Bella001's story

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#1 Dec 28 - 11PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Bella001's story

Hi,

This is my first time on this sight or any sight like this but feel that my ex's behavior falls into Narcissist catagory and I have fallen for his manipulative behavior time and time again. I am too ashamed to really tell my friends or family the full story. I met this guy about 4 years ago. He was actually my friends live in boyfriend at the time. We were all friends and I got to know him pretty well. He did a few things I thought were kinda strange but was always nice to me.

During the time we were friends I met a guy and became engaged. The four of us would hang out alot. Anyway, my engagement ended and this guy would call and see how I was doing. At first I didn't see the harm because he was the one that generally made the plans for all of us. Then he began saying little things that made me think he is going a little to far but was sad and felt lonely and the support was good. Then he finally told me he had feelings for me. I hung up on him but I had already began falling for him. I told my friend what her boyfriend had done and that I really didn't want a part of it. He kept pushing and pursuing. Texting me both loving and mean things. I felt caught in the vicious cycle that I didn't know how to get out of. My friend pretty much cut me off and I guess I felt kinda alone and needing someone. Eventually he did leave his girlfriend. I told him not to leave for me and there was no guarentees with me. I know I was wrong and felt a huge amount of guilt for a long time over this.

Anyway, once we started dating every time we had problems he would say he was going back to her and would txt and say horrible things to me. He eventually went back to her when I had had enough. He basically used her for money as she was paying his bills and for a car he purchased while we were dating. I had no clue! While at the same time he said he loved me more that anyone other than his daughter and pursued me hard when I tried to walk away. Due to this we broke up for a year and then he ran into a financial crisis.

Out of the kindness of my heart I said he could stay with me for a bit, which lasted maybe 3 months. He left because he could not handle that I wasn't here at home with him all the time. Needless to say this didn't end well. I will spare the additional details other than the fact I truly tried to help him even though I wouldn't let him back in when he begged. That was a year ago.

Over the year we have had limited contact and he has found creative ways of contacting me. A couple of weeks ago I contacted him in a moment of weakness. I had been sick for about 3 weeks with cold/flu and feeling alone. He tried playing nice and sweet. Shortly after I found out he had started dating my ex fiance's sister. He claims he didn't know that it was her. Most likely a lie on that one but she is pregnant with twins. She got pregnant on the 2nd date. This will be her 7th kid. 3 were taken away by DCFS.

This asshole has the nerve to tell me I can be in the kids life. He let me knowing I would find out. I admit I freaked and left several not nice messages. Ok stupid yes but God how much can I take.

This SOB goes and plays my messages to mutual friends.

Right now I am hurt, angry, pissed off, and generally confused. How did I let this happen and how was I so blind.

Jan 1 - 12PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Bella

Screw it! Who gives a rat's ass what he or anybody else that heard that message thinks! You were pissed & I'm sure every single one of them fools that gave him the time of day have done something stupid themselves when they've been mad. If anyone has the balls to approach you, tell them you're over it so they need to get over it & leave it at that! It will be old news before you know it...
Dec 29 - 12AM
Barbara (not verified)
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Welcome Bella001

Welcome... get into therapy with a TRAUMA COUNSELOR IMMEDIATELY - call a DV Center if you need to get an advocate ASAP to get this man completely out of your life - NOW - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT before you ask questions. - PLEASE read the stories of others on SHARE YOUR STORY. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do! Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. It will also help you see the pattern of their INCURABLE PATHOLOGY!!! - PLEASE read through our whole blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing PLEASE read the Rules prior to posting, as well - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's obviously left you with!! BLOCK HIS EMAILS, IMs and TEXTS change your phone & cell numbers NO CONTACT! NO CONTACT Get to a PTSD/ trauma counselor ASAP!!!!! Healing takes at LEAST 18 months and you will need support & help from a professional. Please get it ASAP. again YOU did nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong.
Dec 29 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
4joys4
4joys4's picture

bella

One of my pet peeves is people who either put you on speakerphone when you call them, or play back your messages. My ex once put me on the intercom where he works so everyone could have a laugh at how upset I was and I would come across as the crazy one. My son does this sort of thing too. I am noticing more and more that my sons picked up their fathers ways of abuse. he always puts me on speakerphone. You can tell because it sometimes echos back. When I say take me off speakerphone, he denies it. This man has done enough damage all around and is real trouble. Take all of Barbaras suggestions and get on the path of healing and wholeness.
Dec 29 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

4joys4

next time your son does that and you say take me off speakerphone and he denies it say "I am hanging up until you treat me with respect and take me off speakerphone." THEN HANG UP if he calls back with same (speakerphone) say it again and HANG UP every time he does that say it and hang up. if he repeatedly does it -don't answer his calls for a while ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 29 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
Bella001 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Love that Quote.

I agree I have been pissed and am starting to move into freedom. I am going to be on this sight o remind myself the truth of what my ex really is. Thanks for all your contributions this is a great sight!