wthellwasithinking's story

22 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jan 17 - 6PM
wthellwasithinking
wthellwasithinking's picture

wthellwasithinking's story

I have been on this forum for over a month now and I just now have the courage to write down the aftermath of my journey. I know there are things I will leave out but I will try to make it to the point and show all the "high" points of the relationship.

2001, I am a junior in college and enjoying every minute of it. Then, that fateful day during spring break-HE walks in to my life and nothing was ever the same. Funny how fate works, I wasn't even supposed to be at work that day. A week later, he comes to my college town and takes me out. FUN FUN FUN! I had never had so much fun in my life! He's 6 years older (still hanging in a college town-light bulb #1) and just seems like he's got it all together. I remember one time my roommate and I getting ready to go out and he had me on the phone saying that I needed to stay in and study. It was summer school and a Thurs night...all the kids go out on Thurs night. He kept me on the phone until midnight before my roommate finally had enough and told him we were leaving. Should have been another clue. The next day after that, I got my first brow beating for not listening to him. Wow, maybe he was right. I should have stayed in.

Fast forward to August...just 5 months after we met. He wants to marry me. I resist and he keeps pressuring me. I finally give in...I am 22 and it seems like it will be ok. He asks my father and everything "proper" happens. I've only met his family a couple times...his mommy and sissy didn't really approve of their baby getting in so deep with me. So, we get married a few days before my fall semester starts. My father told me after my divorce that the moment we walked out as a married couple from the ceremony, he took my father aside and said, "She's mine now." My father never told me and my father said his bones shook after he heard that. My father said in his eyes there was no soul.

The very 1st wk of the marriage was absolutely crazy. All of a sudden, I couldn't listen to Britney Spears, pop music, pop country or anything. I had to listen to what he approved of. I started scratching my head. He threw away my CDs and replaced them with his....cheatin', drinkin', country songs. Don't get me wrong, I was the type that loved all sorts of music and I barely stood up for myself thinking that what he said, "You need to grow up" was indeed correct.

The college town I attended was about an hour from home and where he worked. He went home everyday and his mommy fed him and his sissy kept telling him that I needed a job. They have been a thorn in my side for 9 years now. He never came home. Ever! He always had an excuse for staying out late or not getting back to the college town until the wee hours of the morning. Within the first month of the marriage he had scheduled me an appointment with a counselor to "fix me." Wow, I didn't know anything was wrong with me. So I went, I had never been to a counselor and she asked why I was there. "To fix me, of course. He told me I needed to be fixed, that something was wrong with me. I'm not a good wife, I'm not a good cook, I listen to the "wrong" music." She stared puzzled. She asked me all sorts of questions and one was if he drank. Yes, he drank...he was 28 and always had his buddies visiting the college town to go out and drink. Ultimately, she said-and I still hear the words, "Dear, you are NOT the problem. He is. And I will tell you that he will either pick the drinking or his family or both and not you. And if by some miracle he does pick you, you will quite possibly kill yourself." WOW! Looking back, she was giving me permission to leave the relationship but at 22 I didn't know anything other than to "make the relationship work."

Things happened and eventually I had my fill of his late nights and coming home smelling like a brewery. I called him at 11pm one night and he was still down at home and he said he was on his way back up to me. Mind you, it takes 45 min to get back. He didn't show up until 5am. I threw all his clothes over the balcony of my tiny apartment and told him to leave. He left and I cried. Of course, it was my fault. He didn't want to come home to a "not good wife." We were separated for a month. Him living with mommy. I was scared, I didn't know what to do. So, I went out and had a good, much needed girl time with my girlfriends. He must have had a nose to know I wasn't going to be moping at home. He called that night and left nasty messages on the answering machine. The next morning I had an email telling me how infantile I was and I was causing us not to get back on track together. He would not tolerate my behavior. I had to drop several classes because my head was spinning over emotions and just the fear of losing him and being with him at the same time.

I finally graduate college. That's when the hatred and more abuse started. I couldn't find a job right out of college and he seemed ok with it. Then, in our little 900sqft apartment, he wanted me to get up at 5am with him, cook him breakfast, and start cleaning. I was to clean from 5am until he came home from work. I was to work just as hard as him. I made sure the vacuum lines were on the carpet so it would look like I had been working so hard for 12 hours. I made sure dust was nowhere to be found. That only lasted for a couple days. It wasn't enough. I couldn't keep him happy with the amount of cleaning or work ethic I had. He never had anything nice to say. He threw tobacco cans at me when he was mad bruising my legs all up and down when I tried to stick up for myself.

Then, he took a job that required him to work overseas. Gee, I missed him for 4-6 wks at a time. He would call and it would be wonderful. Then, it was him calling from the other side of the world to see if I was vacuuming. If I had gone to see his mother, if I had used bleach on the sink, if I was spending all of "his" money. I hated to get the calls and I ignored them. He would come home and not want to have sex. In my head thinking, "OK, you've been gone from your wife for over a month and you don't want to have sex with me?" I felt rejected. But he kept on going about his business.

Fast forward 6 months...that's how long we were in the apartment before he wanted to build a house....a house far, far away from my parents (whom he loathed and thought were trash...and I was trash. We (my parents home) lived on the wrong side of the major freeway...the "trashy" side) and he wanted to be as far away from them as possible. So, he signs a contract for a piece of land and moves me into his mother's house (yikes). I desperately plead for us to just keep the apartment while we build and he has none of it. I knew it was going to be bad. We move in to his mother's house and he leaves out of the country the first week we're there. I had actually found a job and it was close to my parent's home. So, while he was gone I would stay at my parent's house. His mother didn't like that. I couldn't be watched and accounted for. So, the phone calls began..."why aren't you at the house, my mom needs you to peel wallpaper, cut the grass, my sister needs you to watch her kids..." Mind you, these people are not destitute and can help themselves or quite frankly afford to pay someone. Well, they offered to pay me ($5/hr) to do their dirty work. So it began. The mother tattled on me when I wasn't at her house. So, one day I decide to go over there before my shift at work and email my NH because my "trashy" parents didn't have internet. When I get there she isn't there. I get on her computer and something pops up...she had forgot to clear her messages. So I begin to read...it's from him. He was admitting to her that he had slept with a local on the beach in Brazil. He had a rash and saw there was a condom in his trash can. It went on...and I felt faint. She had responded saying not to tell me and she would get him professional help for his drinking. He basically told her he wanted to jump off the oil rig for what he had done. I email him and tell him I hoped the piece of tail he got in South America was worth it. I move all of my stuff in a matter of 45 minutes in the back of the truck and leave...just when his mother pulls up and asks what's wrong. I couldn't believe her face and the lie in her eyes. She knew exactly what was going on. Not to mention...I had found emails to his old gf from his mother saying that she wished she would have encouraged the old gf to stay with him because she never saw me. Many, many emails between the both of them. And the old gf would appear many times while I was there...how embarrassing.

Anyway-I take him back after his infidelity...he said he would change, he would stop drinking...yada yada yada. Basically, he didn't want to lose "his" house that I was working on while he was out of the country. So...we go to counseling but somehow it always got twisted around that because I wasn't a good wife that was why he cheated?? I was always in a state of confusion. During this phase, we ended up at my parent's extra home to live in. Many times he kicked me with steel toe boots because he felt I wasn't forgiving him in the timely manner he thought. I wasn't giving him enough sex because of what he did and it was affecting his job performance! Crazy! I lied about the bruises to everyone but I thought I deserved them. I went to see my pastor who, like all other counselors, saw right through my ex and his schemes. I lied and lied and kept everything in, but outwardly it was showing that I was fading. I wasn't the same person anymore.

House finished and we move in. I find out I'm pregnant. The very day I took the test, he said nothing. The day I went to the first appointment, he saw the conception date and had the nerve to say he wasn't in town when that happened. I was devastated...how could he say that. I had never given him any reason to think I would ever cheat on him. I quit my job because it is 60 miles away and 65 miles away from my parent's house. He tells me it's better that I just stay home and get the house organized and save money on fuel because he makes so much money. I will never forget, the Friends Finale was on and I had waited to see it. I was unpacking boxes and watching at the same time. Then 15 minutes before the show ends, he walks in front of the tv and turns it off. Tells me to get busy. I turn it back on and he turns it off...like a child he tells me it hurts his feelings that I won't talk to him while the show is on. I miss the show arguing that I am an adult and can watch tv when I want. He throws me over his shoulder and throws me out the front door in the mud and rain and says to get out of HIS house. I was 6wks pregnant. I should have left then. I manage to get back in the house and hide in a spare room. Call my parents who are furious, but I fend off my father and say that it was my fault. My parents can't believe what they hear me say. Well, the house cleaning OCD continues on his part and I never know when he will be coming home from work or which personality will show up. I am 7 months pregnant and tired and he finally shows up from work late in the evening (with no call, mind you) so I heat up some left overs. Wrong thing to do. I wait on him hand and foot while he surfs through channels. I finally sit down on another couch and read a magazine. He throws the food on the floor and screams at me that he could have stopped at a fast food place rather than see the poor effort I put into feeding him. He tells me to stop reading the magazine and go in another room. Well, I was fine on the couch and he gets in my face like a rabid dog slobbering all over me with his finger pointing at my nose. I finally leave the room and he has the nerve to tell me that he thinks I need to go out the next day and get a full time job...at 7 months pregnant. That was the end...I moved out the next day without him knowing and file for divorce...not knowing that I can't get one while pregnant.

I never hear from him until the baby's due date gets closer, I'm sure because his mommy and sissy are insisting. Baby is finally born and I take her home to my parent's with me. He has the nerve to punch a wall because I am "stealing" his kid. 4 months later, I'm sucked back into "his" house because I feel like I can't make it financially and that the baby "needs" a father. Doesn't work out too well. He never lifted a hand to change a diaper and sleeps through just about everything and I am a complete disaster and tired. But...he still expects that 5am wake up call, breakfast to his liking and a pat on the ass out the door because he is out there "making money and pulling all the weight." The dude makes $150k and takes clients to eat all day long! He checks the mileage on my car daily to see that I've been driving 14 miles. To go get 2 tacos at a local restaurant for .99c and my favorite drink. Boy...that is making us go bankrupt. I am not allowed to go get my 2 tacos or my drink anymore and he hides my keys! I have a newborn and he takes my keys and I am 30 miles from the nearest walmart and hospital! The cleaning frenzy continues where he comes home and swipes his finger on every piece of furniture. I'm not cleaning enough...he can smell it...it doesn't smell like things have been done today. I can never measure up to being Holly Homemaker. I finally decide to take kleenex and put lysol on them and hide them behind picture frames so the smell of cleanliness was there. By this time, he still wasn't coming home and sometimes didn't. I was sleeping in the spare room with the baby and at 4pm everyday I would have diarrhea knowing he could be on his way home. And again around 11pm. Usually he saw my bathroom habits and would come "check" on me...he hated locked doors. He told me he hoped I had cancer and I needed to get off the toilet. I guess I couldn't poop when I needed to. He started to get overly picky on food, my bathroom habits, the way my hair looked, made fun of my body, told me I was nothing but a sponge off of his hard work and house.

The final straw was him yelling at me and my 2 year old hiding under the kitchen table. He didn't like a drawer in the kitchen that had all of my paper, pens ect and ripped the drawer and scattered the stuff and told me to clean it up. I had no friends and the ones I had, he had alienated me so far away from everyone. My parents had to sneak over during the day and hope to God they didn't get caught. He would call me on my cell phone from work and then use his office phone to call the house to try and hear if it rang...to see where I was. If I wasn't at home, all hell broke loose. I was living in fear and I had open sores in my mouth, my gut and I absolutely looked like those people who have been involved in an exorcism. I looked like death and I felt it. He finally decided he wanted a divorce after several nights of not coming home at all. I took him up on it.

It's been almost 3 years since we split and I still feel like a beat puppy. But the funny thing is...I don't look like an exorcism...I think it happened the day I moved out of that house. The color came back to my face, the sores in my mouth disappeared, I didn't have diarrhea (well, that took a couple months), and I looked healthy. He was the evil that was taking over my body, mind and soul. I still have fear when I hear a diesel engine behind me and sometimes I have a feeling when my parents come home that I "haven't done enough" at the house and begin to scrub fervently toilets and counters and the like. I am 31 and starting my life all over again. I am scared, scarred, healing, crying, tortured and feel like a failure to my daughter.

I see him manipulating her the same ways he did me...and continues to do me. I feel like his hold on me will never end. I may not be living there, but he still finds ways to control.

In the end, remember the old gf that his mommy loved so dearly? Well, they got engaged after 12 years of knowing each other...she waited 7yrs for him to get a divorce from me and now they're going to live happily ever after. Why didn't he just marry her to begin with?

This torments me now and I have days (like today) where I wonder why. I call myself Davy Jones (from the Pirates series) because I know Davy's pain. To love (or to think I loved) someone so much, and your heart can't bear the pain. So much that I could cut out my own heart just to get rid of the pain. I know he never loved me, but he made me think he did and I gave everything I had in myself to him only to be shit on, lied to, cheated on and thrown away like a piece of garbage. Now, the old gf gets the best of him...I see him doing things for her, buying things, she gets the part that I should have gotten...why wasn't I good enough?

Jan 27 - 1PM
wthellwasithinking
wthellwasithinking's picture

hard today

Thank you for that article. Today has been a rough day...mediation tomorrow to discuss and hopefully change some visitation schedules now that my daughter will be going to kindergarten this next year. I had some positive outlook and then last night, I started thinking about him and his new fiance (well, old gf from 10 yrs ago). Her face won't get out of my head and his "new" happy face won't either. I can't stand her, I can't stand that she is part of my daughter's life. I actually want this girl to go through what I did...I feel like I am not being the bigger person! But, she sat there and waited like a cougar (literally) crouched down in pounce position for he and I to part ways. She won't cause him any torment or make any waves...she has no family and kisses his family's asses so much I'm surprised her face isn't brown! Gee whiz...I just can't believe she waited for my marriage to fail and then steps in right where she and him left off. I hope their marriage sucks ass. But then again, she is a real "needy" person, so I'm sure she will stroke his ego just right so she can be the bottom feeder that she is. They "need" each other, obviously they can't live without one another...he should have married her to begin with and left me alone!! Sorry for the rambling, it just pains me to see them so happy together when that's all I wanted. * My name is Davy Jones * Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, then you cut your heart out... Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME! Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut out your heart?

* My name is Davy Jones *
Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, then you cut your heart out...
Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME!
Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut

Jan 28 - 6PM (Reply to #21)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Of Course You Wanted To Be Happy. Of Course It Hurts.

I can see you are bummed out, please try to hang in there. And keep busy with your daughter if possible. There's alot you can be doing with her to get her ready for Kindergarten, and get your mind off him. Yes, that is pretty much a universal fact of life, we seek to be happy, we seek a relationship with someone seeking this happiness, some of us pick the wrong person and then everything GOES TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET and we almost die by the time we finally get out. Good times!! (Not). Anyways, I have a secret for you that will make you grin. Your ex will NEVER NEVER NEVER love her the way he loved you. She is a bottom feeder, like you said. You were different, you were special, that's why he treated you like a sh*t sandwich for years trying to beat you down into submission to him. He doesnt have to beat her down as much, she's already at the bottom. It's not half as much fun for him. And by the way, poor her. Really, I just wouldnt wish him on anyone. Maybe I'd wish him on Hitler or Ghengis Khan or Ted Bundy or Charles Manson, but not many other folks! ha ha Please don't worry about them and how happy he is or he isn't. He is just SO NOT WORTH IT. You need to focus on your own peace and happiness, and the safety and happiness of your daughter. There's alot you can do with her to get her ready for kindergarten, to build her confidence. Get flashcards and have her start learning words by "sight". Here in Texas there are "High Frequency Sight Words" they learn in Kindergarten. Here is link to the CFISD website, here are those words to make flashcards for her to learn: http://www.cfisd.net/dept2/curricu/ellang/HFW%20Grades%201-%203%20Teacher%20List.pdf You will build her confidence by her knowing some of the words ahead of time, and confidence and self esteem are vital in children, to keep them out of trouble (and out of the hands of Narcissists) later in life. I speak from first hand experience on that last bit of advice!
Jan 22 - 10PM
Steph
Steph's picture

article that might help

There is an article i read called " the other woman....so now he's happy with her?". i think u might find it helpful:) sorry i don't have the link, but you should be able to google and find it. I am so sorry for the abuse you went through. I am happy that you and your daughter are out of that hell hole. You weren't thrown away, you were set free. Free to live YOUR life for YOU and for your daughter. Best wishes to you:)
Jan 22 - 11PM (Reply to #19)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

you mean this article:

http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/12/03/other-woman-now-hes-happy-her ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 20 - 8PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

why wasn't I good enough?

You were way to good for him, in fact so much better than him that he couldnt stand you because of it, because he is so repulsive himself let him have the old 7 year GF, they always need to have a back up to run away to, they always run from the truth when it hurts them. What a piece of garbage, no more hiding under the table, you stand ON TOP OF TABLES from now on and kick these losers in the face.
Jan 20 - 8PM (Reply to #16)
no more
no more's picture

I was an EX

I was an EX with my last N. I let myself be HIS backup NS, someone to run away with. I am not proud of the fact that I did this with the same N TWICE. We are beggars for punishment someitimes aren't we girls? I am soooooooooooo glad that I was stong enough this time to get out while I was ahead. I will stand ON TOP OF TABLES from now on and kick their asses to the curb.

I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.

Jan 21 - 5PM (Reply to #17)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

never be left overs for anyone

I did some things too for mine, lowered myself and my dignity to be 2nd, remember we should always come 1st and if they cant give us that to hell with them I would rather be alone than be treated like someones left overs, its a hard lesson but we have to love ourselves enough to say NO MORE - dont worry whoever he is with will be treated the same as they treated us, we just wont see it but you can count on it, hope she sees the truth before it destroys her life.
Jan 18 - 6PM
Ellen
Ellen's picture

Awful

Hi, This is just awful, this man is a total abuser to put it lightly. I wouldn't be letting my daughter go there. What if she has all the same feeling inside that you had knowing that he was coming home. How will that make her grow up feeling about what it is like to be around men. She deserves better. I just cannot see what she can gain from him. She already sounds frightened.
Jan 18 - 9PM (Reply to #13)
wthellwasithinking
wthellwasithinking's picture

Very Lightly

Yes, beyond the NPD he is a monster, a liar, a cheat, a demon, a manipulator and much more. I just don't know what to do with the court system being the way it is. He charms his way in to court and wins the hearts and minds of all in his presence. I would love for her not to go over there, but he would put me in jail in a heart beat and try every which way to make me look bad, like an uncooperative and alienating parent. He disgusts me, it disgusts me to call over and speak to my daughter and hear her wanting to come home and nothing that I can do about it...bc there is no talking or reasoning with him. He's always right and it's always that the child is making up stories. He already has her doubting herself. Makes me sick...I wish he would focus his attention on his new life and new woman, but that would mean his facade of being a good father would be seen by all. Of course, it would be all my fault, right?! It always has been!! * My name is Davy Jones * Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, and then you cut your heart out... Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME! Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut your heart out?

* My name is Davy Jones *
Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, then you cut your heart out...
Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME!
Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut

Jan 19 - 6PM (Reply to #14)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

control

Hi, Just don't let him control you. You don't have to listen to her on the phone not wanting to be there do you. Are women so scared in the US of this parental alienation theory. It'a another man made piece of bull that is a way to bully women and permits the abuse to continue. Apparently they give the children to child molesters..........thats a system that works then!
Jan 18 - 6AM
grossot
grossot's picture

WTHell

You should call yourself Cinderella. I am appalled at what he put you through. Everytime I read a story on here I think I won't be surprised at what I read. And every time, I am. You have lived through Hell, haven't you? But this is the beginning of your life now. 31 is so young. You can enjoy being single or meet your prince charming someday. Prince charming does not not treat his significant other like a slave he can beat. As for the gf, she is scrubbing his toilets and getting physically ill everytime he comes home. Just like you, she will lie about the bruises. It only LOOKS like she's getting the good parts. He still wants to emotional bruise, isolate and control you. And this is one way he thinks he can do it. Hold your head high. Love your daughter more each. Disten to what she has to say. Comfort her. Pray for her protection. Be her constant so she knows she has a loving home to belong to. Here's to you and your journey. You deserve a sweet, happy ending. http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled
Jan 18 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
wthellwasithinking
wthellwasithinking's picture

We'll see

Thank you. I have lived through hell with Satan himself by my side. I swear when I wrote that I looked like I needed an exorcism, that I really looked like an evil spirit had taken over my body and I physically looked ill (along with my insides being twisted and gutted). The moment I packed the Uhaul and closed the door to that house, I truly believe the evil spirit left my body. All of the "ailments" I had while I was in that house suddenly disappeared and I haven't had a sore in my mouth in 3 years. I had a real life exorcism the day I left. He is a demon in human form to say the least. Looking back at photos of myself through those years, I don't see a twinkle in my eyes even when I was smiling. The only positive thing through all of my hell is my daughter, my beautiful and innocent baby. There was a plan even through the wreckage. She was to be my little savior, to help me keep going, to give me something to live for. Even though he will be a demon until the day he dies, I will never give up on her and I will tell her everyday how much she is loved by me...and she will feel it to be true. My journey continues, I hope that this one terrible experience will not close doors to another man somewhere down the road. I can very well see myself being single and quite possibly never remarrying. But, only time will tell. I can't imagine it at this time. I don't trust the trash man or the mail man...I trust nobody with a wanker between his legs. Thank you for your support. I can't thank this website enough or the women who courageously tell war story after war story...battles, bloody battles. I got out, I survived...now the surviving after the storm is the hardest. * My name is Davy Jones * Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, and then you cut your heart out... Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME! Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut

* My name is Davy Jones *
Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, then you cut your heart out...
Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME!
Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut

Jan 17 - 10PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

WTHell

I can so feel your pain by reading your story. It hurts so bad, I know. You feel so used & disposed of like yesterday's garbage. You are still so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Try to get some kind of counseling, remember that it was never your fault (he's a piece of shit!), & don't make it easy for him to see the baby. Try to communicate with him by emails & texting so u can have proof of any threats that u can use against him in the future. Are u in the US?
Jan 18 - 1AM (Reply to #7)
wthellwasithinking
wthellwasithinking's picture

so young?!?! ;-)

I don't feel so young anymore!! The life has been sucked out of me and I look back at photos and see a youthful girl full of life. And to compare side by side photos of myself now, I can see a girl that has been sent to the wringer. Amazing what stress can do to the body. I am in Texas...Houston. Native for 31 years! I am assuming you are as well? I have done the whole counseling bit, done it with my Pastor, and nobody seems to get it or get me for that matter. I am going to use Barbara's suggestion and try to find a specific counselor. I don't have $150 or more to shell out every time I see someone and that's why I had to stop going to my last therapist. NPD is just not that well known or understood in the psychology world or how they can help people who have been victims. It's so frustrating for me to hear my friends and peers tell me I just need to let go and move on...they just don't understand how deep this has affected me. They don't understand the pain I feel every time my daughter has to leave to go with him. To hear her say on phone calls that she so badly wants Mommy and him doing nothing but holding her hostage for his own agenda. Grrrr! Thanks for the well wishes and encouragement. I have been on a blogging and journaling escapade today and it feels good! * I dodged a bullet *

* My name is Davy Jones *
Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, then you cut your heart out...
Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME!
Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut

Jan 18 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

WTHell

I'm in New Braunfels!...I had never heard of "narcissist" before. My sister said she thought her bf was a N. After i read about it, I thought i was goin to fall to the floor! He had all the traits! (I have 3 sisters that live in Houston!)
Jan 18 - 3PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

wthellwasithinking & TexN

if you both write me and tell me its ok - I will share each others information. Tex - WTH could use YOUR lawyer!! big time!! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 17 - 10PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

WTHell

I can so feel your pain by reading your story. It hurts so bad, I know. You feel so used & disposed of like yesterday's garbage. You are still so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Try to get some kind of counseling, remember that it was never your fault (he's a piece of shit!), & don't make it easy for him to see the baby. Try to communicate with him by emails & texting so u can have proof of any threats that u can use against him in the future. Are u in the US?
Jan 17 - 8PM
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Dear Davy Jones - The World Needs You, Girlfriend

Dear "What The Hell Was I Thinking" also known as "Davy Jones"....... :) Thank you so much for your courage in sharing your story here. Every time I read a story around here, I am amazed. That's because, I realize again, and again, and again, and again, AND AGAIN, - that I am not alone. You are living proof, that there are many many others out there like you, and like me, who have experienced hell in a relationship, and lived to tell about it. So many others havent even lived to tell their story. Thank God, we are the lucky ones, by comparison. I am so glad you escaped from that living hell in Crazyland and got your daughter out, too. And your parents. Amazing how far reaching it all becomes and how many peoples lives are ruined, by Narcisissts and Psychopaths. I hope you take all the advice in Barbara's comments for you here. You have come to the right place to heal. Remember, healing is a lifelong process. Getting healed to the point that you can experience peace, and perhaps even happiness, - that is a gift available to you that you can give yourself. I hope someday you experience peace and happiness, and having gained all the wisdom you have now regarding how bad a relationship with the wrong man can become, I hope you eventually have faith in yourself to choose a good man, an honest man, kind, loving, gentle - someone who you can share your life with and that you will experience the wonderful experience within a relationship that we all here are seeking to find, eventually. By the way, don't feel weird about comparing yourself to Davy Jones. For over a decade, I would tell people I felt much like John McCain had while he was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. I really identified with his experience, I could relate, and it was about all I could relate to in this world. God bless you, hang in there, and be kind and forgiving to yourself while on this journey of healing and learning, called "life".
Jan 17 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
wthellwasithinking
wthellwasithinking's picture

Davy Jones is Alive and Well!

Thank you so much! It's always so encouraging to hear words of other women who have the exact same feelings and have been through hell. To know that I am not alone and that it wasn't my fault and that I am not the scum under someone's feet is a great feeling. I feel your pain like John McCain...and nobody around me understands why I call myself Davy Jones...or understand why Davy Jones cut out his own heart and hid it so he wouldn't have to see it or feel it anymore. It's the only analogy that I can come up with or identify with to show people that I really do have so much pain and that I suffered greatly for 7 years...and will continue to suffer because I have a child with this person of no heart or soul. Thank you for replying to my sharing story...I need all the help and encouragement I can get. When my pain levels rise, I know I can come here and people "get" where I'm coming from! xoxo Davy * I dodged a bullet *

* My name is Davy Jones *
Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, then you cut your heart out...
Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME!
Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut

Jan 17 - 7PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Welcome wthellwasithinking

Welcome... get into therapy with a TRAUMA COUNSELOR IMMEDIATELY!!! - call a DV Center if you need to get an advocate ASAP to get this man completely out of your life - NOW. They can help you formulate a safety/ exit plan - take some free consults with TOUGH TOUGH attorneys. TOUGH ONES only!! Find out your options. Hire the biggest bulldog you can! You WILL need it! - PLEASE take the time to go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT BEFORE you ask questions. - PLEASE read the stories of others on SHARE YOUR STORY. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do! Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. It will also help you see the pattern of their INCURABLE PATHOLOGY!!! - PLEASE take the time to read through our WHOLE blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing. Pay attention to the BEING UNDER HIS 'SPELL' article. It was not you - it was HIM!!!! - listen to our free radio shows - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's obviously left you with!! Get to a PTSD/ trauma counselor ASAP!!!!! You will need support & help from a professional. Please get it ASAP. You have PTSD from what I can tell. YOU did nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong. It is HIM who is NOT HUMAN!!!
Jan 18 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

wthehellwasIthinking,,reminder for us all,,

Your story touches us all, you have put EVERYTHING into a relationship you thought, hoped, and prayed would work..You sacraficed. You gave in to him (RED FLAG)you were a 'good wife' according to what you thought was necessary to save and successfully fulfill a marriage,,and more so,, your happy and best future. Your story, and everyone elses on here shows us that WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES. When faced with a controlling man,, not just a controlling man, but a disordered N, sociopath, we have to break free of their control, however tough it is on us...and free ourselves from their toxic thinking and attempts to control us and our behaviors. We have GOT to find space,, always that we call our own,, that we 'OWN' in a relationship. It is ours. Our families,,if healthy,,will let us have it. The N,,very very sick (OMG) will NOT let us have it,,our space, health, at all costs. We have got to do something everyday,,that is nourishing, and helps us take care of ourselves, and affirms this as right and good. I am so sorry that we have had to go through this incredible blasphemy,,let us regain our peace.