Abusers and Domestic Violence Homicides -- Is There a Connection? ›
justwantpeace's picture

kids

May 19, 2010 - 9:46am — justwantpeace

im in the same boat as you. ex is very high functioning. he is very difficult to deal with. everything is always my fault.

Im just confused by sons actions. He doesnt seem to want a relationship with his dad but then told him he doesnt want to come because he doesnt see a relationship there because dad doesnt take an interest in him. So all i know is just try the best I can, pray, and let 15 yr old son build a relationship with dad.

Im sorry for your girls. its hard on them to. They just feel helpless and have no control over this situation. We can choose to walk away and go nc.

rache's picture

my two daughters

February 28, 2010 - 2:57pm — rache

were not from my psychopath,but,this is the way a psychopath/narcissist treats kids who aren't their own(and,i do not think they'd do much better with biological kids either)....he would talk badly about my kids-calling them names-whores,etc-then,say they'd never amount to nothing! He told my 14 year old daughter FK you! he would even call his sons wife a fking whore/stupid bitch.talk down about the one grand-kid like he hated her by his adopted son....i once went to a kids little ball game with him and 5 -7 year olds were playing and he'd scream hit the sob to his one grand-son who was 5 at the time....called the other kid who was 6 a sob! PARENTS there.His adopted son said if you do not settle down you will have to leave dad! BUT,his son still doesnt get his dad is a psycho plain and simple.He just thinks its cause he is a cajun.Yeah,right!NOT.

Amazed's picture

On Parenting

February 28, 2010 - 11:40am — Amazed

I do not have any children with him, however this is how they treat their kids. I was with a pathological N for over 3 years..

1. Wanted to get a joint checking account with me so "there could be more money for us" and so he could hide it from their mothers children, so she could not have access to the full amount he was making for child support purposes. Thank God I never did that. Interesting to find out he was actually living with another woman with 4 kids. He never told me about that, for the 3 years we were going out and "building a life together" or so he told me.

Get child support, you deserve it, and check out at their employer that they are not hiding income from you in some way.

2. Was consistently late picking up his kids for their visitation date. He would be making out with me in the car, or talking to me, while he was suppose to be picking up his kids. They would be calling insessantly, going hystierical,,wondering where he was,,,,I am on my way,,and he wouldn't budge. I would be like "go pick up your kids!" Ages 9 and 16.

Good idea to have them learn boundaries, because they will subject them to subtle, covert abuse like this.

3. Keep boundaries for yourself. His ex would have her new husband interface with him for conversations. Have as little contact with him as possible, and if you can, have someone else (like and attourney or family member) make phone calls or communicate with him.

4. Never get into a power struggle. Even if it means changing the way your communiate with him. Like answer only yes or no.. have no emotion in your voice. Dont' feed him anything.

Hopefully there are some others here who have made some successful habits with co-parenting. I would be interested to hear about it!!

Good luck!

M's picture

counseling

April 20, 2010 - 5:21pm — M

Lucky you to get your girls help. I tried in court, but the judge took a "wait & see" approach. His Mom & my exN were terrified of conseling for my daughter.
She's only 6 1/2...

Michvegas