Complex PTSD, The 4 F's - (Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn)

Complex PTSD, The 4 F's - (Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn)
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The more I learn about complex PTSD the more convinced I am that I have finally found what I have been suffering from since childhood. I fit the criteria perfectly.

Here is a link to an article called 'the 4 F's' by a relational therapist who suffers with Cptsd himself but has reduced the symptoms over the years to a manageable level. He had both childhood and military ptsd so he knows his stuff. All his articles are very good and can be accessed from his homepage. Boy do I wish this guy lived in my hemisphere, I'd hire him as my therapist in a shot!

http://www.pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm

For those who read it, what type of 4F hybrid do you most fit? I think I would be a Freeze/Fawn type

Barbara's picture

Klarity Belle

sorry but this guy follows the Co-Dependency model - not a GOOD or APPROPRIATE APPROACH for us victims.

we simply CAN NOT be codependent with a PATHOLOGICAL. CAN. NOT.

I have had complex PTSD since childhood. It sucks, frankly.

Here's a good place to look for a Trauma Counselor:
http://ptsd.factsforhealth.org/help/searchclinic1.asp

~~~~~~~~~
The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

4joys4's picture

I'm sorry but I really didnt

I'm sorry but I really didnt like this site. It smells bad to me. Don't know why yet. Will let you know.

Klarity Belle's picture

Fawning

Maybe it's the fawning bit that is too 'close' to co-dependency speak. For me, although I have worked hard (am still working) not to be a people pleaser, I cannot deny that it has been a lifelong defense mechanism of mine, one I used long before the narc came into my life - I learned it at the hands of 2 narc's tho - my mother & my brother! I accept that regardless of whether or not I was a people pleaser, I could have been a victim of the narc anyway, but in my particular case I do have people pleasing behaviours which I cannot magic away just because they do not fit in with this forum's beliefs.

I don't see myself as co-dependent, though in the past I admit to trying that hat on - it didn't fit! I see my people pleasing or 'fawning' as this therapist refers to it as one of my main adaptive behaviours I learned in childhood as a way to both avoid hostility from my family of origin and ensure I got my 'strokes' elsewhere.

Pleasing didn't work with my mother and bro but it did save me from some prickly angry outbursts being projected onto me. I did manage to get approval from others through pleasing though and at the same time managed to avoid (my percieved) abandonment by them.

I had to overcome my fears not to try and 'please' my therapist today and it was difficult not to fall into this old behaviour pattern when there was abandonment fear present for me. I have been referred for EMDR therapy but I was concerned that my Jungian analyst who I have seen once a week for over a year would disapprove of me 'mixing' therapies. The 'old' me would have kept the two therapies secret from the other because of my fear of disapproval but I didn't do that, I told her clearly that I could not afford additional sessions with her and was going to supplement with EMDR but would like to remain open with her about it so the two treatments can benefit me together. She was concerned as I expected she might be but she didn't tell me to take a hike like my abandonment fear would have had me believe if I let it.

I see my own patterns and I cannot deny them because they have been a part of my adaptive behaviour system for so long. I respect that on this site codependency is a dirty word and in order not to offend members here I will be more careful in future before posting articles that could be seen as following a codependent model.

In the meantime, I have absolutely no control over my narc co-parent's behaviours but I can set boundaries with him for me and my children. Alongside that, by working on my own issues and accepting my adaptive behaviours exactly as they are, I am becoming stronger and able to respond better than I used to. I only have control over myself and that includes taking responsibility for my people pleasing behaviours and their reduction - imho.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

Barbara's picture

Klarity Belle

codependency is not a "dirty word" here - it just simply doesn't even apply to us.

big difference between that and being trained to be a people pleaser by your family of origin and/or brainwashed by a Narc partner. BIIIIIIG difference.

the minute I saw that site you mentioned talk about John Bradshaw... boom! We can not be held responsible for be TRAINED to be a people pleaser by pathological parents. We can only be responsible for not doing something about it when we discover what its done to our lives and our choices in life. In that way - I think you are on the right track.

EMDR is a great choice - let us know how that goes.

~~~~~~~~~
The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

Klarity Belle's picture

Gotcha

That's the shift I have made within myself since learning more about pathalogical relationships - I was groomed by my narc mother and that was HER fault, not mine as an innocent child.

I am only getting in touch with that anger that I was not allowed to express outwardly to her now and she has been dead 22 years. Now, it is my responsibility to work on those learned behaviours because they do not help me - in fact they probably made me 'gleam' all the more brightly while the narc was scanning for a replacement victim. He was the predator and I was an easy prey to catch.

I don't remember mentioning John Bradshaw here before though I have read 'Healing the shame that binds you'.

I am looking forward to trying EMDR and am hopeful that my responses to ptsd triggers will lessen and become more manageable with time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

Barbara's picture

Klarity Belle

you didn't mention John Bradshaw... the site you posted did.

My mother's been gone almost 10 and it was about 2 years before my rage came out, so I understand that. It's a work in progress when your the child of Narc.

~~~~~~~~~
The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website