Don't ever think your Strong Enough to Break No Contact...

17 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 15 - 11AM

Anonymous (not verified)

Don't ever think your Strong Enough to Break No Contact...

I can't even remember the last time i spoke to the Narc. He called several times while dd was in gymnastics class. I finally answered. He asked about dd & the boys. He was being extremely nice. I asked him if he was married yet & he said no but hoped to be someday. He told me that now that time has passed, he realizes all the hell he put me through & that he was soo sorry. He said that if he could do it all over again he would do it differently. He said he wished he had tried harder & we had gone to counseling like i wanted to. Anyway, he said he wished we could be friends. He said he was really happy with this girl (been with her since June), that he's inlove with her, & hopes to have a future with her. He went on to tell me that she was diagnosed with cervical cancer & doctors didn't know how long she's had it. He went on to tell me that he contacted his dad (they've never had a good realtionship & hadn't spoken to him in 7 yrs). I aways tried to get him to make mends with his father. Its almost like he's turning a new leaf. He seems to be trying to make mends with everyone. Do u think his gf's illness is making him look at life differently? Could this one woman be the one that miraculously changed the narc's life around. Things are different between them. She has not allowed him to move in to her house (he usually moves in with women right away), he's been with her for nine months & says he's very happy! I have not been able to stop thinking about him ever since! All the anger & hurt had settled & I'll be damned if its not all back in full force! I wanted to hurt him so i texted him & said that it was so typical of him to not do anything special for dd for V Day. I said that it was ok cos her stepdad had taken her to a Father/Daughter formal ball where they dance & went on a horse & carriage ride (she wore a tiara, long white gloves the whole bit!) I said that she knos her stepdad will always be there for her & that she knows the narc never follows thru with his promises. I had no idea he would still have so much effect on me. I don't want to kno he's happy, i don't want to kno that he will be showering gf with attention cos she's sick, i don't want to kno he's mending things with his father! His father is supposively alot like him.. I am in such a foul mood, I'm mad at the world!!! Any comments ???

#2 Feb 16 - 10PM

TexN (not verified)

Do these creeps ever stop???

Narc called my office (& of course, we don't have caller ID). When he realized it was me, first thing he said was, "I have all intentions of introducing dd to her grandfather! I said, "Why? She doesn't even kno she has a grandfather & why would u want to hurt her like that if he's dying?! He said, "That's life!" I said, But WHY NOW?! His father knew she existed & not once did he call that he wanted to meet her. I told him i thought it would be best if he & his father established their relationship before he throws dd in the middle of it. What if she falls inlove with him & the narc & him get across again & she'll never see him again? Then she'll be out her father & grandfather...I don't know, I just don't like it one bit. I told him I wanted to talk to her counselor & he said it wasn't her decision! Why break her little heart if its not necessary?! During the conversation he said his father had white spots on his lungs & dr.s can't figure it out but that he's lost half of his body weight. Then later he said his father could maybe live for another 5 years. I think bottom line is, no one has told the man he's dying (just like yall said!). The narc prolly just diagnosed him himself just said that for the "reaction". I told him to never call my office again or I would press harrassment charges & to call my lawyer with any other issues.

#3 Feb 17 - 12AM (Reply to #16)

Barbara (not verified)

TexN

you need to take this up with your lawyer IMMEDIATELY. his doing this is for SHOW and could be potentially traumatic for your child. Don't bother to ask him why or make him see reason... this is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Period. Don't bother TALKING TO HIM TexN!!! It isn't his decision either. Get your lawyer on this one ASAP!!!! Who CARES about his father? BFD - these predators use anyone & anything for attention. WHO CARES?!?!?! His father raised a Narc - whoopee-dee-doo... Call your lawyer immediately and tell her that he's harassing you at work. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#4 Feb 15 - 10PM

cynthia (not verified)

Not a chance

Do u think his gf's illness is making him look at life differently? Could this one woman be the one that miraculously changed the narc's life around. NO WAY!! Nobody miraculously changes these types ever. He is sorry he put you through hell? He is still the same disordered person, none of them change I thought when my psychopath lost his mother he would change, he got worse. Seems like nothing really saddens them and if they act sad how do we really know?

#5 Feb 16 - 10PM (Reply to #14)

TexN (not verified)

Cyn

You're right. If his father dies, he will really have issues then! He will wish that he hadn't wasted so many years being angry at his father. He will have alot of anger & regrets then...& then his gf will see the full blown narc in action! I bet he's using his gf's & father's illness to get some sort of attention to himself!

#6 Feb 15 - 11PM (Reply to #13)

narcsurvivor

That's true. My ex narc

That's true. My ex narc lost his mother to an illness several years ago. I didn't know him before but I doubt he was any different. Death does not affect narcs. Here's something weird that always bothered me about him: when he first moved into his house he bought, I helped him move. We had just started dating. I remember seeing a picture of his mother on the floor amongst all his things he had recently moved in. He never bothered to pick it up the whole time I was there that day. I don't know why I didn't pick it up myself; I guess I kind of froze when I saw it there. I saw him eyeing it but he made no move to pick it up off the floor. I dont know what happened to that picture. He has a filing cabinet in the closet that he says has private stuff in it. Maybe he shoved it in there. He is the worst slob; you just wouldn't believe me if I told you how bad he is. At least he is dedicating his book to his mother, so he told me.

#7 Feb 15 - 1PM

quietude (not verified)

TexN

As tempting as it is to feel some type of satisfaction with our exN's by trading barbs about current love life, other personal issues, etc...it's saying to them "I CARE". This is what they hear. Unfortunately, when the N gets that message validated, it opens the door for more luring, or abuse or a combination of the two...in other words, nothing good for you. This IS contact. You must communicate about the kids, yes, but as you've read on the boards, there is a way to do that to minimize your exposure. Sorry, if he's an N, he hasn't 'realized' now has been enlightened about Jack squat. Who knows why the heck he called?? My exN tried to contact me last week after SIX MONTHS of nothing. But I find it VERY interesting that now that his GF has been DX'd with cancer, he's calling. When we're sick, we are no good to them. I'm sure you've had your own experience with this?? So he's trolling for additional supply. I think his GF's illness is making him look at things differently alright, but not in the way you think!! You think she'll get attention she needs?? Think again. If you think of his call in this context, it's rather disgusting. As you say, "miraculously" changed. Meaning, it would be a miracle, I agree with you on that. He SAYS, SAYS, SAYS. You know none of that matters. He's not HAPPY. He can never be happy in the way you and I think of happy. He can only satisfy his ravenous appetite for supply, then he's on to the next thing to do so. He's an emptiness that can never be filled, ever. Talking to him like this has shaken up your emotions again. The only thing that helps this is strict NC. This gives them the message I DON'T CARE, and you yourself start believing it eventually too.

#8 Feb 15 - 12PM

Piscesdream

The fact that he called you

The fact that he called you several times in a short matter of time shows that he was desperate for attention in some way. I wouldn't put too much emphasis in what he said either. I think he was feeling sorry for himself so he called you several times in hopes that he could make you think he's living the high life. He wanted to make you feel guilty for ending the relationship (i.e.- crushing his ego) and for moving on with your life. Remember, they can't move on. They don't know how to move on. So he was trying to hurt you because he's feeling sorry for himself. He's jealous of your happiness. Next time turn the phone off for about 30 minutes when he keeps ringing. That should help keep you from answering. I hope anyway. :) Hang in there! Don't let him get a rise out of you! You are better than he is. :)

#9 Feb 15 - 12PM

MsVulcan500

Don't fall for it

I wouldn't put too much stock into his story either. He chose this time for whatever reason to contact you and claim he wants to be friends. He was hoping to get a reaction out of you, and unfortunately he did, but that is water under the bridge. We have all snapped back. Don't for one minute let yourself feel sorry for him or think he's changed. He hasn't. If he wants to be friends with you, it's because he wants something from you. This is the only reason any of of them have friends. To use. He has just come up with a reason that you could be useful to him. That's all, nothing more.

#10 Feb 15 - 11AM

serene69

Remember

It must sound so frustrating - but remember one of the things Ns are best at is ... lying! So how much of what he has told you is fabricated? He knows that if he tells you that everything is great that it will evoke feelings in you - that it will bring everything back to you - and make you feel bad. He knows it will make you question the relationship you had together, and he will be hoping you will start thinking that it was indeed your fault why it went so wrong. I would take anything an N says with a pinch of salt.

#11 Feb 15 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

TexN (not verified)

Serene

Thanks for commenting. I think his biggest lies were the ones about me. He doesn't have any remorse. He was just blowing smoke up my butt! (lol!)

#12 Feb 15 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

TexN

NO MORE EMOTIONAL CONTENT CONTACT the minute he starts blah blahing about that nonsense CUT IT OFF BUSINESS ONLY!!! He's full of sh*t... you actually believe what he said? come on you KNOW better!!! PATHOLOGICALS DO NOT CHANGE... he probably said what he did about the GF JUST TO HURT YOU. NO MORE FULL CONTACT! and back to square one with your healing. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#13 Feb 15 - 7PM (Reply to #4)

TexN (not verified)

Yep! Back to square one

He left a message saying his father is dying & is trying to mend their relationship. Next thing you know he's going to try to take dd to meet her dying grandfather. I hate to be ugly but my daughter is 6 1/2 yrs old. Why would I want her introduced to a dying man she doesn't even know?! He wouldn't even come see her when she was born! I've had 2 missed calls from him this evening (I ain't going there again!).

#14 Feb 15 - 7PM (Reply to #5)

quietude (not verified)

Texn

NOT ugly! Please do not allow it. If he makes a big stink later on about it, tell your lawyer it was too traumatic for a 6 year old to see that. Stick to your guns ~ keep ignoring. If his GF is so fabulous and he's so happy, why is he bugging you with all this?? He's wacko...keep missing those calls!

#15 Feb 16 - 12AM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

quietude you are RIGHT ON!

If his GF is so fabulous and he's so happy, why is he bugging you with all this? AMEN!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#16 Feb 16 - 1AM (Reply to #7)

Piscesdream

Oh my gosh that is sooooo

Oh my gosh that is sooooo true! Good call Barbara!

#17 Feb 16 - 1AM (Reply to #8)

itreallyisabouthim

I was going through e-mails

I was going through e-mails recently and I saw one sort of like you describe. Actually I saw a few. EVERY time, right on the heels of an e-mail like this, was a full body slam. They just pull random stuff out of their bag of tricks to see what sort of reaction each tactic gets. I WISH I could go full NC...they're such a mess.

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