Well, i had an appointment with a psychologist today and am feeling relieved, and kinda numb.

Within 10 minutes of talking with her she told me he's sounding narcissitic/sociopathic. Go figure lol

I mean everything I've been told here rings true but i still had doubts, still thought this didn't really happen to me, etc. He wasn't hitting me or outright calling me nasty names so he must be normal. She explained how charming/sweet they can be and that I have confused that with REAL feeling. She pointed out all the ways he lacks empathy, is abusive, manipulative, shifts blame, plays the victim and on and on. I was an object. I was not loved by this person. How he hid his manipulation/abuse well as he introduced it slowly and also he is smart/intellectual....good with words. All stuff that has been explained to me here too.....it's just really starting to sink in. And I'm going to on antidepressants for PTSD.

We talked about my past serious relationship (which was physically abusive) and how that and my childhood have conditioned me for these types of relationships.

Anyways, I am feeling hopeful for recovery. Thank you Barbara and everyone on here who has been supportive, offered advice etc.