you are going through this. ForeverLearning has given an amazing response, so it's hard to add value!

I agree that you should move to your home state. My story which is posted, is somewhat similar, but I chose not to keep the child. I would have loved to continue with the pregnancy, but given his instability, and constant threats of breakup, and then his sudden disinterest in having the baby, I didn't think I had the support I needed from my partner.

I know how vulnerable you must feel, esp. since you're away from your family, and because you're pregnant. These Ns prey on our vulnerability, and kick us when we're down. By moving home, you at least have your family, and although it's an inconvenience for your son, your mental health during the pregnancy is more important.

Telling you your son does not have Asperger's is beyond cruel. In your delicate state, you need someone who will be supportive, and help you through the pregnancy. He is doing more harm than good.

If you have other options (other than staying with him), I really think you should take it. I've only been away from my xN for 1 month, and although it's been excruciating on most days, it still feels better than when you're in it. When you get away from that environment of being in a relationship with him, you'll be able to see more clearly. And feel lighter. The getting out of it is the tough part.

Hope that helps.

Barbara is going to recommend you get into therapy ASAP, and she is right. Pregnant and frightened and alone without support is no way to be.

I will give you my opinion. I say pull your son out of school and move back with your family. I can tell from reading your story, that is what you want to do, because you are scared and all alone, this man is not there for you, and pregnancy alone is terrifying.

I worked for the past 5 years with Asperger's kids along with the entire Autism spectrum and the mentally retarded and disabled. The fact this man told you that your son is the way he is due to you over-mothering him, is disgusting.

I have learned alot in the past few months around here. One thing I read is that, when they show you who THEY REALLY ARE, BELIEVE THEM. When he told you he has NO EMPATHY, and in all previous relationships he was accused of having no empathy, well I would think you can safely believe, this is a guy who doesnt empathize with others. And that is a bad sign for your future with him. A terrible sign actually. Because relationships are about caring for one another, feeling for one another. Not coldness, aloofness, mental abuse, head games, selfishness, and abandonment. Especially not while the one you profess to love, is pregnant with your child, and very vulnerable and in need of love, support, and help in many ways.

I'll tell you a bit about the bastard I was with 14 years and had 2 kids with. He also has no empathy. He had told me he was surprised he was not a serial killer.

And I had to agree with him.

Whenever I was sick, laying on the floor, he would step over me to get to the toilet. No helping me or getting medicine for me. No inquiry as to how I was. It was as if I didnt even exist. Can you imagine? Weird as hell, I know. Narcissists and Psychopaths are weird, that is the very foundation of who they are. They are not human - Golden rule # 1 to remember about them.

The 2 pregnancies I had with this loser were riddled with Pre-Eclampsia (High Blood Pressue) - life threatening. During the 2nd pregnancy, he wouldnt even drive me to the hospital when I went into pre-term labor. I drove myself.

Once he finally showed up just before delivery, they couldnt get the needle into my back for the anesthesia (epidural). I was pregnant mid to late 30's and have vast arthritis - the needle wouldnt go in to the space between vertebrae due to bone deterioration and bone spurs.

3 different, painful attempts in different spots in my back, to get the needle in, all while having pre term labor and Pre-Eclampsia. My blood pressure was through the roof, and I was panicking.

My husband, for no reason and without provication, made nasty but matter of fact comments to the anesthesiologist who was trying to get the needle into my back, comments about what a complainer I was, and how much a pain in the ass women were in general.

The anesthesiologist actually stopped what he was doing and looked at my husband, stunned and in utter shock. I think he (the anesthesiologist) realized he was standing next to a Psychopath..... and it frightened him. He was visibly disturbed after that for some time (the anesthesiologist).

8 years into the 14 year relationship with this bastard I developed cancer from the stress of living with a Narcissist Psychopath Alcoholic (bad combo by the way, real bad combo).

At the time, I didn't know these terms/ classifications, just that he was a real loser major league asshole. When I had my cancer surgery, he used the opportunity that I was gone from the house, to go party with friends and tie on a major alcoholic bender. Not out of feeling bad for me, but out of the need to party and take advantage that I was under the knife during a very delicate cancer surgery, and not around the house to get in his way.

So in a nutshell, if you have family you can go live with, I would highly recommend it. It will only get worse once the baby is here, and you have no sleep, trying to breastfeed, deal with your Aspergers syndrome son, and up every 2 hours with the baby all while dealing with this unsupportive, non-sympathetic loser. Imagine what an asshole he will be when the baby cries at night and disturbs his sleep.

The school relocation is a small price to pay. Most schools special education classes are filled with very good people anyway, I feel confident they will assist with the smooth transfer of your son into their classroom once you move back with your family.
If you experience any problems during the transition, speak to the school counselor, vice principal and principal, get to know them and establish relationships with them - it helps in the long run to be well known at the school as a very involved parent who is friendly, positive, and does not HESITATE to deal with problems HEAD ON regarding the teachers who are working in the special ed classes with your son.

The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Just remain positive, friendly and persistent and in constant communication (face to face if possible) with the new school staff - and you should have no problems with bringing your son to a new school during the school year.

Hang in there and don't go it alone, pregnancy is tough enough without an asshole as your only support system.

If this man is meant to be in your life and your childs life, it will evolve over time as it should, and you will be more confident to move back in with him in the future.

But right now, he is more harm than help, it sounds like.

Just my 2 cents. My opinions are certainly formed much by what I have lived through myself, but I luckily had family close by who helped me through it all. I COULD NOT have done it without them close by, always helping me - becaues the BASTARD was no help, only a MAJOR HINDERANCE.

God bless you and all the best to you.