The farther I look back the more red flags I see. I can punish myself and say why didnt I see them then. I can beat myself up for that. Or I can say I was a victim of a crime and I ended it. It is over and now I will recover. Get the help I need and move forward.

Remember Dora from "Nemo"

"just keep swimming, just keep swimming"

And soon, you have distance from it. You gain clarity.

You have been harmed, traumatized, and betrayed. normal people cry about those things the guy who did it to you just jumped right back into the dating game to get another victim. when this stage finishes you will feel much better and be able to do No Contact without a lot of effort. You are not giving yourself the credit you deserve for breaking the engagement and getting free. You almost entered a 'house of horrors' marriage with a really nasty man. It will help if you get some books on freeing your emotional intelligence from this siutation. Intellectually you did the right thing now you just have to get your internal life all on the same page. Try some meditations and some affirmations to switch your thinking to a more positive and future oriented thought process. Some good affirmations are:

I deeply accept myself and remain open to new possibilities
I am worthy of love and affection
I am confident in my personal powers
I have good fortune and peace within

you might not believe them when you begin but in around 22 days you will.

Any type of excercise will raise your endorphin level and that really helps. Yoga does a lot for people who feel so betrayed and rejected. You are moving into such a better place just remember you control what you think about and thoughts can create chaos in your system. You have taken a really hard hit but now you have to create your future. He will go on doing this and there is not a lot of justice in the beginning. One of the best ways to punish your abuser is to live well. Go for it.