I've been reading here for a few weeks. My story is'nt nearly as dramatic, or as heart breaking as some of yours, and honestly, I'm not certain I even belong here. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. We are currently separated. I don't where he is, as the only contact I have from him comes from a Yahoo email addy.

I tried putting 8 years worth of details here, and it just didn't work.The condensed version is we met online and he moved from the state he lived in to be with me-after only talking for a couple of months. After we had been together in person for 3 months he asked me to marry him. Of course he was my "soulmate" and so I said yes. A couple of days after we were married he tells me out of the blue- " I hope you can handle the truth." I asked what he meant and he said " Well, you know,you aren't the only one I was talking to when we met. I had that psychic seduction BS down to an art form." As time went on there phone calls and emails from former lovers, some married, secret email accounts, and I think one physical affair with some that he met while he was briefly employed. For the first four years we were married he was mostly unemplyed, and I supported us both as well as my dd. I once found an IM contact list with 337 names on it, all but a handful were female. Did I mention that all of his "friend" are female? They are. No male friends at all that I know of.
We were only married 3 months or so when he stopped coming to bed and began staying up online all night. Our sex life came to screeching halt. He claimed to feel unwell, blamed the fact that we everweight, blamed me for "being demanding" yada yada yada. He finally got a job,and things improved a bit for a few months. Then he got hooked on an online gaming. Got heavily involved with other players, emailing and talking on the phone with them, again all female. He would be up from the time he got home from work until 2-3am on this game, chatting with other players. This went no for the last four of our years together. I think he probaly found his next "soulmate" in game and left to be with her, although he denies this,but he usually denies anything which might not reflect very well on him.
Every 6-9 months he would become more distant than usual, harsher, more critical and decied that we "weren't compatible" and he needed to leave. Then he would change his mind. The last time this happened I didn't allow him the option of changing his mind, and he is gone. No expanation-just gone,baby,gone. I have spoken with a few couple of his ex'es over the years, and while no one was willing to go into much detail, they all seemed very angry. One claimed that he had caused a family member to lose their home,but didn't explain how he was involved. No use asking him-he will die before he gives any information that he doesn't want revealed.

Anyway, I'm pretty confused, because while I know that he is definitely messed-up, I'm not sure if he really fits the Narc profile. AND- I do sometimes wonder if I am the crazy one. I became needy and insecure,suspicious,and angry in the marriage,and while I realize that his treatment of me *triggered* that, still it came from me. It was there, waiting for the right stressor to bring it out. I have discovered rage and contempt in myself that I never knew I was capable of. I've said things to him I would never have dreampt of saying to anyone. I used to think of myself as a capable and caring person. Now I am callous, apathetic and can't recall how it feels to feel. Did he do this, or was I always a monster just waiting for circumstances to bring it out?