I received the following email from the GF of my ex N. He had been married twice before me and both wives and myself obtained restraining court orders against him. He abused his three kids from his 2nd wife that they ended up having psychiatric treatment. He abused my older two kids who were not his and social services threatened to put them on the at risk register if I did not leave him. I have a two year old son with him and he has never sent him a birthday or xmas card/present. He met GF on the internet shortly after we finally split. He ruined my life financially and emotionally and took everything from us, car, home, furniture, money. I warned the new GF but she did not believe me. I met up with him in August last year at his and her request but he was so abusive to me that I don't ever want to see him again. At his suggestion I agreed to allow him to see our son at a contact centre but he has not returned the application forms. He refuses to go to court as he says he has moved on and changed and does not want to rake up the past.

This is the email from her that haunts me daily:

I have to tell you I think you are wrong to deny Mick and Alfie the chance to have a relationship. The police have examined all the facts from the papers you sent, and were of the opinion that you are unbalanced and simply bitter over past events. They advised us to ignore it, but unfortunately it had an effect on those we love. Why do you think you have the right to persecute Mick? If he were the person you claim, and guilty of your allegations there are laws in place which would have dealt with it legally. Full checks were carried out when Mick purchased the business and no convictions or police records were found. You have no right to take the law into your own hands. Your hypocrisy is so evident, denying Mick any contact with his son. Please do not think I am being controlled or manipulated, if Mick were to treat me the way you allege he treated you then I would not tolerate it, let alone keep coming back for more and actually allowing myself to fall pregnant.

We have talked at length about the situation with Alfie, and feel defeated and hopeless. I know that unless you can move on and are accepting of Mick's involvement you will always put barriers and objections in the way. Your past conduct has proved this. I do not particularly want Mick to see you, but I put my personal feelings aside because I believe a child should come first. I wish you could do the same. Mick has suffered since seeing Alfie in August, he told me at the time that he had doubts about seeing him because you would take him away again, and he was right. How can you play with people's emotions in this way? This is something that could affect Alfie forever, if anything happened to Mick you would have to explain to Alfie why he was never allowed the opportunity to know his own father. I am fully aware that Mick is not perfect, none of us are, but to use a child in this way makes you worse than anything you can accuse him of.

Mick has filled out the necessary forms for the Contact Centre, but has voiced his concerns to me that the allegations and lies that you will have put down on your forms will adversely affect the opinion of the staff there. He is willing to address and defend every accusation you may make, but ultimately this will not change your attitude, and this is where the problem lies. He knows that you are likely to fabricate reasons why Alfie cannot attend the centre, making the whole process pointless. His concern also is that even if you do take Alfie, his being left there will be too distressing for all concerned.

I am asking you one last time to reconsider your stance. Mick honestly regrets the pain caused to everyone involved, and has tried to put things right in any small way he can. If you refuse to reconsider then he has no choice but to walk away, and hope that by the time Alfie reaches an age when he can make his own decisions it will not be too late. If you are unable to be reasonable because of your feelings towards Mick then nothing more can be done. At least Mick can walk away knowing he did as much as humanly possible to rectify things, and can tell Alfie this in all good conscience when he has the opportunity, when Alfie is old enough to understand. You have to live with your conscience, if you have one at all, and live with the knowledge that you are considered to be an unbalanced and vicious human being. If you ever find the ability to be reasonable and realistic then Mick will always be ready to talk, but I will not have him living in hope of seeing his own son, a basic human right which you have the arrogance to deny.

I know you will simply come back with more crap about me being controlled, and so please don't bother, it's water off a duck's back. I am simply appealing one last time for you to be honest about your motives. Mick and I need to move on without this hanging over our heads and to know that he honestly tried. I know you will say that he needs to prove himself and his commitment, I disagree, a child has a right to know who his father is, warts and all. All you want is to humiliate Mick and make him jump through hoops. Well this is not going to happen any more. I honestly think that you know in your heart that you are wrong to deny your son his right to his father, but you are in a difficult position with your other kids. You and Mick made the decision to bring Alfie into this world, it's not as if Mick is trying to undermine you or cause trouble, but he does have a right to be a part of his son's life. If he screws it up then you will be able to move on knowing you gave the chance.

I don't expect you to change your mind to be honest, and you will no doubt come back with the same negative responses as before. I ask you to consider one thing though, you too caused hurt during your relationship with Mick, and continue to do so. He has faced and admitted his faults and moved on. When will you have the honesty and courage to do the same?