I feel jealous and hurt..is it normal?

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#1 Feb 26 - 6PM
Kimmers55
Kimmers55's picture

I feel jealous and hurt..is it normal?

Hey Everyone. I have a EXN that I dated for about 6 months (short but a long road of hurt and pain)..

Here is my story if you want to read up on it before you comment :)

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/02/26/kimmers55-story

Well...the thing is..my EXN is a breakdancer and is a local "celebrity" and everyone just adores him..GAG ME! and well he has his groupies now and flocks of women following him around..I know he is lonely inside..the poor man, but is it normal of me to feel jealous? Its like..i am jealous that he is living this so called "happy life" and just dancing at local bars and getting his "fame" he has wanted for so long..and i am secretly jealous. I am wondering if anyone can help me..or offer advice or any similar stories. I would really appreciate it! Thanks so much!

I just dont know what to do..and when i see him out dancing at the clubs..he has his friends give me dirty looks and talk crap about me, and then they leave...how high school is that? I just need some advice..thanks everyone for listening!

Feb 27 - 4AM
serene69
serene69's picture

Kimmers55

I know exactly how you feel - I can be fine but then get these surges when i think how my N got away with how he treated me - and numerous other women - yet he is out there as a minor player on the nightlife scene. For me too, ever since our break up he seems to be doing really well. I don't deliberately look and find out what he is up to, but either through mutual friends or adverts etc etc I have heard - and it sends me fuming! It just seems like these Ns have a way of getting away with their behaviour. Like you, I know that inside my N is really deeply unhappy, just an empty shell, but he seems to have convinced himself he is wonderful so I really think that he thinks he is god's gift to the world. I've been scared too by my feelings of anger - but I know this is because there has been no real closure and I hope too it will gradually fade. But yes - how these guys go around with their little groupies fawning up to them! It is sick making - if only they knew the real truth about these men.
Feb 26 - 7PM
nycsurvivor
nycsurvivor's picture

Totally normal response...

N relationships are like no other. In a normal relationship, even when it doesn't work out, you don't wish ill-will on your ex. You're sad it didn't work out. BUT in a N relationship, the healthy partner has a lot of unresolved issues. Coming to terms that we did not matter to him. Having no closure. Grieving a relationship that was nothing to him. With that, comes a lot of anger. Personally, I often thought about physically harming him. And thinking about it in detail. Totally unprecedented for me. I thought, why should he be able to walk away and live his happy life, leaving me completely ruined? That rage was something that scared even me. I felt this way for the first several weeks, and then it passed. So, jealousy and hurt are also normal feelings.
Feb 26 - 6PM
bitterdestiny
bitterdestiny's picture

Mines a wrestler and just

Mines a wrestler and just told me today he and his "crew" were trying out for abdc next year ugh!! He did the same thing to me he told workers horror stories of me I fought for over a year to clear my name and just recently gave up most learned I was a good person who had no clue. My advice is what advice was given to me stay away its the only way find a new club. Did I get jealous not always I would get angry if he talked to his "fans" but he had me so twisted to think I was important to him so I saw them as nothing. So what if he hooked up with them he always came back to me. Now I wish one of them would of stuck around so I could of disappeared.
Feb 26 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
Kimmers55
Kimmers55's picture

I hate it!

I hate that the think that they can just spread lies about us! He got even our mutual friends to come up to me and scream at me and say " YOU ARE CRAZY!!!!! GET AWAY!!! " and haven't talked to me since. I am an aspiring break dancer and now I have no connections in the industry..I don't know what to do. I just want to clear my name, but its no use. *sigh* You see, the town I live in there are like 3 clubs to go to. and he goes to every single one. every single night. i have stayed away from the clubs for about 3 weeks. its been nice. I realize what's important to me. But i just don't want to curl up in the corner and never go out again. I was the one that ended things when I finally got sick of being treated like crap. Discarded and then Devalued..repeat repeat repeat. Than I had to talk to him regarding some matters, and he wouldn't answer my calls and that's when i tried to talk to his friends and they called me crazy and to go away, because every time i go somewhere and my EXN is there..he just up and leaves...like i am a virus... but i think its because he knows that I know who he really is.. Who knows..got any advice?
Feb 27 - 7AM (Reply to #14)
bitterdestiny
bitterdestiny's picture

I know exactly how that

I know exactly how that feels. Before I knew what he was I went as far as to work for one of the wrestling companies he worked for (he no longer works for them) I made it known he couldn't just trash my name and get away with it. But there were many times I spent crying by the end of the night. He would call when he knew I was out with them and say oh are you having sex with them knowing I would flip just to ruin my night. If this is your dream then don't let him stop you. Make sure you're head is on good you look amazing and put your nose up in the air. If his "friends" are screaming at you don't go near them I lucked out mine lives out of state granted I'm in Pa he's in Md so not that far but I hung out with those guys and thankfully most of them had a heart and saw what he was doing to me hence why he doesn't work for several companies now. So I guess my advice is this ignore them they have been fed his lies about you, you know that you are a good person it won't be easy like I said many many nights I left in tears but I made it clear I wasn't going to be stepped on, now I ended up staying with him but I tried my hardest to clean up the mess he was leaving for me. Not sure is you can pm here if so you can message me pending where you live I might even be able to help you with some connections :)
Feb 27 - 7AM (Reply to #9)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

In the shadow

Your N is a breakdancer. You are an aspiring breakdancer. And he goes to the three clubs in your town every night. And, he has assassinated your character in all three places. You got a problem. This is a classic N move. Destroy the career of the discarded one. Picasso, the artist, was a flaming N. He had 2 children with Francois Gilot, another artist, almost 30 years younger than Picasso. When Picasso finished with her, Francois, who was an established artist in France prior to meeting Picasso, could no longer get into any art gallery in France to hang her work. What gallery owner would give a lesser artist than Picasso a show? Nobody wanted to piss off Picasso. So, Francois immigrated to the United States. And did very well. Sometimes, after an N, one has to recreate oneself. I do not believe that one can peacefully co-exist in the same orbit as a N. The N will not allow that. They must destroy & devalue the discarded object (former girlfriend, ex-wife). The N does not see you as a person with feelings & needs which he respects, but the relationship, sadly, did not work out. No. You were an object merely useful to extract what he needed. When there is nothing left to extract, or he is no longer interested in what you have, discard. But tossing aside is not enough . . . if you are still in their line of sight, they must obliterate you . . . they cannot bear to have the discarded one in their line of sight. You don't exist for them & to be reminded of you enrages them.
Feb 28 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Agnes

Thanks for that bit of history on Picasso...that was interesting :)
Feb 28 - 7AM (Reply to #12)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Agnes

Thanks for that bit of history on Picasso...that was interesting :)
Feb 27 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

When they denegrate you to others

This is part of the Narc/psychopath formula. They will speak more bad about you to others than you will know. They do this,,,even while they are in a "relationship" with you (totally contradictory behavior)...they will simultaneously cut you down and "build you up",,,ie,,maniupulate you to be under their control. It is not them building you up. Or supporting you..it is manipulation,,,or control over you. They give the guise of them supporting you,,,if you look deep enough,,you will see their subtle ways of taking you off your course..trying to get you off target of where you want to be personally, and professionally. They make you think they are there for you,,,,however,,it is quite the contrary. So all the bad mouthing,,,is a shock,,,a total, and complete shock. It is so odd, when they talk behind our backs, and denegrate and discard like that. They are totally incongruent in their thoughts, and actions...and this hold true (I believe) in more areas of their life than one. It is not your fault, they do this all over the place, with everyone.
Feb 28 - 8AM (Reply to #11)
rache
rache's picture

~THIS~

is what the old psycho did to me from day one!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN,there were times when he told me he had to tell people he'd ran me down to that it was a misunderstanding(yeah right)-before i came down so they wouldnt wonder WTF!As if they didn't know what a freak he is.
Feb 26 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Kimmers

I will repost your story under our SHARE YOUR STORY. The link you posted is to a not-allowed site here. and yes - TOTALLY normal ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Feb 26 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Kimmers55
Kimmers55's picture

I'm Sorry!

I did not know that it was not allowed :( can you tell me why? i would like to know incase I should stay away..thanks :) sorry about that.
Feb 27 - 12AM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

you should stay far away

Because that forum is associated with this individual and their proxies: CLICK HERE ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Feb 27 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
rache
rache's picture

Sam

is silence of the lamb material for freaking sure-and-reading this even proves to me more that my ex is a psychopath-he loves hurting others.a woman once told him he hated women!
Feb 27 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

movie

have you WATCHED the movie he did? http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/i-psychopath/ ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Feb 27 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
rache
rache's picture

scary

freakazoids