What do you guys think of "It's Just Lunch" ?

What do you guys think of "It's Just Lunch" ?
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Hi all.... I am actually feeling like I might be open to going on a date or meeting a person. Still not sure how I will feel if I am really in front of a man on a date. I may not be ready and just tear him apart for no good reason, except that there is a possibility that he is a narc.

I would NEVER ever in my life EVER do any online dating like eharmony, Match.com, etc, given what has happened to me when I used those services (met horribly pathological evil abusive men).

A friend sent me an email about "It's Just Lunch"... this is actually the 4th time she sent it to me. It is a a bit of a matchmaking service, where they match you up with a certain number of dates. I think the fee is like 2 grand or something. Given the price I assumed (although I could be VERY wrong) that the men may be a bit more serious about finding a dating partner.

Thing is... I am kinda attracted to men outside of my race (although I date guys of my race too, for sure)-- but men in general don't approach me that often. Just lots of smiles or a little hello.... but nothing else (perhaps they were taken- who knows). The ones who come on full force with tons of charisma, charm, and confidence are...... you guessed it- NARCS!!! Otherwise, the nice quiet ones that I would love to talk to don't approach me.

I went to a fun get together with some new friends last night and the hosts boyfriend was the coolest, most laid back 'normal' guy. We had a blast with him. She just joked around with him and focused on us without having to worry about his reaction or HIS attention needs. I would like to feel that way with a man... rather than an image obsessed all about him freak of a creature who calls himself my boyfriend whils screwing escorts, ex girlfriends, and new supply... blah!! Who gets pissed if my attention isn't solely on him- causing me to look like a nervous wreck in front of everyone.

Anyway--I would like to date a bit... esp since i don't feel broken anymore ;o)

I just wonder if anyone has used this service before.... what do you all think of it.

ForeverLearning's picture

It Seems To Me

It seems to me that no matter what route a person takes to dating, it has got to move slowly. A decent man will understand and learn to deal with it if he is serious about you long term.

And face to face dates are a must, over a long course of time before any intimacy comes into play (lets say a minimum of 4 months dating) to see the guys body language, facial expressions, roving eyes.......

(plus it would be nice to meet his friends/family at some point, to see if they are wacked out or not).

rather than this crappy online chat/correspondence (which is mostly fake and just a chance for people to LIE behind the computer screen 'shield').

Remember once the sex starts your brain becomes mush. It just does.

And try to give men who are of the same race as you a chance. Odds are you just will have more in common and it is easier in the long run, just my humble opinion.

And yes when it comes to sex, there are men of all races who are good at it, and men in all the races who are lousy. So dont go thinking your sex drive limits you to dating one particular race. Again just my opinion, everyone has one.

Best of luck to you!

Jessika's picture

Thanks Forever Learning

I date men of all races... not just out of my race- but I thought I said that. My fault for disclosing the comment about race- I shouldn't have disclosed that here ... it was simply a way of stating that I don't meet a variety of people as I would like. I enjoy dating white, black, etc. Key is education level, intelligence, success, and kindness. So, again I shouldn't have raised race.

However, since it was raised by me, I have to say that

at 39 years old I don't like to hear that I should try my own race.... LOL -- of course I date my own race too- I'm not some kind of hater of my own (that would be strange/sick). My goodness.

Please don't take this wrong ForeverLearning, but i don't want someone to share with me the type (race) of man they think would be the more appropriate match, "have more in common with", and "easier" in the long run. The key for me is "non narc".

Have to say- I don't get the "sex drive" comment--- confused by that- LOL! I certainly don't believe men of ANY particular race is better in bed than another... that's just concrete/ strange thinking.

As far as taking it slow. Narcs can take it slow too. With my narc I didn't sleep with him until 7 1/2 months! So... I did take it slow and certainly kept away from the bedroom, bc that is the kind of woman I am. He (being a narc) was able to take it slow and play the game the entire time.

Unlike many others on the board, I hated sex with my ex.. he was horrible (from day one) so I never bonded with him or had the chemistry reaction that many of you speak of (thankfully).

Again thanks for taking the time to respond... however I guess my mention of race in my origina post distracted you a bit, as indicated in your last portion of your response.

(As you can tell... I didn't like it)

Jessika

ForeverLearning's picture

Sorry Jessika

Hi Jessika - Just wanted to apologize.

God bless you and no hard feelings.

Jessika's picture

No hard feelings

and thanks for the apology.

Jess

cynthia's picture

NO WAY

I would not take the risk, I am nobody to tell you how you feel but according to the stats and recovery, you are not ready the wound is still too fresh, you may be feeling lonely and need male companionship I would seek my male friends I know well and stay away from an actual date, or even "just lunch" and ANYTHING online, forget it.

Barbara's picture

nope

I'd consider it STILL ONLINE DATING...
how do you know you won't meet a guy who seems nice and can ACT normal at lunch and then stalk you???

Nope. Do NOT do it. Go volunteer somewhere... there are groups who do all sort of things... restaurant crawls... food tours... craft tours... dance nights...

If you have to "sign up for it" is JUST A NO-NO

tell your friend to cut it out... btw has it been 18 months since your break up??????????

~~~~~~~~~
The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

quietude's picture

dating

I would add that anything that seems 'structured' is suspect to me. Even though 'it's just lunch', there are people behind the scenes setting you up with people they think are a good match. They are basing this on questionaires and physical requirements. Anybody can sound good in a profile.

I just think those things attract a lot of creeps, and it's always on the premise that 'they are successful people who just don't have time to look', but I feel they're paying someone to do their prowling for them because it's easier.

This might be someone who, because of what you've been through, would totally give you the creeps if you met in normal passing??...but would fool some matchmaker who would just describe them as wonderful, charming, handsome, and friendly.

Ugh, I worked for a dating service back in the 80's, way before online anything. I hated it, there were always a few girls who stayed really busy with dates (young/pretty), and the successful guys young & old were catered to. Yuck.

When and if I'm ready to start dating, it's going to have to be by chance...and even then, the radar stays up.

Jessika's picture

Thank you

Quietude!

Lucky I have this place as a sounding board.

Otherwise, given what you all have said it is highly probable that in a month or so I would be here in pain over a NEW narc.

OR

you would hear about me in the news.... You know... like a female "Dexter"!

just kidding-- lol!

Jessika's picture

LOL

Just 8 months.... but, I'm feeling pretty good! (lucky me) Have my occasional days of being REALLY pissed about the betrayal. But in general, I'm doing pretty good.

It may be that I am just feeling better and not a stranger in my own body (since my soul have returned--- oh I missed her so). I guess with my soul back I feel like I am complete again. However, I will continue to heal; enjoy my time alone; and take things slow. I am not in a rush. Just feeling out what may be a safe option, ya know.

Won't sign up for it then-- don't want to put myself at risk. I mean it would be my luck he is with this service as well as have several online dating accounts- lol!! Thanks for the input Barbara ;o)

Yeah, I will find some groups that fit my interest and actually get to KNOW people.

Thanks for the reality check.

nycsurvivor's picture

It's Just Lunch Is Not Good

I'm not sure which location you are looking into, but the one in NYC is not a good one. I think they have the same pool of men, that they circulate into the mix. Or at least that is what I've heard. A friend of mine who tried it said you also have only a few dates, all set up by It's Just Lunch, without any input from you. And, they will pick types that are the opposite of what you're looking for.

Jessika's picture

Wow

NYC... thanks for the inside info.

So awful that they just take your money, while their client is so hopeful that they are sincerely trying to help.

Nope.... definitely won't be using that service.

Welcome to the board. You will learn so much hear.

:o)

Jessika