serene69's story

Hi. I've just spent 6 months 'involved' with an N. I could tell all the time it wasn't quite right but like many others, would overlook when he didn't respond to texts or emails and would focus on when he was so lovely. I am determined to be NC now though.

He decided to dump me just before xmas, saying he wanted to give everything up (he's a workaholic) and wanted to spend time at home for a while as he didn't want to end up back in rehab. He wasn't angry, just straight. He also said as I had had a bad year it was the right thing (divorce, my father also died.)

The preceeding weeks he had been in a bad mood most of the time when we were in contact (we rarely saw each other) but kept in touch email/text. I was kind of getting frustrated anyway with the situation but was still upset when he ended it. I gave him a book I had got ages before, did cry a little and then left.

Two hours later he texted me saying thank you for the gorgeous book and said sorry for the evening as he was 'in a state of turmoil.' He then followed that up with saying he was damaged, had no empathy and cared about nothing, and that is was not fair to involve anyone in this madness, this sickness. He was sorry but us breaking up was for the best and we would be much better friends.

The next day I emailed him saying I hoped things would get better for him and I had enjoyed our good times. Then that evening he sent me a text asking if I was coming down to where he DJed!! I replied well no, as I was upset. No response.

I did not realise he was an N at that point and the next day texted him saying if he ever needed to talk to anyone then I was there as a friend. Again no response.

I was getting angry now - and after xmas sent him a text saying he was the one who wanted to be friends and why was he ignoring me! He replied 'It's fine.'

Well I foolishly also sent him a merry xmas email - no response. Then I came across N and realised it is totally him!
Thing is though, his declaring to me he has no empathy etc - does that mean he is really struggling with it as he seems aware what he is like. And surely then he must care about some things if he says it is the best thing for us to break up? Or was this all a big charade?

Also, the day of my father's funeral he emailed me to say good luck with the day, and it was his support that got me through it all. Was that all part of his game too?
I know as well he has not given everything up and is still working as usual.

3 days ago he texted me to ask a question about some friends of ours who were organising a party for him. I did reply but just straight, but I am determined now to stay away.
It must have been a test as he could have asked them. He was never physically abusive with me, but could be very curt, and would put me down.

I certainly don't want to get back with him but his behaviour seems odd. At times he was totally so normal - neither grandeous or depressed - like it took him over at times. I laugh now already though at some of his behaviour - especially his addiction to facebook. He was always posting what he was up to - and sometimes sounded quite freaky as if he was going mad. And he is in his 40s! Sometimes too i would get quite bizarre emails. I did think he was on drugs.
It's been 4 days now with no contact. But I am doing well, and this message board has helped so much!