Lisa E. Scott

Withholding sex

Withholding sex
Posted Mon, 01/11/2010 - 14:09

My narc towards the end of our relationship use to with hold sex and tell me that he didnt fancy me one day and then be all over me the next , it was very confusing behaviour as i have never heard of a man with holding sex as a form of manipulation and control . There is something really sinister about a man who does this . I was brought up in a very puritan family and culture and was told always that "nice girls didnt enjoy sex" and that "nice girls never asked for sex" They certainly never pleaded for sex! This programming is still with me to a degree so with my narc with holding had an extra dimention of abuse to it because if i asked for it i would then became a "slut" . I hated that feeling and i know that times have moved on blah blah but really have they moved on that far? I just wondered if anyone could identify with this .
Scoop x

‹ People Pleasers are Prime Targets for Abusers I need your advice ›

frustrating

Tue, 03/16/2010 - 14:37 — Scooters Mom

Mine would not have sex but would look at porn and stopped coming to bed and started sleeping on the love seat. He had a million reasons why and they all seemed to be caused by me. He said because I left the phone on his side of the bed once or the bed was uncomfortable or he liked to watch T.V. and fall asleep When I get out of bed in the morning he would go in there to sleep.I fixed every problem that he said caused him not to sleep in the bed and he would just create a new problem. He said that he looked at porn and masturbated because it was easier, just to get it over with and go on with his day. Ugh, so selfish.

yep

Tue, 03/16/2010 - 19:42 — Nothanx

Same exact story. My knee hurts, I have a stomach ache, it's too hot,I'm too tire, I already took a shower and I don't want to get ookie, I only like to do it in the morning (of course I was asleep in the morning and he didn't want to wake me), he is too drunk, Or my favorite he hasn't had enough to drink!!!! Then out to the sofa for a night of porn and jacking off. He would come to bed at like 3am after he knew I was asleep. This made me so confused and feel so sexually unattractive, I cringe at the thought of going back to that. That is an awful way to live...and I am by no means a nymphomaniac, just a few times a week and I am good, so not like I was hounding him all the time.

sex

Wed, 03/17/2010 - 21:13 — enoughalready

I really don't know what happened in regards to our sex life. It was the best I ever had. We had sex 4-5 times a week for the first year, then it tapered to 2 times a week then once a week the 4th year. Our last year was about once every 2 weeks. I don't know whether it was the meds he was taking for ulcerative colitis or cheating on me. I think it was both. He too, could not keep an erection the last 2 yrs. I thought I just didn't do it for him anymore. Or his penis had erection issues. As he always said before "things get old after awhile"as he spoke about his ex's. I guess he needed a new source of supply. He had tons of playboy magazines and enjoyed checking out every woman on earth. That was always a relationship deal breaker for me, as to why it took me 5 yrs to leave the pathetic loser is beyond me. My mind becomes clearer each day.

it's ALL his problem - NOTHING at all to do with you

Wed, 03/17/2010 - 21:18 — Barbara

classic Narc's Madonna/Whore Syndrome

Listen: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim/2009/07/23/the-narcissists-mado...

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

stellabobella

Tue, 03/16/2010 - 16:06 — Barbara

he said
he said

LIAR LIAR... HIS JUNK'S ON FIRE...

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

all part of the game....

Wed, 03/17/2010 - 04:07 — narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

-----mine started it on our wedding night...before i figured out what a piece of shit he is...and that it was all a game..i insisted he go to a doctor...he came in with 500 bucks worth of testosterone gel that was supposed to rub on his chest every morning. next day i found it hidden in the trash. he had no interest in sex,and he didn't want to have any interest in sex. this bastard considered himself a MACHINE..textbook case of superiority.... he was far above HUMAN BEINGS;having no interest in sex made him SUPERIOR..and if pushed he would say so. he's the quintessentioal street whore,does it strictly for gain but hates every minute of it.
My blog

withholding sex - asexual

Wed, 03/17/2010 - 18:36 — Barbara

having no interest in sex made him SUPERIOR

Same with exNH and the Sociopath I dated for 3 years in undergrad school... made it look like there was something HORRIBLE wrong with ME - not them.

It's like a badge of honor... zero sex drive.

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

Asexual

Wed, 03/17/2010 - 20:41 — Nothanx

In the beginning he was a total horn dog! He wanted to do it all the time, but it took forever for him to have an orgasm. It would get to the point that I would have played all my tricks and he still couldn't get off. In the end, he always had to jack off. I just thought he had been single for such a long time that he had gotten used to doing it himself. The problem for me came a little later in the relationship, after I was already "hooked", he started saying things like "well if you would wear sexy lingerie" or "I really like small boobs". He started blaming me to hide his problem with chronic, excessive porn and masturbation. Then he just flat told me sex is just too much work and that he doesn't like to get all ookie (his actual word). I honestly did not believe him, I chose to believe that I was flawed. It was just so unheard of that a man would think sex was a chore! My first husband and I had problems on the other end of the spectrum, because I was the one who never wanted to do it (not an excuse, but I had babies and i just felt too tired for sex). In fact that is the main reason my first husband left me for another woman. By the time my narc came around I was determined to make sex a priority...What a joke!

RAISING MY HAND......

Fri, 03/12/2010 - 14:57 — narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

-----mine started withholding sex on our wedding night!!..it was one of his favorite forms of torture until i came to totally loathe him...and then..when i would have rather had sex with a donkey on a carnival stage than have it with HIM...he was all over me...found out from his exwife that he pulled the same crap with her...and that he did it to an ex girlfriend when he was still in his early 20's...and now he's withheld sex for so long...and sucked hot vodka for so long...and used so many drugs for so long..now i doubt he could get it up to snare and new victim so he could withhold yet again......
they're all TRASH...
My blog

Then It Wasn't Me!

Fri, 03/12/2010 - 14:38 — seancunningham

Whew, after reading these posts, I thought it was me that was at fault. All sex came to a screeching halt....except when he wanted to get off. My needs came last. Definite sign of incompatibility!!

sean - it's NOT you.

Fri, 03/12/2010 - 17:23 — Barbara

sean - trust me it was NOT YOU.

I had a fairly normal sex life with exNH until about year 6 or 7. Then holding hands was WIERD, kissing was WIERD, spooning was WIERD, touching was WIERD, hugging was WIERD and sex? FORGET IT!!!

I was deep in infertility treatments by then and made it my fault that we had to have scheduled sex. He was so "supportive" (NOT) we'd have sex and he'd say "there's your deposit now LEAVE ME ALONE!" I convinced myself the treatments were stressing him out. I even joined an online group for "Sexless Marriages."

After I had kids I'd gained a lot of weight from all the treatments and I was disabled - but still NOTHING!!!!!! he REFUSED to initiate... and was demeaning and called me a nympho if I even ASKED for it. Then Psycho-Boy came along and exNH dragged me to Marriage Counseling (I'd tried to take him numerous times) to a b*tch*ss of a counselor who told ME to "lose weight" and "get over my disability" and MAYBE he'd "love me again." By that time I no longer loved him and I wanted out and told her so.

I also told her about the abuse in clear terms. She told me that my "therapist wasn't doing a very good job" and that "abuse is JUST a buzzword." I walked and reported her and filed for divorce immediately, with no money - found a lawyer that made him pay for a lot of it.

I know I'll never have sex again. But that's ok. More for you all...

there was a time when I just prayed exNH would be into men, poultry, goats, porn, etc. Nope. NOTHING. NADA. He even refuses to masturbate and has told his doctor that so I know he doesn't. He's an INTELLECTUAL Narc and asexual. Zero sex drive... nothing. Hormones FINE... works out like fiend. No drugs. Just nothing.

I beat myself up for years. No more. It's him... he's a Narc and f-d in the head.

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

Mine was Somatic

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 08:16 — seancunningham

My N was a somatic narcissist. Meaning he couldn't get enough sex. I didn't realize this until the end. He was probably on the prowl without my knowledge. At the very end, he said he was addicted. I believe it.

They substitute sex for love. Because they feel no love. Each sex partner is a fix for them. They see sex as a means to an end. They get the supply they crave, yet there's no intimacy involved. We're not dealing with ordinary individuals. They are sex machines that have one intent, getting satisfied sexually with no strings. They talk a good game, but when it comes time to putting it into practice, they can't sustain a normal relationship.

I look back at all the times he was missing, late, or was just too tired to do anything. It all adds up. What a lonely life, wondering where your next fix is coming from. I was a good stand by, a constant source of supply for his ego. He hated to be alone. I read that they hate solitude....as they despise their own company. Being alone brings back past feelings of inadequacy.

Mine

Wed, 03/17/2010 - 15:31 — rache

was a limp d..ked somatic/psychopath.He would have sex once and it would be ok,then,he would NOT get turned on enough to keep it up after that -i think he wanted the excitement of new women daily.He would go to the mall and stare like the predator he is at young teenage girls.Said i wish i had gotten you when YOU were young-i am 13 years younger than the OLD douche bag.

the other end of the spectrum...

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 08:55 — narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

-----the psychonarc is the complete opposite...but he is a PSYCHOPATH...he wants to be alone...if i had ten bucks for every time i ever heard him say.'i want to be alone'.'leave me alone'.or 'i need my privacy'..i'd be richer than bill gates..any human contact for the psychonarc is a CHORE..and he does it only to get something..money, sympathy, etc..he despises everyone and everything...he is the consumate predator and everyone and everyhing is viewed as prey...up to and including his own parents and children..
he's a parasite...and therefore must have a host..but he despises his host, and seeks to destroy it..
and he fails to see irony in this..because Narcs and Psychopaths have no concept of irony......
My blog

That Was Insightful

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 21:21 — ForeverLearning

I just keep learning something new every day around here. Thanks for all the insight, I am always amazed at how their brains work.

Thanks Barbara

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 07:10 — seancunningham

That was the tip-off. If you think there's something wrong, there probably is. I denied it to myself, made excuses and just took it in stride. Listen to your gut instinct. We are all objects that are created to suit the N's needs. How clear that's become. How do you miss what you never had with them? I saw what was happening and played the game, until I saw the opportunity to abandon him. I think he saw that I was not going to be manipulated like that, and I was written off.

I think I'm shocked that I was right in my assumption. Yes, I was swept into it at the beginning. But when the mask slipped, I knew I was dealing with a madman. In the dark, he had a different look. I can't explain it. It wasn't the person I was familiar with. It was evil. I remember thinking that one night and it gave me the creeps. The voice was even different. I'm so happy I had the sense to leave. Trust yourself....you'll never go wrong.

Sean

Wed, 03/17/2010 - 19:49 — rache

I truely believe they are DEMON POSSESSED! mines face would change to even look demonic._not that he looked good to begin with.Talk about ~SPELL/HYPNOSIS~

Sometimes In The Dark They Look Mean / Annoyed / Creepy

Sun, 03/14/2010 - 11:12 — ForeverLearning

I experienced that too, they look different in the dark sometimes. No need to have the nice face on anymore I guess is what they are thinking. Or could be when they are in a sexual mood, they focus on the sex and forget to mask their facial expressions - and the bad intent in their minds becomes evident on their faces. Either way I've seen this too.

Mean look

Sun, 03/14/2010 - 11:33 — Nothanx

One time my narc fell asleep on my couch, and as it was getting late and I lived with my Mom at the time, so I tried to wake him up by kinda tickle/poking him (gently). He woke up briefly with an evil glare in his eyes and warned me to leave him alone and let him sleep. I thought he was just a little grouchy, so I continued to get him to wake up. Also, I was getting really irritated because he was overstaying his welcome and I was getting nervous that my mom would get a bad impression from him (she already did not like him very much). When he finally woke up he took the finger I was poking him with and bent it back really far! I said "Stop, you are going to break my finger!" but he just pushed it back further. He had a terrible, evil, non human look in his eyes, and he said "I warned you to let me sleep". He then really quickly snapped out of it and stormed out of the house, leaving me in shock. Of course, the next day he was all charming and explained that he "HATES" to be woken up. Well I don't like to be woken up either, but I don't try to physically hurt anyone!

A Great Test To See If They Are A Narc

Sun, 03/14/2010 - 20:59 — ForeverLearning

Perhaps we've stumbled on a quick and easy test to see if they are a Narc - wake them up from sleep and see how angry/ aggressive they become.

His mask was definitely OFF, and you saw his true colors.

Denial

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 22:01 — enoughalready

That's right, I was in denial for 5 yrs. The first 3 yrs- I was in la-la land, last 2 yrs, I felt something wasn't quite right. I couldn't figure out why he couldn't talk about anything on a deep level. I started catching the lies, the inconsistencies of his words, the broken promises/empty words and yet he was sly enough to worm his way out of it with all the narc learned messed up defenses. I've been finding out more lies each day making me feel more stupid than I already do, if that's possible. Every little thing has been a lie. He was the master of deception and a pathological liar- I only wish the worst for him!! The NC thing doesn't seem to justify any type of punishment. He's out there fooling someone else and having a great time doing it. How sickening is that? Now I know how it feels to really hate someone!!!

the face of evil.....

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 07:44 — narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

i hear you, Sean...when you're sane and human, the idea that the thing you are dating/married to/living with is a MONSTER is as alien and the monster is...it doesn't compute..until you are SHOWN otherwise...and then it is shocking and sickening to see what lies beneath the mask...i'm glad you got out when you did...evil does exist..and it doesn't have to be wearing a red cape and horns...the psychonarc was a wolf in Ralph Lauren clothing....
My blog

Men Withholding Sex

Tue, 01/12/2010 - 15:02 — ForeverLearning

Yes for years I thought I was the problem when he had no sex drive.

Then I thought maybe he was gay (lots of male drinking buddies).

Bottom line was he liked to hurt me by not having sex.

And it did hurt me, made me feel unwanted, unloved, undesireable, ugly, and no good in the sack.

But none of that was true.

The truth was it was him abusing me in any way he could, short of actually hitting me.

Anything he could do so he would feel good, and I would feel bad.

At least NOW I know what was going on for all those years.

Thought he was gay

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 12:08 — Nothanx

I too was totally confused about the weird withholding stuff. In the beginning he wanted to have sex all the time. I would stop by his place for a quick lunch, and he would practically attack me! That is why it was so weird when he could almost never have an orgasm (unless he masturbated). I started to think maybe he was a closet homosexual! My brother is gay, so I would ask him all the time if he thought it was possible that my narc could be fighting his true sexual identity. My brother, as well as his partner, both think that if you are trying to keep your sexual orientation a secret or throw people off the track you are likely to be overly flirtatious with women, and my narc was way over the top with flirting. He would do it right in front of me at the store, or anywhere for that matter. I even brought my narc to a get-together that my brother and his gay friends were at to have them judge his sexuality vibe. All the "gays" that were there said they got no gay vibe from him, so now I was even more puzzled than before! As it turned out he was a huge porn addict and spent most of his free time jacking off, so when it came time to have real sex he just could not finish the job! He was just so used up from his sick self love habits. Of course, I felt that it was my fault that he could not get off, and that it was because he thinks I am unattractive. What was really going on with all the flirting with other women and making me feel ugly is that he was trying to hide is weird appetite for his own hand! I also found out that he took his self love to the extreme by wearing womens lingerie! He is just a total freak. The scary thing is that he looks really normal and comes across as normal but just kinda quirky. I knew there was something "off" about him, but I just thought he was a little socially uncomfortable.

i thought my ex was gay too...

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 21:48 — aceonelady

When i was omn the phone with my ex N he entice me to an orgasm at least 2 times a day,saying all the stuff he couldn,t wait to do with me,the things that turned him on etc....we were having a long distance relationship for almost 2 years he called me everyday for hours on skype,even weekends ,saturdays ,never missed 1 day...When i got there (USA) from Europe to be with him for 3 months after all the time we had sex twice,he couldn;t keep an erection the first time,but he said is not you honey is that i haven't made love for a long time...The second time he did keep it for about 3 minutes...eeverything went fast,fast i had to hurry up no foreplay ,nothing...when he was done he got up and went smoke and told me he was glad,he thought was one of those times that he couldn't keep it up...and that i was just too much,worst than a pornstar...And thats all igot from him ,the first 48 hours from my arrival...the next day he became very withdrawn,yhe day after he said he didn,t want to be with me anymore,but we could stay friends...And then the next 2 moths was sheer hell...push and pull i wanted to go back to Europe and he told me :see,you don't get what you want so you leave ...2 months later i went back home ...I knew he was porn addict and masturbated watching porn i even offered to watch with him(crazy me then) and he said no...We slept on the same bed for 2 moths he never touched me again...One saturday morning he went to work ,i called him,one guy answered his cell and said L cannot answer the phone right now...when he came i asked him who was that,he said maybbe i dialed the wrong number....

ANYSexuals

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 23:22 — Barbara

Sexual Narcs are, imho - ANYSexuals... they'll screw ANYTHING. The same percentage of gay and lesbian persons are Ns as heteros...

you know I remember PRAYING my exNH was gay so at least I knew he had a sex drive. THAT I could live with. What I could NOT live with was THE ICE MAN.

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

It's A Shame It Takes So Long To Figure Them Out

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 21:25 — ForeverLearning

They are such bizarre beasts and its a shame it takes so much time to figure out what the hell is going on with them and get some answers to all the pain and suffering endured.

Thank you for the insight from your situation. I will never understand, them choosing masturbation over sex.

I guess they are such lazy and insecure assclowns, is why.

ForeverLearning

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 23:35 — Barbara

I will never understand, them choosing masturbation over sex

Come on - this one's easy! It's the closest they get to have sex with themselves!!! The ultimate Narc turn on!!!

Psycho-Boy was obsessed with sending photos of his junk and live-action movies to his victims. One of his exes got so angry she posted one of his movies (WARNING!! GRAPHIC!!! http://www.yuvutu.com/index.php?name=Video&op=view&video_id=168630&proce... )

WTF!! she told me he sent it to her to "prove his love." GROSS!!!

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

My old psychopath

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 23:32 — rache

sounded like he was beating a flabby piece of chicken skin on his leg-worst sex ever.

It was always a major ordeal

Tue, 01/12/2010 - 16:15 — TexN

To even get to that point. Between trying to juggle the kids and getting them to bed, to him not having showered after work and falling asleep on the living room floor, to him saying, "I always have to ask you for it". Well, whenever I did initiate it, he had more excuses than a woman "with a headache!" It was always one thing or another. By the time I knew it, months had passed with no sex! And of course, it was always my fault it never happened! OR the famous line, "All you ever want is sex!" Hello Dumbshit?! I am alive, I still have a pulse & its been freakin months since he touched me! Geez, thank God those days are over! He can wack off all he wants now! Lol!

We can ALL relate...

Mon, 01/11/2010 - 17:38 — Barbara

http://allabouthim.com/withholding/

~~~~~~~~~
The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

Yup

Mon, 01/11/2010 - 19:38 — SerenityNow (not verified)

This article really hit home with all the games my NF likes to play. Thanks again.

And, yes... it was my experience that at the end of our relationship my ExN withheld sex. He had no problems initiating, but whenever I did he got this pouty 3-yr old look on his face and told me he was too depressed... even on my birthday!!

Scoop

Mon, 01/11/2010 - 14:39 — Ellen

Hi,

Yes coming from an impotence point of view i know what feeling undesirable is about.

I ended up wanting to discuss and then feeling ugly about myself. It was such a horrid feeling. I could never instigate cos it made me feel bad. I'm so glad i don't have to worry about that anymore.

I owed him

Fri, 03/12/2010 - 21:19 — becoming sane

It became more difficult for him to maintain an erection and if he didn't get off I " owed him one "...I figure he "owes" me about 10,000 by now lol .

Titillating then disappearing

Fri, 03/12/2010 - 22:17 — wallaby

Mine (who I never slept with but had a 2.5 year very intense emotional affair with as he was/is married), had a knack at getting me all lathered up with graphic sex talk (and of separating from his wife...) and then calling the night abruptly to an end to an end. He would also ply me with alcohol. When I would try to maintain appropriate boundaries and behavior had a way of graphically talking about sex. Also when I would say "no more" to alcohol, he would always buy me another and say something to the bartender/waiter like "she's behaving far too responsibly, don't listen to her she needs another". He would touch me in ways when we were out - putting his hands around my hips, leaning in close etc and then "see ya". Everyone (i.e. waiters, store clerks) would mistake us for lovers.

For a long time I was just driven wild in anticipation of the act - now knowing all I have read here - I bet he had ED. What better way to torture me AND have the moral high ground (hasn't separated quite yet so cant have affair as he is SO MORAL) AND cover up his impotence. Loser. SO glad I never begged for it or pursued him for sex. Yuch. God it was so painful for so long though -such feelings of unrequited sexual longing. Talk about a tease. He definitely is a seducer and "dangler" - kept me dangling with my unfulfilled needs. ANd, of course, with all the work he put into keeping me in a state of drooling suspension, I found it very hard to find ANY other man desirable. I mean George Clooney could have asked me out and he would have been a disappointment to me!

wallaby

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 00:45 — Barbara

For a long time I was just driven wild in anticipation of the act - now knowing all I have read here - I bet he had ED. What better way to torture me AND have the moral high ground (hasn't separated quite yet so cant have affair as he is SO MORAL) AND cover up his impotence...

God it was so painful for so long though -such feelings of unrequited sexual longing. Talk about a tease. He definitely is a seducer and "dangler" - kept me dangling with my unfulfilled needs. And, of course, with all the work he put into keeping me in a state of drooling suspension,

EXACTLY the same with Psycho-Boy. We had been intimate back in our teens and it was nothing to write home about then... other than him causing me to bleed from internal bruising and then getting ANGRY that bled on his comforter in addition to never BOTHERING the next day to see if I was even o.k. He was pretty tame. Even a bit lame.

Fast forward 27 years and it was allllll talk... he avoided seeing me despite being sometimes MINUTES from me with talk of how he "couldn't control himself if he saw me." I know now this was backward NLP to get ME to be 'out of control.' Then of course he told my friends I was a stalker and obsessed with him!! LOL

He complained vehemently & repeatedly how his wife was BORING in bed, etc... now I see his rampant Viagra use (he told me he needed it just to be with his DISAPPOINTING wife) was due to his Madonna/Whore syndrome and escalating use of hard core porn, sex chats, phone sex and high-price escorts.

I even became personna non grata when my exNH found out and it INCONVENIENCED HIM (he could have cared less I was getting slapped around by exNH for even talking to him).

Of course he had E.D. - diabetic, sex addict and drooling perverted Sociopath. He would get peeved when I said no to his requests - which got pervier all the time; the begging for photos of my breasts and genitals... and how he only wanted to be with me JUST ONCE. He expected some porn star antics but then he realized I was NORMAL. So he went on to my friends!!!

ALL TALK... even in his hooker reviews its easy to see how the escort/hooker did all the work - and he just participated in the games. Truly SICK!

wallaby - these guys would have been huge letdowns for us. They had us so brainwashed and so 'under their spell' that it would have taken time but we would have realized our knights in shining armor were losers in used tin foil for sure.

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

Barbara - they are Terrible Twins!!!

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 03:16 — wallaby

So similar- and I had read your story and remembered that you had slept with him in college and had bled all over, and how uncaring he was. PIG. God they use that NLP to really program us - in your case to "try again".

I wish I had not sent mine nude photos upon his request. And now looking back (having so many flashbacks now I am processing his all) - when I asked them if he liked the two photos (and I have a very nice figure) he said "Well you do have beautiful breasts, but I am not a breast man". What a jerk. He couldn't just leave it at a compliment. So I asked him if he did not like breasts, "Okay what kind of man are you?" But, see, he realized he couldn't answer that and disappoint me as he wanted to as I have a nice round butt, fine legs, flat stomach, curvy hips etc. There really is nothing to complain about and seem reasonable - so he thrashed around for a minute- and ended up saying - "I am attracted to a woman's mind". Asshole - he knew he could beat me on that one - he's got 5 million advanced degrees, 10 honorary doctorates and can destroy women's minds...

One of the recent times we were out he was telling me about his ex-girlfriend the Playboy model and how she had looked him up recently (had to let me know she's still hooked on him... his sexual prowess I'm sure) and what a sorry drug-addicted state she was in. I really didn't react much (as I really have lost my jealousy charge with him much to his dismay I'm sure), except to say I was sorry for her to be in such a bad state. Later, as he was kissing me goodnight (peck on cheek) he slipped a paper into my hand. It had a woman's name on it. I looked at him quizzically, "What is that?". He said "Oh it's my ex-girflriend the Playboy bunny I told you about, I thought you'd want to google her and you'd need her name...". WEIRD POMPOUS JERK. I said, "when did you write that on the paper - I mean we've been together all night." I was so confused. He said he wrote it when I had gone to the bathroom earlier. Perverse idiot. I actually spontaneously laughed as it was so clearly weird and pathological and I said, "no actually I'm not interested in googling her". My heartfelt surprise, confusion, disinterest in her, and looking at him as if he was some kind of sick alien was apparent to him and I actually saw him, for one of those rare times, fidget with discomfort.

F you and your advanced freaking degrees your haughty highness.

Psycho-Boy II. God we could make one nasty horror film with this pair of mind-fu**ers!!!!!

That Piece Of Paper Says It All

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 21:36 — ForeverLearning

That piece of paper says it all - this man, ON THAT PIECE OF EVIDENCE ALONE, has been F*CKING with your mind the whole time.

That is sadistic.

And twisted.

Your Narc REALLY HATES women!

Maybe that's why his wife wants to become a nun - to go someplace there are no men. I'll be 30 years with him has almost destroyed her. That poor woman.

The other thing that struck me was he said he was attracted to a woman's mind. Sounds like only to f*ck with her mind. Very sadistic. And so why did he want the nude pics of you? To have power over you I am sure. To make you squirm down the road, knowing you gave them to him. Don't feel bad, it has happened to the best of us. You are not alone in this creepiness! I think it is happening exponentially over the last decade, as more and more men's sexuality becomes increasingly warped due to internet porn and dating websites - access to fresh victims. I really hate that thought.

You are SO RIGHT

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 21:57 — wallaby

about all you said, and I can't believe I was so muddled about it all for so long. Thank god to have some clarity on it now, though. ANd this site has helped SO much. And yes I do worry that he did not delete the pictures as he said he did.

I agree about his wife - she really is a shell of a person - it's sad and creepy. Like there is no one home but a plastered on "nice" face. And I see her trying to socially make p for his extreme self-centerdness. She is thrashed. She should go in a convent - get away from this parasite. And she got an MBA from Stanford in business and now has nothing but this creep and two grown kids - the oldest who is REPLICA of his dad - total N. I have had fantasies about sending an anonymous letter to her in the mail saying "learn all you can about NPD as your husband has it- it's devastating for all around him - best wishes to you". I think that may be too weird though. I have more pity and compassion for her daily as I learn more and more. He has used her up.

wallaby - here's an idea

Sat, 03/13/2010 - 23:24 — Barbara

buy her Lisa's book.
mail it to her ANONYMOUSLY.

that oughta do it.

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

Oh PLEASE DO THAT Wallaby!

Sun, 03/14/2010 - 11:24 — ForeverLearning

I love that idea!!